will I ever have a child?

[28andworried]

I hope this isn’t offensive to anyone.

I am 28, quite plump and type 1 diabetic. I’m terrified my health and age are working against me. I’ve looked into IUI and sperm donation I don’t have a partner but I don’t believe a child needs a two parent family. I have enough family for the child and plenty of friends. I’m immature for my age. I’m just worried time is running away from me. I know I could give a child a good and interesting life with a lot of love and nurture. I know a lot of the time children are a nightmare and are very expensive and definitely need routine.

Would it help to break things down?
So your health can you get a Gp check up and speak to specialist re diabetes and pregnancy. Plump can mean lots of things you need to know your bmi etc. If you are overweight or obese it can affect fertility and pregnancy.
If you are going to be a single parent how will you manage practically and financially. Do you know how much nursery costs etc? Do you have affordable suitable housing? If you became ill or died who would care for child.
What do you mean by immature? Can you function as an adult eg deal with paperwork, deal with professionals you will need to drs/school etc.
28 isn’t old. Good to think and make plans.

28 really isn't old at all. I'm 32 and expecting my first baby, and I have friends who are in their mid/late thirties also having their first. Why don't you focus on yourself for a few years and building up your self-confidence a little as you seem to talk down on yourself? Maybe think about if there's other things you want to achieve, i.e. in work, or a new skill, travel before you have a baby?

Who knows, in the meantime you may meet someone special who you want to start a family with. If not, then you still have loads of time on your side to then look into other methods of conception.

What do you mean by immature? There's a whole range there from eg liking childish things to being irresponsible and feckless.
Your fertility starts to fall off a cliff about your age (30) so it's a good thing to think about it.

Freeze your eggs if you're worried and give yourself some time to find a partner.

The way the original post reads I think she meant to write 'I'm mature for my age' not 'I'm immature for my age'

I think 28 is a sensible age to be thinking about your future fertility especially if you additional health concerns. I'm not sure why everyone is being so harsh! Why comment if you have nothing helpful to say?

Whats offensive about this post?

OP did you mean to say you are mature for your age? If you feel strongly then do it. But weigh all your options before you decide. A child will take up a lot of your time and even more if you are planning to be a single parent. Its a huge change IMO!

Not sure what people are finding offensive about this? Fertility does usually decline after the 30s don't listen to people saying you have plenty of time because they had a child at 40, because everyone's body is different and what worked for them may not work for you. Look into freezing your eggs if you're really worried I'd also recommend looking for a good father, doing it on your own is very hard

If you want children and don't think you'll find a partner (or don't want one), then you can absolutely do it yourself. Easy to say as my circumstances were different, but I would have done that.

As to age, you aren't exactly ancient, but I can see why you are worried approaching 30 (even if you met someone tomorrow, the time it would take to establish the relationship, feel sure you wanted to raise a child with him etc, you could be well into your 30s).

All that said, being a truly single parent is hard. EVERYTHING is on you - the finances, the decisions, the care, the emotional side of it, the logistics, everything. It will take a lot of personal sacrifice.

I think if it were me, I'd give it a few more years.

I hope this isn't offensive to anyone. I am 28.

😐

Clarifications.

I am immature for my age. I’m rubbish with money etc. I have ASD and EUPD. I have help from my family and they would help me with a child. That’s not the point though. Parents die and people have their own lives so won’t be able to help.

I rent This would mean renting a bigger place near schools

I am currently looking for work. Not ideal and doesn’t set a good example to a child.

about being 28- I know 28 is not old but it’s not young either. If it came across as offensive and tone deaf I apologise.

the bigger picture
it won’t be a good idea if I had a child It’s a selfish desire to have one but tbh no child is born into a perfectly ideal situation Again I’m sorry if I’ve offended people. This was not the intention of this post

The PP did not say most women can have kids at 44, she said you could be a good mother at 19 or 44.

OP

You don’t have a job.

You don’t have a home big enough for a child, nor any means to pay for it

You haven’t yet learned to manage your finances

You are by your own description immature, and appear to lack some life skills.

It would not be fair to have a child right now, children need a secure home and a parent that knows how to navigate the world, and can teach them to do that.

Right now you would be condemning yourself and your child to a chaotic, uncomfortable life.

Most people would agree two parents is ideal, but one can do a great job. However as a loan parent you have great deal on your plate, so it’s clearly not suitable for you right now.

It’s normal to be broody, but think you want a baby right now because you are lost in life, and you want someone to love you and give you purpose - that’s Ok, but only if you are able to parent, which right now you are not.

Set out a 2 year plan to get a job with prospects, and to sort out your life skills. Then think about it.

Oh, no. Don't have a baby in this situation.
28 is young. Time is not running out for you.
If I were you, I'd focus on getting my life in order and finding a partner before starting to think about a baby.

I'd say 28 is young. Think about it. You're just closing in on the first adult decade of your life! In terms of having a kid you're still very fertile I'm sure. I agree with others that just cos it happens to someone you know it doesn't mean it will happen to you but my mum had me at 43 😊. Just a bit of positivity.

@28andworried 28 is young! You need to think logically. Find yourself, find a job, find somewhere suitable to live and probably be in a settled, healthy & happy relationship, before you should even consider having a child. Babies are not toys, they're not accessories. They need security, care, adequately provided for financially and loving nurtured.

I undertaking counselling. My post was a bit hysterical. I didn’t mean it to come across as offensive it’s just 30 is looming and fertility can drop.

i know a baby isn’t a toy. It’s a yet to be an adult. It’s a person with its own needs and personality. Not an extension of me or a crutch. I’m fully aware that parenting a child isn’t about me Being a parent is a selfish act that becomes a selfless act. Everything is about your child then. Right now I’m not in the right place physically or financially to provide a decent life for a child. That does hurt me. I get resentful

I replied up thread asking for clarification of your immaturity, and suggested you make yourself a plan

There are big things that go against you bringing a child into this life - no job, not good with finances etc. But on the plus side OP you do have a self awareness and an honesty which commendable, so maybe you are not so immature after all.

You can lean how to budget plan your finances when you get a job and have regular income. Perhaps look into studying for a new career that will give you better prospects Retraining would put you in your early 30s.

A lot of us have big birthday wobbles. I think the worst one is the late 20s wobble. Up til then you are forever young, then in a blink of an eye everyone couples up and are planning wedding or saving for deposits. My best friend got a 'grown up' promotion and moved across the world, I was thrilled for her but felt a little left behind and pedestrian.

It's doesn't sound like you are going to rush out and get pregnant tomorrow. The big birthday wobbles are real but if you want a baby, starting working towards your goal now.

Good luck OP

I am immature for my age. I’m rubbish with money etc. I have ASD and EUPD

please don't inflict this on a child, unless you have your personality disorder 100% under control (which few people do). Borderline disorder in a parent is usually a huge source of trauma and disruption in a kid's childhood.

This is a car crash waiting to happen. Sort your life out first and wait until you are mature before having a baby.

I had my first child at 26. I found out I'm autistic at 33. It is hard. No advice though sorry.

didn't mean to cause offence but I know I have. I apologise I have read the countless threads on here from women want babies at all ages and from women who are struggling with their fertility. It’s heartbreaking. My sister can’t have children so is in the (length and expensive) process of adoption A good friend of mine lost her baby early and has never recovered. I know fertility and getting pregnant is not kind to anyone

Your post isn't offensive. Fertility isn't guaranteed and rapidly starts to decline in your 30s which is fast approaching.

It's honestly so weird that anyone would begrudge your post, op. Misery loves company, eh, surely they should be encouraging you to think about fertility, not wait til late 30s? Since they themselves struggled?

Overweight, unemployed, bad with money and single... no wonder you're worried you won't end up with children. Spend the next year focusing on fixing these (all very fixable!) issues and you'll probably find that you end up in a position to have children soon enough. 28 is a good age to turn things around - late enough that the pressure is on but definitely not too late to sort yourself out. Good luck.