Wfh- where should workspace be?

[Michellexxx]

We have quite an open plan middle/back of the house. Husband wfh half of the week. He also likes to watch YouTube/partial to gaming. The office space was in this plaxe pre wfh and has remained so.

Husband has many calls and then talks when playing games (some evenings/weekends). So we’re always impacted by it. School holidays in particular when everyone is home.

Our kids are very keen on bunk beds and so my husband has the idea that he’ll take the bedroom as an office when it becomes spare. So we’d gain more of the open plan space back maybe for tog storage.

But I am feeling a bit relevant to give up a full room. he’ll absolutely take it over and try to decorate- I want to leave the day bed in there and will need space for some of the children’s clothes too. It will also probably only be for about 2/3 years.

Am I being unreasonable in feeling resentful about this? Or does it make sense and will stop us from getting annoyed with one another!

He sounds selfish!

He’s being selfish but that sounds less annoying than the current set up! Can’t you agree “term” like a sofa bed and a chest of drawers etc before locking him away?

Definitely send the noisy bugger into the bedroom! Such selfish behaviour in the main living space.

But yes, have your conditions - day bed, storage, no decorating etc. As you say it won't be for too long as presumably the kids will want their own rooms back at some point.

I think it will be worth it to get rid of his selfish habits.

What's your solution to where he wfh?

It seems you don't want him in the open plan living space, but you don't want him in an unused bedroom either?

I'd think it would be better to put him in the bedroom, but make it a multi-purpose office/spare room/storage space.

We have almost exactly the same arrangement. The differences being that our dc are older, so one bedroom is available for most of the year while one dc is away, but unavailable for several weeks at a time while that dc is at home; and that dh is struggles with others' noise when he has to work in the more open plan area downstairs.

Dh works in the 'spare' bedroom most of the time, transferring downstairs when it is unavailable. Which is the holidays, when everybody is around - ie the most challenging time, noise-wise! Also if we have a guest, and need the bedroom.

Dh keeps things he needs constantly in a filing case so that he can switch rooms with minimum of fuss. The dc whose bedroom he is using gets to keep their stuff in the room, neatly tidied away when they are away.

We compromise, and it works.

If the kids genuinely want to share a room then it makes sense to turn the spare room into an office/storage for clothes space. If you're pissed off with him being in the open shared space it makes sense to use the room to give him more privacy for calls.

What is a day bed? What do you use it for?

Makes sense for him to use the bedroom as his office if the kids are keen to share. Def keep a bed in there though.

How much equipment does he have? Is it just a laptop or a bigger monitor? Why can’t he just work in your bedroom? It would be annoying but surely less disruptive to your dc.

What sex are the kids? Perhaps he could decorate so that it would suit a teen boy or be a neutral background for a more girl friendly scheme for when they move back. As you say keep the day bed or a sofa bed for guests and ensure you still have the clothes storage.

Frankly I would welcome the wfh from being out if my space so I could do what I want without being mindful if showing up in the background of a zoom call or banging in the kitchen if I need to unload dishwasher etc

How very dare he make calls when wfh!!!! So selfish!!!

He's being a bit of an arse with the gaming, but it seems to make sense for him to have a space that doesn't bother you all when he's wfh and as a by product when he's gaming.

Get him a fold up desk and make it clear that this room is still a bedroom. Your kids will likely change their minds in a year or two so absolutely no point in decorating.

I mean, his WFH has to happen somewhere – presumably, unless it’s optional and he has the choice to go back to the office in which case YANBU. So choose the least-worst option. Is there scope/cash for a garden office, garage conversion, alcove desk in the sitting room or somewhere that can be shut behind doors, etc etc? Show us a floor plan!

I think if it’s a bedroom and temporary, absolutely reasonable to agree some ground rules for it about decorating. But in seven years of living with DP and him wfh one (1!) day a week, I’ve never been able to stop him commandeering the room his desk is in and taking over the whole space…

When you WFH you work. Its important and not a skive. Move him and all his work stuff into the bedroom. Could he game in there too?

YABU about not wanting him anywhere (but I get the frustration).

Personally I’d say let him use the bedroom for everything - although sound wise will this work if the kids are in bed?

Other option would be to have the spare bedroom as the WFH space (all it needs is a desk/chair but then otherwise can be a bedroom still) and keep the gaming downstairs?

Agree with others saying don’t let him decorate if he’s possibly not got the room forever!

I think the bedroom sounds like a great plan for an office. Then over the next few years save up for a little garden office so when the children no longer want to share you have a plan.

So I know I’m being a bit ridiculous because I basically don’t like him in the living area but also don’t want to give up the room!

We initially agreed on an outdoor office but he’s now decided he doesn’t think it would work because he’s worried I would get annoyed if he went out there to game at the weekends. (Which I might, but really he should just reduce the time he’s doing that). He’s also worried about extra cost of heating it etc.

There is a dedicated space in the living area- he has a computer and 3 (!) monitors. It’s just it’s a room with an alcove doorway into it and no way to close it off. So a relatively big space.

I think I’ll have to give up the room - kids are both girls and the room they would share is very big. But I’ll take your suggestion and make it clear that it’s a multi purpose room. As it stand, he’s started putting ‘vintage game memorabilia’ on shelves in the work area at the moment, so that could be moved behind a closed door, which would be a bonus tbh.

I just don’t want an argument in a couple of years when the girls need to separate again! He’s never had to share a room- I had to share until I left home- so I don’t think he understands why sharing can end up annoying.

Also, he does have the choice to go into the office full time. But he doesn’t want to..

I think you’re being a bit mean here. You don’t like him wfh in the living room, but you also don’t want him to make an office space? Just because he can go into the office doesn’t mean he has to - if he’s allowed by work to wfh then why shouldn’t he sometimes?

By all means make the office a spare room too but it is his house too, is he not allowed to have any space in it?

I think you just need to suck it up and let him use the bedroom.

If I was him, I’d want to WFH when I could and be comfortable doing so. The garden office point about heating is also totally reasonable from him, we were going to get one but decided against it due to the cost of heating it.

If he’s got 3 monitors, your downstairs will look much less workspacey when they’ve been moved away and they still only take up one desk worth of space upstairs.

Are you my husband?! 🤣
The area he has at the moment is big- it’s a full room and he’s already put loads of his stuff all over the walls. It’s also much, much more than any of our friends have dedicated to one persons taste (gaming posters etc). And they have extra space and people wfh.

He also has 2 sheds outside- one that has electricity etc in and he frequently tinkers about out there. So he’s not hard done by, don’t worry!

He has one room and wants a second one?

Oh, if he can work out the house full time, and you have the space/budget for a garden office (these can be heated and insulated and really are the ideal solution to WFH as they give you a “faux commute” across the garden and help you separate home/work life), and he has tinker sheds, and he’s a “must have three enormous monitors” type (DP is the same and we’ve had to buy a house with an extra office to accommodate his “must-have” monitors for 2 days WFH… yet in the office he hot desks from a laptop no problem ), I don’t think he should be using communal living space or a bedroom! Houses are for living, not work: and I say that as someone who has WFH for a decade.

A friend of mine has a deal with a neighbour who works out of the home.

He pays her a little each month then goes there to do his work from home in peace in her office.

Neighbour works out of the home so she isn't put out.

Is this an option?

Surely working from home is now optional.

A lot of people do seem to think working while wfh is optional.