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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no regarding pet

48 replies

nohammyy · 15/11/2022 21:58

It's me, DH, DSS (10) and DD (2). DH works and I'm currently a SAHM to DD. DSS stays with us 50:50.

My SS is desperate for a pet, a hamster in particular. We don't currently have any pets as our ddog passed away earlier this year.

He's been going on and on about this hamster for ages now and has even saved up pocket money to show us he can buy one himself (we didn't tell him to do that).

DH is wavering I can tell but I'm adamant it's a no. I have no desire to have a pet right now, DD is hard enough work as it is and we all know who'd end up looking after said pet... ME.

I could say I won't, I could refuse to clean it out or feed it and whatever but I'd feel far too guilty doing that and so I know I'd just end up doing it because I'm here the most and couldn't leave it hungry or unclean.

AIBU for not letting DSS get a pet I don't want?

Can't have one at mum's as she has a cat.

OP posts:
Boomboom22 · 15/11/2022 22:00

I wouldn't want any pets, children are enough to manage and clean thank you. Hamsters are noisy and nocturnal. All pets smell too. Even fish. I do have a good sense of smell though.

Original poster
nohammyy · 15/11/2022 22:03

Oh yes a fish was another suggestion as if they never need cleaning out either. I'm not daft enough to think DSS will continue to do so once the novelty has worn off!

OP posts:
SavingKitten · 15/11/2022 22:04

Why can’t your DH manage helping his child with the hamster? It’s a small easy going pet, I don’t see the big deal. But also even if he works 60 hours a week he can handle a hamster.

Original poster
nohammyy · 15/11/2022 22:07

SavingKitten · 15/11/2022 22:04

Why can’t your DH manage helping his child with the hamster? It’s a small easy going pet, I don’t see the big deal. But also even if he works 60 hours a week he can handle a hamster.

Because I know for a fact he won't do so. And I'll end up feeling too guilty about it and feel like I need to do it myself. There's no way DH will come home from work (works long hours) and clean out a pet cage or a fish tank. I was the only one who cared for Ddog too.

OP posts:
SavingKitten · 15/11/2022 22:11

He could do it on his day off to be fair, must be crap being married to such a useless DH! DSS will just have to bribe his mum to let him have fish there then.

maryberryslayers · 15/11/2022 22:15

£84 to see vet about hamster http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4678171-ps84-to-see-vet-about-hamster

Show DH this, might put him off 😉

stillvicarinatutu · 15/11/2022 22:23

I think having a pet is a good thing for kids but obviously it's up to you .

I think it's good to bond with a pet and nurture it .

My dd still has her cat at 25 which she got at 7 ! They adore each other . I think it's a good lesson in caring , empathy, responsibility.

Rats are way better pets than hamsters though . Pocket dogs . Affectionate, can be taught tricks , not nocturnal, sweet little things . Have to be kept in pairs or more though - they're highly sociable.

I like animals though so I didn't mind picking up the slack . We had rats , hamsters, Guinea pigs , rabbits , cats and dogs . A little pet isn't that much work .

RunnyPaint · 15/11/2022 22:30

My DD got herself stick insects. They "thrive on neglect", according to the pet shop owner. I prefer the cat...

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 15/11/2022 22:32

maryberryslayers · 15/11/2022 22:15

£84 to see vet about hamster http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4678171-ps84-to-see-vet-about-hamster

Show DH this, might put him off 😉

Fuck me! £84 to see the vet and you have to drive to them!!?? I can get my horse seen cheaper and the vet drives to me!!

Get the kid into ponies, it will take him way longer to save enough cash and by the time he's done it he'll have left home 😁

Letthekidsplay · 15/11/2022 22:48

Can’t he have one at his mums house?

BoxOfCats · 16/11/2022 06:12

He already has a pet, there is a cat at his mum's house.

YANBU, I too would say no unless I was willing to step in and take responsibility for caring for it.

ABJ100 · 16/11/2022 09:30

Boomboom22 · 15/11/2022 22:00

I wouldn't want any pets, children are enough to manage and clean thank you. Hamsters are noisy and nocturnal. All pets smell too. Even fish. I do have a good sense of smell though.

Same. Yanbu op, the pet will become your job.

UltimateIrritant · 16/11/2022 09:50

Don't do it!
I got the entire set up as recommended by a well known pet chain, only to discover that a hamster needs a huge cage in order to be happy - I mean big enough for a child to get in and I had to upgrade.
Nothing they recommended was in fact suitable or safe.

Hamsters only come out at night - think from 23.00 onwards.

They need a huge wheel to exercise to keep them stimulated and avoid spinal damage and most of these wheels are very noisy and in use all night!

The exercise balls are not suitable and stress the little blighters out.
They need nails clipping regularly too and sometimes their teeth!

You dss will end up with:
Less money
Less space
Less sleep

Have a look at the Syrian Hamsters UK and Beyond Facebook group. They have very good guides as to the care (and cost) of keeping a hamster.
Wish we had joined this group before buying 😁

Itsabitnotcold · 16/11/2022 09:55

Get him a soft toy and a cheap cage. If he takes the toy out every day. Replaces the food and water every day (just tip the food back into the bag, could use rice) and cleans the cage every week until the end of the year he can have one. It's about proving he can look after it even once it's boring. He'll get bored of the idea and stop pestering for it.

Jaybird43 · 16/11/2022 10:00

I would do it, only because it does give children a valuable lesson on caring for animals. We have a dog and my DC (7 and 5) love helping take him for a walk, playing and feeding him. They are compassionate children and, most importantly, don’t fear dogs. I know so many people afraid of x animals because they didn’t interact with them as children (I’m terrified of rats but would’ve done me good to get up close to handle one as a child).

W0tnow · 16/11/2022 10:12

I’d consider getting a rescue one that is a few years old. They have a short lifespan. And stipulating that wherever SS goes, the hamster goes (ie to his mother’s).

You also need to consider who looks after it when you go on holiday.

FindingMeno · 16/11/2022 10:14

I'm going against the grain.
You don't go out to work and 50% of the time one child to look after, so I think time could be made for this.
As a short lived pet, and one he's saved for, I would happily accommodate this.
They really are very very easy, and he might surprise you and prove he's up to the responsibility while he's there.

Miss03852 · 16/11/2022 10:17

I’d never get a hamster. I was bit by one as a ten year old and there was blood everywhere, on the carpet, walls etc. they can be aggressive! Also so much work with the cage. Don’t do it!

caringcarer · 16/11/2022 10:25

If he has a cat at his Mums does he feed the cat, change the litter and flea and worm or is it all left to his Mum? That would determine if he could have another pet in my book. Perhaps get him caring for cat everyday for 2 months to see how he copes.

Kyokyo · 16/11/2022 10:51

Okay. This is coming from someone who has had multiple pets including rats, gerbils, and hamsters

Hamsters are not good pets. They are not easy to handle and are prone to biting. Its very easy for a child to be nipped by a hamster and then not want to handle them anymore. Then the less the hamster is handled, the harder it becomes. They need to be handled regularly (several times a week) otherwise they won't be used to it and will be more likely to bite out of fear.

I would actually argue that hamsters are one of the least child friendly pets because they don't do much, can be aggressive and the weekly cleaning of the cages becomes boring very quickly.

If he is desperate for a pet, Gerbils are easier to handle and they are much less temparental than a hamster. Rats are even better

The only pro I can offer regarding a hamster is that they generally don't live very long so its not a very big commitment

Musti · 16/11/2022 10:57

I think it is horrible to keep an animal in a cage for your entertainment. In my experience of people I know who have hamsters, rabbits etc, once the novelty wears off, they are left pretty much unattended, other than their practical care.

My kids have wanted to have small caged animals as pets but I always said it was unfair. When it got to the stage that I wanted to have a dog, we got one. I do 99.9% of his care. Even my dog obsessed child is too busy with boyfriend, social life and part time job .

So only get a pet if that’s what you really want. And I still think that you shouldn’t be allowed to keep animals in cages.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 16/11/2022 10:59

Don't encourage the hamster industry; it's a miserable life for these poor animals.

AryaStarkWolf · 16/11/2022 11:01

A 10 year old will not stay interested long to keep looking after a Hamster, i can almost guarantee that. The only way I'd allow it is if your DH promises to be the one in charge of cleaning out the cage when the novelty wears off...........and it will

LadyMarmaladeAtkins · 16/11/2022 11:04

YANBU. And DSS has a pet - the cat at his Mum's house. It's a shame for him given he's trying so hard, but given you have a DH who doesn't fully participate and will leave it to you to deal with it, and you have a 2 year old, and I assume DH won't discipline DSS effectively to actually look after it if they don't? I wouldn't get another DDog in the future either, unless you want one personally as a companion animal for you.