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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to think it's weird for partner to have the worst arguments over what's app ?

30 replies

isitjust · 13/11/2022 15:22

Partner does not like conflict basically I think... but open to ideas here.
We have the worst arguments over what's app.
When he comes home it's like I've been arguing with a different person. He acts almost normally. I'm not an aggressive person but his venting on what's app really brings out the worst in me and I write the most truthful things back which I probably wouldn't say in real life as they are very confrontational.
But does anyone else scream over what's app (I use CAPS LOCK) 😂
At the moment he is claiming I was deceitful as I discussed some issues we were having with a joint friend (and when he asked me I denied it- so fair point - he read my texts and all hell has broken loose. I haven't even told the joint friend every thing.
Partner denies all the things he is deceitful about - always has a smart answer (in his mind)
Yesterday I asked him was he chatting on kik. He said a categorical NO.
I was awake at 5am and wanted to confirm my suspicions and looked on his phone - and he had sent someone a message . They havent replied
This was his reason for saying no he said - he wasn't chatting on KIK. I said it was a downright lie. He said if they would have replied he would have said he was chatting.
God help me... Confused

OP posts:
Glitteratitar · 13/11/2022 15:24

So you both lie to each other? And happily so.

That doesn’t sound healthy.

OrigamiOwls · 13/11/2022 15:26

He's trying to chat someone else up and then arguing over the semantics of it?
You both rifle through each others phones to find evidence against the other
This doesn't sound healthy.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/11/2022 15:28

I think it's clear from the lying and checking each other's phones that you both have an honesty issue. You need couples' counselling t work on this stuff in a less competitive/unhealthy way.

As it is, it's really unhealthy.

Winceybincey · 13/11/2022 15:29

Why are you together? This isn’t normal.

takealettermsjones · 13/11/2022 15:30

How long have you been together? I'd be wondering whether it's worth it tbh.

rainonasunnyday · 13/11/2022 15:32

Stop
this sounds toxic

Tsort · 13/11/2022 15:55

Your relationship sounds toxic. Are you both very young? I really hope so, as you clearly need to grow up!

isitjust · 13/11/2022 15:58

We've lived together for 3 years. We're both early 50's
I feel like I'm being negatively influenced by his behavior.
I'm a very honest person.
His children all say he is narcissistic and selfish. They love me.
It's giving me a stomach ulcer.

OP posts:
Onlyforcake · 13/11/2022 16:03

It sounds like the end really

Chikapu · 13/11/2022 16:06

Ah come on, you're both way too old for this shit. Call it a day.

isitjust · 13/11/2022 16:10

@Chikapu that's what it feels like. I do love him (very much) but this is doing me in.
I love his kids too who all live with us. So I am going to hate leaving them as he doesn't look after them. They were used to looking after themselves so at least I know they will manage without me - I just feel shit

OP posts:
welshpolarbear · 13/11/2022 16:10

50's!!!!!

Jeez, thought you might have been early 20's.

This is definitely not healthy op.

Whatwaswrongwiththatusername · 13/11/2022 16:15

No idea if I've got the wrong end of the stick here, but if you just refuse to reply/argue when he messages you on WhatsApp, with whatever it is he (or you, if you also start one on there) wants to argue about, then surely it won't actually escalate into an argument on WhatsApp. Is this not the simplest solution?

Scurryfunge12 · 13/11/2022 16:22

Omg. People still use KIK!? I thought it was full of predators and pervs these days 🤣

isitjust · 13/11/2022 16:22

@Whatwaswrongwiththatusername
I know- it's when you feel wrongly accused - it's so horrible and hard not to react. I know you're right though

OP posts:
isitjust · 13/11/2022 16:22

@Scurryfunge12 exactly

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 13/11/2022 16:25

No man is worth giving yourself a stomach ulcer. Can you live apart and meet for dates once a week.

Scurryfunge12 · 13/11/2022 16:30

I’d end it. Sounds toxic, and him using kik would set my alarm bells going knowing what it’s mostly used for. Doesn’t seem like he has much respect for you.

Nanny0gg · 13/11/2022 16:31

isitjust · 13/11/2022 15:58

We've lived together for 3 years. We're both early 50's
I feel like I'm being negatively influenced by his behavior.
I'm a very honest person.
His children all say he is narcissistic and selfish. They love me.
It's giving me a stomach ulcer.

What's the point of it all?

Nanny0gg · 13/11/2022 16:32

isitjust · 13/11/2022 15:58

We've lived together for 3 years. We're both early 50's
I feel like I'm being negatively influenced by his behavior.
I'm a very honest person.
His children all say he is narcissistic and selfish. They love me.
It's giving me a stomach ulcer.

How old are they?

SleepingStandingUp · 13/11/2022 16:33

Leave him, report to SS as appropriate

Summerfun54321 · 13/11/2022 16:34

So you’re verbally abusing each other just not to each other’s face? So so odd.

isitjust · 13/11/2022 16:48

@Summerfun54321
I feel like I'm sticking up for myself.

OP posts:
Gumreduction · 13/11/2022 16:52

Poor kids, whether children or adults, having to live in this shit show of a relationship

isitjust · 13/11/2022 17:01

It was a whole lot worse before I came in the scene Confused

OP posts: