To have said no to neighbours DS doing jobs for us

[bafol10055]

Neighbours DS is 16/17, when first they moved in about 3 years ago, he'd walk our dog a few times a week. It was fine and he was polite etc, his behaviour then changed, I’d constantly hear him shouting at his mum and he stopped walking the dog, police brought him home a on more than one occasion, one occasion wasn't too long ago.

Yesterday, he was out cleaning one of the cars and asked DH if he wanted him to clean his after. DH said yes and after he paid him and told him to ask me to do today as we're currently sorting things and he'd be able to help with moving things, he asked me and I told him politely that I don't need his help, he then mentioned taking the dog for a walk like he used to as he's bored and I told him he'd already been for a walk.

His mum then came round and told me I was being unfair on him, he's been kicked out of college so he's trying to do find a job but he's struggling so he very kindly offered to do jobs for me, DH has agreed with her and told me the boy told him yesterday no one gives him a chance anymore so he was happy DH did.

Was I BU?

Did he want money in return or was he just offering to help out?

His mother is BU and a cheeky fucker to expect you to pay him to do jobs. fair enough if your husband decided to pay him to wash his car though.

YANBU the mum was ooo but if you do have some bits you can give him to keep him out of trouble and help you out it'd be a kind thing to do.

I wouldn't trust some random troublemaker to walk my dog. YANBU.

YANBU. It’s not your responsibility to give him something to do or money in exchange for it. Your DH should not be arranging things for you, presumably he realises you’re an adult & can make your own decisions? And as for his mother…

YANBU, you're not the street's job centre.

Tell his mum to play you to employ him.

*pay

If he asks again, ask if he has insurance for walking the dog /accidental damage that the cars.

So you don’t know what sort of trouble got him excluded from college?

Violence?

Drugs?

Other anti-social behaviour?

It must be something. So you’re right to be very wary.

And quite honestly, if his mother is causing trouble even before he’s started ‘working’ for you, I can only imagine how things might escalate if it all went wrong.

If you generally get on with your neighbours and they have done you any good turns - the very best I would suggest is that you allow him to work outside the house. Don’t have him inside. And hold your husband responsible for ending the arrangement immediately at the first sign of trouble.

I don't know why he's been kicked out of college. I did used to trust him to walk the dog but now I don't and there's no more jobs for him to do outside, the rest are inside.

Sound like your DH not being on the same page is the problem, not the CF neighbour.

His Mum was out of order, but, tbf, your dh told him to come round as you have stuff he could help with

DH told him to ask, he didn't say he definitely could.

Well you can’t (I assume) afford to pay the wages of an unemployed (almost) adult, he needs to get a real job! I’d blame the cost of living crisis and say you’re sorry but you can’t afford to pay him at this time.

Why don't you trust him? What has he actually done?

YANBU. You're entitled to say 'no, thank you'.

Well the mother is being unreasonable if she expects you to pay for him to do things you already do. As if everyone just has spare cash for a dog Walker when they are perfectly capable of walking the dog themselves for free. It's not your responsibility to make sure he is busy and paid. Tell him to work on his CV

His mum sounds a right stupid cow.

That alone would put me off paying him for the odd job.

I'd be having firm words with your husband. He should have spoken to you before saying you'd give work to this kid.

To be fair to the kid, you can see why it would feel like mixed messages. It probably basically felt like a yes from your husband, to turn around to a frosty no from you.

(not that that's unreasonable - I'd hate my husband to suddenly make me ad hoc manager of a random teen)

His mum should absolutely butt out though - but again, the kid didn't necessarily ask her too! She will have asked him why he was back so soon, I'm guessing.

He didn't very kindly offer to do jobs for you - he wanted to do jobs in exchange for payment, he wasn't volunteering. Tell his cf mum that it is not your responsibility to rehabilitate her son. He is not a charity case. He either needs a proper job or to go back in to education.

Me neither . I can't imagine trusting a teen with my dog .

Tell her to give him some jobs to do.
You never promised to give him jobs to do. Why should you create jobs for him and be our of pocket.

He was just asking to help out as he was bored but he probably would've expected to be paid as I used to give him £5 for walking the dog.

I don't trust him now due to his behaviour with the police taking him home and I've now found out he's been kicked out of college.

Young people occasionally get into trouble and still deserve to be given a chance.It just sounds like a large burden of this is falling on you and that's unfair. If I had realistic jobs to do which I'd always I tended to out source I'd offer them to him.Perhaps the mother is just stressed out over the situation.