will I ever have a child?

[28andworried]

I hope this isn’t offensive to anyone.

I am 28, quite plump and type 1 diabetic. I’m terrified my health and age are working against me. I’ve looked into IUI and sperm donation I don’t have a partner but I don’t believe a child needs a two parent family. I have enough family for the child and plenty of friends. I’m immature for my age. I’m just worried time is running away from me. I know I could give a child a good and interesting life with a lot of love and nurture. I know a lot of the time children are a nightmare and are very expensive and definitely need routine.

I’m immature for my age.

Then why are you doing this?

28 isn’t old. What do you mean by immature? Do you mean you like Disney or something similar or you can’t put others needs before your own? Having a baby in a couple is hard, it’s even harder doing it all in your own.

I'd give it 5 or so years and see where you're at x

I’d also wait. It’s not about age, you can be a good first time mum at 19 and a good first time mum at 44. At 28 I wouldn’t rush if you don’t have a partner. It’s my personal opinion that this route should only be used in last case scenarios- the ideal situation for babies and children is that they’ve got the influence of two parental figures. Of course if people split up then this can’t be avoided but I think you have to at least try for that. Don’t underestimate the support you may need.

Your post is offensive. But you know that. 28 is not at all indicative of 'time running away' from you. Maybe have a read though some of the pregnancy posts on here to hear about the many many many women in their 30's & 40's having babies.
Consider trying to access some counselling with your GP. You sound quite irrational in your post and I imagine there are other things going on.

I don’t think you need to be thinking about a baby at this stage. You have, as you know, many years left.

Do you work?
Do you live independently?
Do you own or rent?
What do you mean by ‘immature’ for your age?

Children need more than a ‘good and interesting life’, they need money, time, endless patience, and a parent that is going to be an adult and keep them safe.

Isn't being type 1 diabetic dangerous for pregnancy ?

It is offensive and you know so.
28, you’re taking the piss with this.

MOST WOMEN CANNOT BECOME A MUM AT AGE 44.

So fed up of young women being lied to.

Anyway OP sorry for slight tangent. It’s absolutely normal to be broody at age 28. Maybe look into freezing your eggs, my IVF doctor told me I’d have had a much better chance of conceiving if I’d been using frozen eggs from my twenties than fresh eggs from my mid-thirties.

MYbe freeze some eggs, wait 3/4 yrs to see if you meet someone and if you don’t and have a financial plan ans support, do it alone.

Best bit "I'm immature for my age"
Thanks 4 the laughs OP😂

I’m not offended, OP. But I understand that some people are easily offended. Life is hard.

Take a deep breath and step back for a moment. Time is on your side. You’re a spring chicken. Health wise I’d get some advice from a medical professional though.

But most importantly, the decision to have a child is not to be taken lightly. Ideally, a child has two parents in a stable relationship. Doesn’t always work out like that, but getting pregnant just on the basis that you have friends and family isn’t ideal. It wouldn’t be fair on them. In fact they might just not help you and then you’d be on your own.

Yes, children are expensive and hard work. So much that until I had my dd I wouldn’t have imagined how hard. And I had her at 41, with a caring husband who I share the work with.

Don’t rush into something you might bitterly regret one day. Children will change your life forever, it’s something that needs to be thought through very carefully.

If you have the means, why not consider egg freezing. I think you can only freeze them for 10 years but even if you froze them when you’re 35 (tho younger would be better) it would buy you a lot of time.

People are being a bit unkind... Am I missing something here? Of course 28 is young, but the OP has said she's worried that the combination of her health and age are working against her, with the weight and diabetes. It's not just an age thing. It's clearly something she is feeling anxious about.

OP, as a PP has said, could you look into freezing your eggs for now? It might take some of the anxiety away.

I don’t think people are unkind. I think they’re warning against a 28 year old with no partner and who describes herself as ‘immature’ from rushing into inseminating herself with sperm.

I don't find your post offensive, OP. You're worried about a massive event in your life that may/ may not happen, with no guarantees that it will, and of course that's concerning, whatever age you are.

But you DO have time on your side- about 7-10 years before you have to seriously start worrying, I'd say. Why not use this time to get as physically and mentally prepared as possible- get fit and healthy, try to lose some weight, and give yourself a cut off of say 35 to go for AI if you're not in a stable relationship by then.

If I had my time again and I could afford it, I would absolutely have frozen my eggs in my 20s. I'm 38 now and struggling with infertility. It's very, very hard. Of course you might conceive easily into your late 30s, but lots of women don't. I assumed I would and it was extremely naive of me.

You’re not ready to be responsible for a child.

I don't think an "immature" woman of any age should have a child just because she is worried about declining health. That said, it simply isn't true that a 28 year old has loads of time, or can afford to wait years. For every woman who has a baby in her 40s there is another, like me, whose fertility vanished by 34. I am fit and healthy and a normal weight. Go figure. You simply don't know which category you will fall into until you can't have a baby. So, time isn't necessarily on the OP's side, but "I am immature for my age", with no partner doesn't really sound a great basis for parenting.

OP, if I were you I'd have a word with my endocrinologist about pregnancy with T1 (which is do-able but not necessarily easy) and how to slim down. Being overweight is itself a health issue and it would probably help you control your T1 if you were very careful about diet. I know people with T1 who have done well with a very low carb diet, but aim sure your doctor can make some recommendations. Get your health as good as it can be first and then think about having a child. It's not just pregnancy that requires a healthy body but kids need parents who are as heathy as they can be too.

Based off of one internet post?
Plenty of people aren't ready for kids until they actually have them. You don't have to be 100% ready or in the perfect situation to be a good parent. Single mums usually do very well because they have to.

28 is prime Broody Time. I remember it well and I feel for you!
Definitely do your best to control your weight and make yourself as healthy as can be. I remember reading something about weight training and bodyweight exercises being really good for women, much better than endless cardio. Get some smart health advice and maybe some counselling too re. any anxiety or worries you have that might be getting funnelled into this one thing.
Women are sometimes very unhappy with families, and very happy without them. I know you know that. But really think this through and give your whole life a good going over. MOT kind of thing. For you.

At 28 you have time to put your house in order if you really want a child. Have you looked into the possible complications a pregnancy could have on your health?

What is your financial/work situation like? Are you in a position to support a child?You say you have lots of family but just because they are there it doesn't mean they will be willing or able to help. Have you discussed your plans with them? Are they supportive of your choice?

You say you are immature, what does that mean? Sulking and slamming doors or no life experience on your own? We are imagining all kinds.

What’s your financial situation? Can you afford to fund multiple rounds of fertility treatment (some clinics won’t treat single women) and then fund maternity leave and childcare?

I have an issue with dismissing the second parent. Yes, people successfully raise children as single parents and can do an excellent job. But don't dismiss the father. Growing up with half of where you came from missing can be traumatising.

I don’t think your post was offensive at all and it’s totally normal to be 28, broody and anxious about fertility esp with health issues! I don’t want to add to your anxiety but I think some PP are forgetting that even if OP met someone today it still takes time to get to know someone well enough to have a baby with them and potentially get married, if that’s what they want!

It sounds to me you are being really thoughtful and reflective about yourself and about what having a baby would bring to your life and the challenges. There is some good advice here about freezing your eggs if you can. And if you were keen on going for IUI sooner rather than later then some counselling would probably be beneficial.

@catandcoffee no if its extremely well managed before conception and during pregnancy. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication.

People finding this offensive, op is talking about her own life, not yours. Others have covered that it takes time to find a partner, then get pregnant 🙄

No, you don't need a baby if you're immature. You can have a child at 18 and be a fantastic mother but if you KNOW you are immature at 28? Just no.