Health Visitor

[kukieee]

My HV came over yesterday without making an appointment, when she got there, she found my partner downstairs washing the car and smoking, we live on the first floor. He took her upstairs and she took his height and weight. this morning i got a call saying she raised concern because my son was left alone upstairs and my partner was supposedly smoking cannabis, i explained to her that he left him upstairs because my son gets hyperactive when he is out due to his autism so its hard to control him when you are trying to do something else, and it was raining and cold so, he goes to check on him constantly, my son is the type that if you give him his ipad he will stay still for hours, my partner does not smoke cannabis he does smoke tobacco but we do live in a flat where other ppl smoke it which really doesn't bother me. My question is should I be worried? she was not even my health visitor she is someone we have never met before.

The HV is correct. You cannot 'depend' on a 4 yo sitting still and playing with an iPad, while you wash your car. DP is an idiot.

It's amazing how everyone else is giving advice nicely but all your replies have been sarcastic and rude, I guess you are perfect, people like you are the ones that make it hard for anyone to come and ask for help or advice online.

That’s area dependant. Mine do a before start of school appointment for 4 year olds, but the neighbouring county seem to do nothing after 2 unless specifically requested.

that I do agree with he is an idiot for sure

I think the problem here is that you shouldn't need advice that entails being told to use basic supervision for a 4 year old, let alone a 4 year old with autism. People are a bit 'WTF?' because it really is beyond the realms of normality that someone would need to be told this.

I find it strange that your partner was out washing the car when it was cold and raining? A 4 year old is far too young to be left unsupervised, whether they have asd or not. I'm not surprised your health visitor has raised concerns to be honest!

It does seem a bit odd to prioritise washing a car (in the rain) over supervising a child. Hard to know if SS have wider concerns or if you were just unlucky but it suggests he doesn't really get the need for vigilance that goes with being a parent. What's he like generally as a partner/father?

Also smoking when you have small children is bound to raise red flags. I know its a difficult addiction to crack but if you can't do it when you have small children then... yeah. I wouldn't want him to smoke anywhere my child could see.

maybe i should have been more specific on what I meant on the advice part. I meant on how to deal with the HV situation.

You acknowledge her concerns, assure her they've been addressed. If anything else comes of it you cooperate fully.

Listen to the concerns? Hopefully get some support with parenting going forward. Always engage, whatever has happened has happened for your child's benefit, so work with them, not against them.

It sounds like you should, so I'm glad she turned up when she did.

If this is a real thread and not a wind up and you genuinely didnt realise that leaving a hyperactive autistic 4 year old alone in the house to so something as unnecessary as washing a car then honestly I think social services intervention is the best way forward for you as you clearly need some guidance on how to safely raise your child. Listen to what they have to say is my advice

Yes but it is abundantly obvious from your previous posts that you need a lot more than the specific advice you're on here for. What the actual hell are you thinking? Do you know what could have happened to your unsupervised 4yo?

He is an amazing father and partner he is the one that spends all day with him because I work during the day, he takes him to school n picks him up and he works nights. It was very stupid of him to leave him on his own that i do admit.

Your partner left your child unattended so he could wash his car?

And you live in a flat, with your son, where other people smoke cannabis but it doesn't really bother you?

Erm...

He's clearly not an amazing father. How often does he leave your son alone?

He's not amazing, OP. He doesn't know how to supervise a disabled 4yo.

Just be honest with HV and say in retrospect it wasn’t a good decision. Don’t say he was regularly checking on him if he wasn’t. It just makes you sound like it was fine.

They really want to just know your son is being supervised. It is hard to imagine a hyperactive autistic 4 year old should be ?locked inside a flat whilst Dad outside.

That said OP I’ve made mistakes, luckily never bad consequences. Lots of people get used to a situation and it isn’t until someone points it out/something happens that we reconsider. It feels awful but really HV is doing a job and it might be a positive to change Dad’s opinion on supervision.

The best is surely to listen to their concerns (if any ) and try to take them on board. It sounds as if the doctor has ordered the weight and height to be monitored, but you don't seem to know why that could be? You should definitely find out why, and know where ds is on the percentiles, so that you can monitor his progress yourself. This will help you if it comes to any sort of confrontation with SS.

Exposing a child to smoking is not a good idea, and it is not a good idea to be relaxed about this. My father smoked very heavily, and my mother was relaxed about it too. I have a number of health issues which I strongly believe are linked to that, including not growing much, and spent much of my youth with a horrendous cough. Please take it seriously, the warnings on all tobacco products are not a wind up. Until you can move limit his exposure as much as possible, and get him outside for as long as you can every day.

we’ve had our current car for 3 years and haven’t washed it once. It gets dirty, it rains then it’s not dirty any more. WTF was your partner doing washing a car when he ought to be looking after his child?

I can see why she has done this well about leaving child unsupervised. Anything could happen like a fire and it's an upstairs flat not like kid is in the living room right front in your driveway and visible, that might be considered differently.

I'm sure your child will not be taken away or anything. They might want to provide parenting classes or just have serious words about the dangerous consequences and take your word it will not happen again.

Bet it's a Focus ST and he was meeting his mates on maccies car park with it.

Washing car and fagging it in the rain. Jeez. If this is true it screams at risk child to me. No wonder HV turned up. Poor child. At risk.

Thank you, I will have a discussion with HV today and take it from there.

This seems very odd ,my son was diagnosed with autism and learning disabillities at three and a half ,we had loads of people involved intially ,portage ,diisabillity team etc etc ,health vidtors tend to back off once other more specialised professionals are involved and nobody ever turned up unexpectedly