Health Visitor

[kukieee]

My HV came over yesterday without making an appointment, when she got there, she found my partner downstairs washing the car and smoking, we live on the first floor. He took her upstairs and she took his height and weight. this morning i got a call saying she raised concern because my son was left alone upstairs and my partner was supposedly smoking cannabis, i explained to her that he left him upstairs because my son gets hyperactive when he is out due to his autism so its hard to control him when you are trying to do something else, and it was raining and cold so, he goes to check on him constantly, my son is the type that if you give him his ipad he will stay still for hours, my partner does not smoke cannabis he does smoke tobacco but we do live in a flat where other ppl smoke it which really doesn't bother me. My question is should I be worried? she was not even my health visitor she is someone we have never met before.

How old is your ds? Washing a car seems an odd activity to take priority over supervising him.

I thought HV stopped when your child was 5, so assuming he’s under 5 then yes, it’s unreasonable to leave him alone especially for a task that isn’t essential.

If he is leaving an autism child under 5 alone he is an idiot.

*autistic

I wouldn’t leave a child under 5 upstairs while I was washing the car; going to check on them regularly isn’t really enough

I call troll.

he is 4, I guess I did not think of it that way.

What way? That he should be supervised? Weird.

You didn’t think that it’s not sensible to leave a young child, particularly one with extra needs, alone with no supervision?

HV calling unannounced for a 4 year old seems very unlikely unless there are other services involved (ss)

Hi everyone, I've read through the replies, and I do understand the concern, we are first time parents and panicking at the same time any advice on how we move forward or what might happen, and Iam not looking to be bashed or made to feel worse than I already am.

I wouldn't leave a 4 year old on their own to go and wash a car.

no we do not have any other services involved

Advice on moving forward?

Supervise your child.

So why would the hv be doing an unannounced visit? I have 4 children including 2 autistic children and the hv has never turned up unannounced? Most people don’t even see the HV by the time their child is 4.

This seems strange. I'm surprised a health visitor is turning up unannounced to weigh a 4 year old so I assume there are some concerns with your child's growth or something?
I haven't seen or heard from my health visitor since my youngest was a few months old during lockdown.
Your partner should have been supervising your child.

yeah, that was a stupid on his part, I think because he thought he could see the camera it would be okay

Supervise your child.

^^This.

Plus, try to get your child away from living in a smoky environment as soon as you can, try to stop smoking yourselves even if it is away from him as there are still toxins on your clothes etc. And get some help with parenting, there is lots out there and we are not born perfect parents, some need more help than others and that is okay so long as you seek and accept it.

Don't be surprised if you do get involvement from SS now, and do be prepared to work with them but also to be robust with correcting anything that actually is incorrect. At the same time, are you sure your DP wasn't smoking cannabis? It does have a very identifiable smell - or maybe the other people around you in the flat who smoke do smoke cannabis and that is what she was smelling eg on his clothes?

I'm not bashing you, you are asking for help and I am giving genuine advice to turn this situation around.

I do not know why, she told me that her diary said we had an appointment maybe I did not get the text.

Seems really unusual for a HV to just randomly turn up to weigh your 4 year old unless there’s something else going on here.

How frequently is he being left unsupervised like that? Maybe one of your neighbours has noticed him being left before and reported it 🤷🏻‍♀️

The last standard HV appointment for kids is the 2 year check. What was the appointment for for a four year old?

I think because he thought he could see the camera it would be okay

If you are saying that he was keeping a proper eye on him through a monitor all the time then that is a bit different. It's not ideal by any means (see another recent thread on leaving small children for a minute to go up the road 5 doors to collect the 3rd from the childminder) because things can happen, but it is a bit more responsible. I do understand that living in a flat can be difficult and impractical. But still, leave this sort of thing for dire emergencies when there is no other way and the task is essential (such as bringing in a shopping order when no-one else is available) and keep the supervised-by-camera moments to an absolute minimum. Also make very sure to keep where your DS is very childproofed.

What camera?

Thank you for this, I do understand and would be willing to work with them in anyway, and yes, he should have been supervising him, I personally do not smoke, and he has been trying to stop smoking but has not been easy. We live in a flat and people in our flat upstairs smoke so you can smell it everywhere we have tried to report it, but we rent privately so finding a place to move within our budget is a bit hard, but we are still looking into it.

the appointment is for is weight and height, the doctor asked for it to be monitored. We were meant to have one before, but it was canceled and another one was meant to be booked.