To be upset with boyfriend over this ?!

[babystarrr67]

Hey everyone pls tell me if i'm over reacting gained a bit of weight since having my son a year ago yes this is no real excuse to not lose weight or find myself again i'm slowly getting there but I just don't feel pretty anymore

I've bought some new outfits to make my self feel a little better and was showing my partner one of the dresses as I tried it on and I said to him oh no babe my tummy looks soo huge in this he literally just stared at me and didn't say a word and then suddenly says why do you look pregnant in my head I didn't know if I should laugh or cry because even though he was telling the truth that yes I do look a lil pregnant but hearing it From the man I love hurts all I just wanted to hear was babe you look amazing

Slightly insensitive from him but not worth overthinking

Well, you clearly thought your belly looked big and he agreed with you.

I don't think you should expect him to lie. How can you trust what he says if he tells you you look amazing when you don't?

I mean this kindly but to be honest I think you drew him into a trap when you said your tummy looked huge, he probably panicked and put his foot in his mouth or blurted out the wrong thing. Would you feel better if he said you didn't look big and you felt he was lying or if he said nothing at all? Let people compliment you on their own terms tbh.

You were the one who said your stomach looked "soo huge." Give the guy a break.

Yes yabu, you only wanted one answer from him, so what is the point in asking him?

Never point out your own imperfections! Stupid thing to do.

And if you do, do not expect your partner to lie!

He wants an upbeat partner not a moaner.

It's only been a year, give yourself a break and start slowly. You'll get there😎.

He's an insensitive knobhead. He could see you were feeling insecure about your tummy so decided to ask you why you look pregnant? Only someone with very low emotional intelligence would respond that way. He didn't need to lie and tell you look slim, but there are more tactful ways to talk about it.

Time to hit the gym...

I'm sure he didn't mean it. Men are daft and don't know women can be bloated. If he's sensitive I'd serve him a bit more bread and pasta daily and see how he feels when you say omg why do you look pregnant.

So your stomach looked huge in the dress you said yourself tummy looked huge and you expected him to lie?

You set him up to crash and burn.

Daft to ask a question or make a statement like that if you’re only after a lie.

He shouldn’t have said that but you really shouldn’t have fished for a compliment you probably wouldn’t even have accepted as you knew the outfit was unflattering.

Return the dress and don’t look to others for your self esteem.

There is ways of telling people nicely i'm not asking for him to lie to me but if he had said babe you don't worry we will work on this together to have you feeling better would have been better than you look pregnant

I feel pretty sure that if he said that you would also be upset for him suggesting that you need to work on yourself. You are being a little childish and he did nothing wrong. Within a relationship it really is ok to answer a question honestly, my DH has started to carry weight around his tummy, if he asks me how something looks I will tell him if it looks too tight or accentuates his tummy.

Why? Just tell him he looks pregnant, if there’s nothing wrong with saying that to someone.

Why what? I have just said if my opinion is sought I will provide it.

No, why say ‘it’s too tight’ or ‘it accentuates your tummy’ if there’s nothing wrong with saying ‘you look pregnant’? Just tell him he looks pregnant.

Never put yourself down.
Or ask a man if you look big.

True. I never discuss my weight, clothes size or diets. What's the point? If I don't ask his opinion and I do look crap in something he'll say 'your figure is better then that, it's not a very nice dress.' which is a nice way of putting it.

I've had stupid comments from my BF after having a baby too. Men are stupid with their comments and in my case anyway they are coming from a loving place just worded poorly. Anyway he could tell me every hour of the day he thinks I'm gorgeous, it's not going to make me suddenly love my body. Don't over think it. There wasn't really going to be a good outcome from that situation

Also, just to add, I think it's kinda nice that he is being honest how something looks on you. I'd hate to be told I look amazing in something he knew didn't suit me and then to go out in it thinking it looked nice

The thing is he said 'you look pregnant'. That is a neutral comment. You took it personally to mean that pregnant = bad.

He doesn’t seem very emotionally intelligent tbh; he could have said something else - is he usually this blunt?

Who wants to look pregnant when they are not? What a weird way of looking at it.

It's easy to slip into having an expected script in your head for how conversations will go, even if you don't properly realise that that's what you're doing. It can be upsetting or disappointing if the person you're talking to doesn't follow your script, either because they don't know you want a particular answer or they're deliberately not providing it. But it's not fair on other people to expect them to follow your headscript. As long as they're not intentionally saying things to hurt you, you have to accept that they'll say what they want to, not what you hoped or expected they would.