Is my childminder being unreasonable

[majormumma]

DS has been with the childminder since May give or take numerous days missed due to illness (second child). DD is 16 months. Fiesty, independent and also sometimes very clingy. I like my childminder, she doesn’t sugar coat things and her home always seems calm and clean and I’ve always had a positive good feeling.

lately however I’ve find her quite unreasonable, I’m not sure if I’m being sensitive. For example:
Moans ALOT about how clingy DS can be, wants to be cuddled etc when they go to playgroup
Described DS as Jekyll and Hyde, said he’s the most difficult baby she’s ever looked after, and I’m going to have my work cut out when older
Have witnessed her being very stern with DS, maybe I’m being overly sensitive here but shouting “no” and grabbing his hand when he pulls my hair when I drop off for example
Said that her friend (who recommended her) apologised because DS is so difficult to manage (I was shocked she told me this!)
sometimes can’t wait to give me DS when I pick him up because “he’s a nightmare”
Gives him snacks that aren’t suitable/ lets him eat all morning because “that’s the only time he’s happy”

I Don’t believe DS has any developmental problems, I’ve also asked her and she said no.
I liked the idea of a childminder as they get to go out with her to the farm etc rather than being inside all day in a nursery but now I’m starting to regret my decision. Maybe this is better on the CM thread but I would have thought that she may offer some solutions as opposed to just stating how difficult DS is all the time. Am I being OTT? I know DS can be clingy and is extremely independent but these to me, are pretty normal things. Should I pull him out? Am I expecting too much? I liked that she’s honest but it seems to me a bit harsh imo.

Take him out, find someone or somewhere else - with no 'friend' involved.

Honestly it sounds like she doesn’t like your child. Regardless of whether she’s right or wrong about his behaviour I’d move him somewhere else. Maybe try a nursery setting, he might benefit from more structure, you can always go back to a childminder if you don’t like it.

Definitely pull him out! I couldn't keep dropping my child off there.

Ugh I’m fuming for you!

He is clearly not getting the best care so take him out and find another setting where he can thrive.

FYI not all nurseries keep the kids indoors all day!!!!!

Yeah, as above, I’d find new childcare. It’s not working.

I'm not sure she's in the right job. I'd be looking for new childcare.

YANBU. I’m sorry, it must he difficult to hear your DS being described as difficult, he is only tiny! IMO, once they have been “labeled” as something (aka clingy, difficult etc) all behaviour is put down to that reason, even if its not the case. I would pull him out OP and find another setting for him, somewhere he is valued.

She doesn't sound like she really enjoys her job.

I'm a cm.also caring for a clingy baby and although we have some really bad days, I'm always gentle and positive to mum. I know it's a stage, I know how to mitigate the worst points of our day, mum also knows that sometimes she has to cry whilst I see to something else.

Thanks all for your replies. I know nurseries have outdoor areas for kids to run around, I just thought the CM would be more varied and plus all the ones around me have no spaces!!! Argh

I would be looking for an alternative childcare too, along with the pp's. I pulled my daughter out of a childminder because she clearly didn't like her, called her 'vile' in fact. She went to the local preschool instead and had a brilliant experience.

@Reluctantadult - how can a toddler be vile?! What an awful woman.

She sounds like she needs a change of career!

DD1 was at a childminder when she was little. We really liked childminder but she had a little boy there that she found very difficult and disruptive. It used to shock me when CM would casually say to me that she was looking forward to him being collected because he’d been a nightmare all day! Eventually CM decided it wasn’t working out and gave notice to the boys mum. It felt harsh at the time but I was at least glad that she recognised this wasn’t a good fit and that it wasn’t wise to continue caring for him. It sounds like your CM possibly feels similar about your DS but doesn’t want to terminate the contract. I’d say take him out because kids don’t eventually pick up on a vibe that they’re not wanted. Nursery may be a better setting for him, they’re often busier and he could make more friends.

I would remove him as (and I don’t mean this unkindly) she doesn’t seem to like him and that’s not a nice environment for him. I’ve used childminders with both my DC and they’ve always seemed very fond of my DC and I’d be really upset if anyone described my DC as a nightmare

I'd be changing. She's not the childminder for your child.

Biggest parenting mistake I ever made (so far) was not telling her to fuck off there and then.

She sounds like a childminder we had. Very blunt, lots of good stuff including her home set up and level of activity, but fundamentally she just wasn't very... cuddly. And I think our son started to be a little bit frightened of her.

It worked out that we decided to move and ended up with a very warm very loving nanny, but I wish that had been a positive choice. Our DS was later diagnosed as on the spectrum and struggled with his behaviour when very little. I don't think I had faith that she would have made him feel ok with the bumps in life - for example through potty training. I'm so glad that we found someone completely on his side.

Poor baby 😢
you’re a great mum for noticing this and expressing it so well.
Find somewhere better for them.

Time to give her notice

BTW our son also had an outstanding nursery where they were outside or at forest school all day long. He loved it - nursery definitely shouldn't be about being stuck indoors.

Get rid of her, slagging off my child id remove him. If she had actual concerns she could bring them to you in a professional manner with some suggestions. As it is she sounds awful.
I love the nursery setting personally, ok there’s not many farm trips but that’s what we do at the weekend. It’s always open (as in the one care giver doesn’t take a holiday or get sick and leave me in the lurch), lots of people to mix with, no phones allowed baring the nursery one, lots of care givers- it’s a major plus from me

A nursery is probably better as he will be in one place and may feel more secure. Plus staff are available to cuddle him.as much as he wants. Whereas a childminder has a lot of other stuff to do and can't realistically cuddle a child much. In a nursery he can probably sit on someone's lap most of the day because they have separate staff to.preparr the food, they don't have to go anywhere etc.

Your poor son. I'd definitely remove him. She doesn't seem to like him. I'd not be able to keep him there after hearing those comments.

I’m a nanny . Please take your child out of this setting . Look for another childminder or a nursery . Or another family and share a nanny.
of course he is sometimes clingy he is a baby . He deserves love , cuddles and help to explore new places . Don’t label him .
Sorry you have had this bad experience.