I recently had my daughter, ( six weeks old). I knew from the outset of the pregnancy I wanted an epidural, (I don't cope with pain well). Everyone I knew who had one, (including a midwife friend), spoke excellently of them, and had no side effects. Also, what was an important factor was, unlike pethidine, epidural does not cross the placenta and effect the baby.
However, at any antenatal appointment I had, (including the birth planning appointment), my midwife kept telling me I should see how I do, and kept saying, " but you might Suprise yourself and cope so well with gas and air you won't need an epidural," "be so much better if you didn't have one." She then kept telling me I should try and wait as long as possible before having one.....the implication being, that I was being a bit of a wimp for wanting/ being set on an epidural.
I just couldn't work out why it would be better for me to exhaust myself by going through hours of agony unnecessarily, ( which could potentially lead to PTSD/ birth trauma), when the hospital have epidurals that are proven to work, and don't have any ill effect on the baby ?
My anxiety was peeked by the fact a friend of mine had her first baby at the same hospital a few weeks before I had my daughter. She was also clear from the outset she wanted an epidural, and faced the same attitude of "well you are being a bit of a wimp," by midwives, ( she had such bad tokophobia she was referred to the mental health midwife, and the mental health midwife tried to persuade her against having an epidural when making a mental health birth plan !) In the end, this friend went to hospital , was found to be 2cm dilated and was sent home even though she was crying in agony and begging for pain relief. She returned a few hours later and had dilated to 9cm really quickly, so was then told it was too late for an epidural and she had to give birth with nothing. She is very traumatised and upset by this.
I tried to explain to my midwife I was worried about similar happening to me, and she just dismissed it and said, "but your friend is lucky she managed the majority of her labour at home and had an intervention free birth, that is a good thing. Don't worry yourself stripyspider, don't let your friend scare you, she actually had a good experience, and some people like to moan for nothing, she sounds like one of those people"
Anyway, in the end I went 13 days overdue so needed to be induced via drip. Even the NHS website states that induction via drip is likely to be a lot more painful than natural labour, and you may want to request an epidural at the start. I thought if this was standard NHS advice, it would be pretty mainstream.
The midwives kept trying to dissuade me from having an epidural before the drip ,saying it was an "unusual choice," and why would I not want to wait a while to see how it goes ? They also stated that an epidural at the beginning would prevent me from having an active birth and be able to move around.
I pointed out I was hardly likely to be bouncing on birth balls up the corridor given I was canulated, attatched via wires to a massive drip and several monitors, ( and therefore waterbirth would be out regardless). They said I should start the induction and try pethidine first, I pointed out I didn't see why it would be better to try pethidine when I have a family history of reacting extremely badly to opiate medication, the anaesthetists had already told me pethidine didn't really do anything to relieve labour pain and , unlike an epidural, could transfer via the placenta to the baby. In the end , they did agree to allow me to have an epidural before the induction drip started, but I was really upset to hear them laughing about how I was "demanding an epidural," in the corridor. When the shift changed, the next midwife said to me she would have likely had an epidural as she's not good with pain, but would have waited until 4/5 cm dilated. When I asked what the benefit of waiting was, she just shrugged her shoulders.
When I was actually giving birth , they invited a student doctor in to watch, ( he was on placement), and even said to him, ( in front of me ), "sorry you don't get to see a more normal/ natural birth."
I feel like i've been made to feel like a failure and not a "real," mother/ women for wanting an epidural, even though there appears to be nothing to suggest an epidural is damaging to baby at all.
Why are they so, so , so keen to stop you having one, ( to the extent of telling my tokkophobic friend she didn't need one). The only reason I can think of is it costs the NHS more as you have to stay in hospital longer with an epidural , but is there more to it ?
The being made to feel pathetic has really knocked my confidence as a mum tbh.