Do we leave Dd or stay with her?

[RememberwatchingThewordonFridaynights]

Dd, 4 has made a nice friendship with a neighbours boy, 5, he’s a really sweet boy and good fun for her. They live just 4 doors down and I can see their back garden etc from the bedroom windows. He’s been round to our house a couple of times and she’s been there more often as the mum often invites my Dd more often, when they walk past with their dog and Dd runs to the gate. It’s often better at his as they have a trampoline, pool etc. Dh usually takes her for a couple of hours and stays to chat, he gets on with them but isn’t mad keen to stay for 2 hours. I’ve noticed that a couple of times, shes shouted ‘Come on kids!’ and I saw the grandad open the back gate when Dh took Dd there, he let her in to play with her friend (the mum, dad, sister, brother & gran there too) but sort of stood for ages holding the gate and chatting to Dh. I think he then must have thought ‘Oh I’ll let him in’
We’re just not sure if it seems cheeky to drop Dd off and Dh should be there (I do all other play dates with my friends) or if they wonder why he always comes in and doesn’t just drop her off considering it’s only a few doors down.
Is 4 too young or would you drop her?
They're a great family so I’m v happy to leave her there if it was ok with them and return the favour with their son…but it’s hard to know if they’d want that?
It could be a win win for us all getting a break sometimes and our kids being happy 🤣

It’s perfectly normal round here to leave them to play at that age. Never once had a parent stay once they’d started school. Usually one parent would collect both from school and have them for a couple of hours.

I think it's really strange that your husband stays, he's probably getting on their nerves!

I totally understand this sort of neighbour playdate situation and personally i and my neighbors politelu agreed to end the chatting and tea drinkkng as soon as kids were happy.

Surely child happy playing with neighbourhood friend is ideal break for mum or dad. I think the endless involvement of adults is unnecessary

If you trust them be honest and just discuss this with them.

Why not speak to the other family and ask what works for them?

My DD used to go to our neighbours for a few hours at a time age 3 to play with her best friend. I would pop my head through the door (we were in flats) every 30-45 minutes or so to check if she was okay.

I often used to return the favour; if was like communal parenting as far as the other parent and I were concerned!

If hand on heart your dd isn't a pita I would agree once a week. My ndn sent her dd to ours every Saturday and Sunday at 8 am. That is never OK imo.

If they're nice enough for you to contemplate leaving your kid with, they're nice enough for you to just ask if they would rather you stay or go.

And I'm confused by the responses. Does noone here leave a 4 year old playing at another responsible adults house?

If you know the family and all are happy with the arrangements just go for it - try it for 30mins and build up - you are hardly far away if she needs you

I think it's fine to leave a 4 year old on a playdate without parent staying - when my daughter was little she and the boy next door were in and out of each other's houses.

A trampoline or a pool would make it a no from me.

We’ve all been doing drop off play dates since about 3 onwards. As long as the child knows the parent well (as do you), then there is no issue, as long as you know your child would be happy with it.

Mine were both four when they started playing in neighbours' houses without us staying. As long as you stay in, so they can come home if they want to. I would hate to have to entertain some random adult at my house while the dch play. But best to discuss it with the other DPs, and also, offer to have the Dch at yours.

Why wouldn’t you leave her?

Id actually consider it rude a parent lurking like that.

This is Mn, people don’t even let their 15 year olds at another adults house

Massive red flags for me are the fact your DD is asked around on a Sunday when the grandparents are there, and the grandad hovered at the gate kind of not letting your husband in. They could be a perfectly lovely family, but you dont know the grandparents!

Or they don’t want some random man gate crashing their family visit.

A child is fine, they will entertain each other, I’d be pretty pissed if anyone tried to hover when I had my parents over.

I wouldn't at 4 because children that age still need help from a parent or trusted adult at times. I'd only leave my child with someone who I was comfortable with providing care, including help using the toilet, to them if required. I've ended up cleaning up someone else's 4 year old on a day out together (the mum was struggling with her toddler so I'd taken the older two children to the toilet) and tbh I was a bit uncomfortable with the situation as I didn't know the mum or child that well.

Why don't you just have a chat with her, explaining what you've said on here, to take away any awkwardness with your DH hanging around? Explain WHY he's there & that at 4, you're trying to get it right so everybody is comfortable?

Too young. I was sexually assaulted by a little girl who lived down the street’s dad. I was seven. They were a ‘nice’ family too.

I would ask him to yours first without his mum (Does X want to come over at about 3 o clock? You're very welcome to just leave him and I'll bring him home at about 5.) and if she's happy with that I'd take it as a green light to suggest you leave yours with them next time. Like you say, it could turn into a very handy reciprocal arrangement.

We're good friends with a family in our street and our girls, now aged 5, are always at each other's houses without the other parent tagging along. We started when they were coming up to 4 but we have been good friends since the girls were babies. I don't mind having the other girl over at all as I know in another day or two my child will be invited there and I'll have a few hours to myself!

Like I say, we are friends - I wouldn't palm my child off with any neighbour, but as you've been to theirs and they've been to yours you can hopefully be fairly confident they're a family you can trust.