Do we leave Dd or stay with her?

[RememberwatchingThewordonFridaynights]

Dd, 4 has made a nice friendship with a neighbours boy, 5, he’s a really sweet boy and good fun for her. They live just 4 doors down and I can see their back garden etc from the bedroom windows. He’s been round to our house a couple of times and she’s been there more often as the mum often invites my Dd more often, when they walk past with their dog and Dd runs to the gate. It’s often better at his as they have a trampoline, pool etc. Dh usually takes her for a couple of hours and stays to chat, he gets on with them but isn’t mad keen to stay for 2 hours. I’ve noticed that a couple of times, shes shouted ‘Come on kids!’ and I saw the grandad open the back gate when Dh took Dd there, he let her in to play with her friend (the mum, dad, sister, brother & gran there too) but sort of stood for ages holding the gate and chatting to Dh. I think he then must have thought ‘Oh I’ll let him in’
We’re just not sure if it seems cheeky to drop Dd off and Dh should be there (I do all other play dates with my friends) or if they wonder why he always comes in and doesn’t just drop her off considering it’s only a few doors down.
Is 4 too young or would you drop her?
They're a great family so I’m v happy to leave her there if it was ok with them and return the favour with their son…but it’s hard to know if they’d want that?
It could be a win win for us all getting a break sometimes and our kids being happy 🤣

*Or Dh should be there

I don’t think i would leave mine yet, maybe when she’s 6….

Also, as nice as the mum is, we don’t know each other massively well to pass time for 2-3 hours (it’s different when my friends kids come or we have play dates etc, we always stay)
I’d love to supervise her boy at our house, provide some snacks, making some activities/baking but without the mum there 🙈nothing personal, just extra work.
When do these situations come about?

i think my dd would look for me if she needed the toilet or a drink so…

@Wibbly1008 If it was a few doors down and you could even see the house etc. The family are great and the mum is always there etc

4 is definitely too young to leave to play out or being supervised by a random neighbour IMO. Far far too young.

My dd is happy to run off and play but usually wants me if she hurts herself or is too shy to ask something. But that is just my dd, and yours might be more confident

*Make some activities

@Jalepenojello Its not to play out, it’s in their home and garden, which we’ve been to many times. They’re also not random neighbours, she’s in the same pre school, albeit different classes, but play together at playtime and we walk them to school together sometimes.

If your daughter is happy and enjoying themselves let her go and just say to parents hi do you want me to stay or call back at a certain time and I'm sure they have your contact details if they need you asap she is only 4 doors away not 4 towns and it's good that you host play dates at your home just curious does the child's mum or dad stay or go and collect later

@Wibbly1008 The mum always provides snacks and we take her water bottle, she knows where the loo is. I suppose because it’s so close and I can literally see and fear her playing from the upstairs terrace, it feels different. If she was hurt it would take two seconds to get there or her mum to bring her.
Perhaps it is too young, was just curious if the neighbours think that. The grandparents seem to be round there on a Sunday when she’s often invited, just wonder if it’s more effort for them to entertain/have Dh round in a way too.

It’s too young but, seeing as how you’re defending the decision to PPs who have replied, you’re obviously just going to do it anyway.

This is quite cultural I think as where I live drop off play dates start at 3, when pretty much every child starts Kindergarten/ preschool. They're quite quickly encouraged to be self reliant at kindergarten and most parents prepare them for this before hand (going to the toilet on their own, knowing how to ask the adults they know are looking after them for help) so it was never really a problem.

I did a drop off party for each of my children's fourth birthdays with five or six children each time, and between all three parties only one mum stayed (and her DD had actually been to play without her mum before but her mum had asked if she could drop her off with her sister, who was less than two years older. She was a bit shy and quiet on her own but totally fine and happy with her only slightly older sister there, so it didn't need to be an adult.

@abblie They've stayed so far, but the dad more and has sort of stayed outside chatting 🤔
They we’re happy for him to go along in a dog walk with us as we were heading out for one and the boy wanted to come and the mum was going to Zumba, the dad said it was fine, then he came back to ours and the dad sort of hovered outside the house chatting with Dh

No way would I have left my four year old there without me or her dad, especially as they have a pool.

@NCFT0922 No. I was seeing what others thought and it was more about wondering if they thought Dh should leave her, just by their body language at the gate etc

I’d consider them random neighbours. Absolutely no way would I let a child as young as 4 be looked after by anyone other than a registered childcare provider or close and trusted family and I wouldn’t consider myself quite lax. 4 is just so young. I’d be happier by age 8 or so when I have had many conversations about what is appropriate and what isn’t appropriate and have more faith in their ability to understand boundaries and personal space etc.

I think it's fine! It's play date with a family you trust and super convenient that they are close by.. win win!

@RenoDakota They don’t go in in winter and summer she was with Dh and didn’t want to either. I wouldn’t allow her there to go in a pool without us, but I feel ok about the garden etc

I would consider myself lax that should say

@Jalepenojello Gosh, really…I thought I was quite uptight but was feeling ok ish about it but perhaps I need to think a little more

I think you just need to ask your neighbour! Also ask your DD if she’d be happy without you. I think it’s as much how comfortable DD is with the mum as anything.

Maybe offer to have the little boy on his own first so it doesn’t look like you’re being cheeky.
‘Does little Jimmy want to come round to play? I’m happy to watch them both if you’ve got things to get on with?’

@Shelby2010 I thought of asking that, but she might say she’ll stay and feel put out u was suggesting I didn’t want her to

@Shelby2010 She’s really comfortable with her and has no qualms about asking for the toilet etc.

When my daughter was that age now 13 we had a similar situation only the girls where younger lol alternated playdates in each other homes parents didn't stay in other parents homes and it was great for them these mothers saying oh I wouldn't do it they are young are your children in day care at this age? Children nowadays are to cuddled ffs