To say no regarding pet

[nohammyy]

It's me, DH, DSS (10) and DD (2). DH works and I'm currently a SAHM to DD. DSS stays with us 50:50.

My SS is desperate for a pet, a hamster in particular. We don't currently have any pets as our ddog passed away earlier this year.

He's been going on and on about this hamster for ages now and has even saved up pocket money to show us he can buy one himself (we didn't tell him to do that).

DH is wavering I can tell but I'm adamant it's a no. I have no desire to have a pet right now, DD is hard enough work as it is and we all know who'd end up looking after said pet... ME.

I could say I won't, I could refuse to clean it out or feed it and whatever but I'd feel far too guilty doing that and so I know I'd just end up doing it because I'm here the most and couldn't leave it hungry or unclean.

AIBU for not letting DSS get a pet I don't want?

Can't have one at mum's as she has a cat.

YANBU. Kids can’t be completely responsible for animals so the adults have to be 100% on board. You’re not so that’s the end of the conversation.

Also, vet costs. Small animals can incur vet costs that many don’t consider. There’s a thread at the moment moaning about an almost £200 bill for a hamsters.

My kids had a hamster when they were younger. We had a cat and a dog too, and it wasn't a problem. The issue was the fact that Hammy was nocturnal, and neither child wanted him in their bedroom at night because of the noise. We ended up putting his cage in the bathroom every night. It also became my job to clean the cage out because the girls lost interest in doing that very quickly. I would not recommend them as a pet.

Just be firm. No pets to be kept at your house. If he wants one, it has to be at his mums.

He's got a pet - the cat at his mum's!

When I was 10, I had two rabbits. I fed them every day, cleaned out hutches on weekends, and spent all my pocket money on rabbit food and treats. I also paid for vet treatment myself from my own pocket money/Christmas/birthday money (I had a junior bank account).

If I went away, I had to make arrangements for friends or neighbours to look after them.

Those rabbits lived to be 12 years old so 10 year olds can be responsible.

It taught me budgeting, the importance of routine, and the reward of taming an animal that was totally afraid of humans.

Not all 10 year olds are ready for that though - I did a year of research, visiting the library and reading books about their care, making lists of what I needed, and saving up.

Talk to your 10 year old about the responsibility of a pet. Have they done their research? And I mean from genuine owners, not what pet shops sell (which is below RSPCA guidelines in the UK in most cases).

If he doesn't know the techniques to hand tame his hamster, insist that he learns (loads of YouTube videos explain how). If he doesn't know that there are 5 different species of hamster, then he better learn the names of them and how they differ in behaviour. Get him to demonstrate his knowledge on the subject.

I feel a bit sorry for your Ds, for me pets are an integral part of the family and add so much to a childs life.
I would understand if it was a dog who needed lots of care and walks, but a tiny pet?

My Dd has had two guinea pigs since the age of 9 (imo much better than hamsters as they live 7 years and are not nocturnal.)
It takes her 5 minutes morning and evening to feed and water, or in the summer pop into outside cage on the lawn.
Cleaning the cage takes 15 minutes once a week......hardly a tough task for a lot of joy for her........
They cost us nothing as in the summer they graze on the lawn, in winter they live on our vegetable peelings and scraps and at night some pulled up long grass.

Could you really not accomodate him?

@workingmumuk Yes but that’s you, 90% of kids who say they’ll do all the care and clean the cage don’t do it, including myself! The boy has a cat so he does have a pet.

He can have one at his mums even if they do have a cat. The hamster won't be running free in the house and she can just make sure the room the cage is is not accessible to the cat.

Your SS has a pet. He has a cat. I wouldn’t have a rodent in my house - it would make me feel sick.

Of course you’ll end up doing all the work. If he wants a hamster, he can ask his mum.

My DS adored his hamster, he loved her more than anything.
I let him have whatever pet he wanted because my parents never let me have animals even though I yearned for them.
Now I have loads of cats and whateverelse I want that I can afford to care for. I see my parents as cold and unloving for not loving animals too. DS, now grown up, also has cats. It bonds us together. I cannot imagine a life without them.

If you do get a small pet, get two gerbils instead of a hamster as they are awake in the day as well. Smell less than hamsters. They need a tank though which is more expensive than a hamster cage (I spent over £200 on mine) but you can get it second hand and DIY. And i loved my hamster, but gerbils are a much more suitable pet even for me a 30 year old adult woman

But its ok to say no. My parents said no to pets when I was young except for fish. It gave me the motivation to move country and buy my own place so I could have pets! my parents are so anti pet that i feel like i wouldn't be able to get one if we lived in the same country as I would never hear the end of it. My dad complains about my hamster even though he lives 8 time zones away.

I had gerbils at 10 and was forced to look after them myself with my mum supervising.

I also fed the dog and took him out before and after school from the age of about 7.

It is doable but you have to lay down the law and not take any excuses.

On a daily basis surely you or DH could give it food and water and SS can clean the cage when he’s there?

Would it be possible to ‘borrow’ a hamster and see if the novelty wears off. I take it there are no longer school hamsters to take home for the holidays?

I'm confused about why he is yearning for a pet when he has a cat already.

If he had no pets I'd get one hamster (not two, as they fight) and end up cleaning and caring for it, as I am a softy. But... does he know that hamsters mostly don't like being handled and so are not likely to be as 'fun' as he expects?

I wonder if he's after one having seen all the really amazing hamster mazes and obstacle courses on social media?

I adore my dog and my cats before that and my childhood dogs. But I didn’t have a pet for a few years because I didn’t want to look after anything else. I wasn’t sure whether I would go back to work outside the home or wfh. I knew that a dog is a potential 15 year tie. I didn’t want another cat and I don’t agree with keeping little animals in cages. I think it is unbelievably cruel. Just for our entertainment. So having a pet is a commitment - which I love but unlike your son, most pets I know are mostly looked after by the mother. Not all, but many.

The boy has a cat already anyway.

Get an invertebrate instead. They take very little looking after and don't need a lot of cleaning out. A giant millipede or some Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches would be ideal. You can handle them and adjust their environments. All they need is a tank, a heatmat and thermostat, some substrate and a hide - perhaps some rocks and fake plants. They don't make any noise, don't bite or fly. They don't mind being handled or left alone. No veterinary visits as they don't really get sick.

My son is obsessed by our Guinea pigs but he doesn’t help with them very much! I got them because I wanted them.

Blimey, if one of those came into my house, I’d be going out the back door.

I’m not a fan of small furry creatures but they were a big part of our childhood and I do think children benefit from owning pets. It’s unrealistic to hope a child of 10 will be able to fully take care of any pet but they can certainly be made responsible for some of the care.

If DH is insisting then he needs to be responsible for part of the care too, even if it’s footing the vet bills.

These animals are short lived and it’s also a gentle way to learn about death while young (hopefully they haven’t had to deal with it previously).

My SS is desperate for a pet

He already has a pet (a cat).

It is nice for them to have a pet I think. I have a betta fish and he's really no trouble at all. The children take it in turns feeding him, which they love, and I do his water changes, which takes all of 5 minutes.

My son has had two hamsters. Looked after them himself. Cleaned out the cage every Sunday night - I made him watch Downton Abbey with me after my daughter went off to Uni. The hamsters were great fun and are much missed by the whole family now we don't have them any more.

This post really tickled me .

I'm going to ask DD when she gets home how she would feel about us buying a Madagascan Hissing Centipede.

YANBU because hamsters are just completely suicidal and seem to go out of their way to die. Plus can be bitey and tend to be happiest late evenings when kids are in bed.

The lowest maintenance pet I've ever had was a king snake. She was a beauty, ate once a week, (not live food and certainly not hamsters), was used to being handled so would curl up on my arm for warmth and a cuddle. Was gutted when she died.

But hamsters? No.

Agree with everyone saying that hamsters aren’t the best pets and besides he already has a cat at his mum’s, so it’s not like he’s being cruelly deprived of contact with animals.
Plus it’s 95% certain that you will be doing all the care, and making all the arrangements when he / you are on holiday.

OP I'm with you about not getting a pet hamster. I share 50/50 with my ex and he bought my eldest insects and expected her to bring them to mine everytime - a very firm no from me. He didn't consult with me either. Funnily enough since he has had to look after it when she isn't there and when she is, she isn't that bothered he's not keen to repeat the experience.