Aibu to think it's weird for partner to have the worst arguments over what's app ?

[isitjust]

Partner does not like conflict basically I think... but open to ideas here.
We have the worst arguments over what's app.
When he comes home it's like I've been arguing with a different person. He acts almost normally. I'm not an aggressive person but his venting on what's app really brings out the worst in me and I write the most truthful things back which I probably wouldn't say in real life as they are very confrontational.
But does anyone else scream over what's app (I use CAPS LOCK) 😂
At the moment he is claiming I was deceitful as I discussed some issues we were having with a joint friend (and when he asked me I denied it- so fair point - he read my texts and all hell has broken loose. I haven't even told the joint friend every thing.
Partner denies all the things he is deceitful about - always has a smart answer (in his mind)
Yesterday I asked him was he chatting on kik. He said a categorical NO.
I was awake at 5am and wanted to confirm my suspicions and looked on his phone - and he had sent someone a message . They havent replied
This was his reason for saying no he said - he wasn't chatting on KIK. I said it was a downright lie. He said if they would have replied he would have said he was chatting.
God help me...

I honestly do get that horrible feeling of wanting to defend yourself and how hard it can be to resist, especially over something big, or you feel strongly about etc. it can be so hard to resist, I know, but if you can somehow make a conscious decision each and every time, it'll become easier each time, but also it should make him do it less frequently if you're not replying to any of his argumentative messages. It really isn't worth what it's doing to your health at all. I'm assuming, from this, that the two of you find communication and conflict hard/impossible in person, and so likely how this developed. By not taking the bait then surely it'll eventually lead to not only less of this but possibly increase the likelihood that in the end you two will have to communicate more in person, and actually speak about these things instead. Text is so hard to pick up on meaning/non-verbal tells/body language etc, which can pull an online argument 100 different ways and amplifies every single negative thing both of you ever write.

@Whatwaswrongwiththatusername
Thank you so much for your kind message . I've just asked him if we can stop now and be compassionate towards each other. I said I have stopped responding negatively.
I will take your advice and not respond anymore unless it is a kind message.
He just keeps reiterating the same old stuff anyway about lies and deceit.

I'd keep the kids and dump him. I wouldn't want to let them be looked after by a man like that.

And this is the man you love? The man who traumatised his kids to an even greater extent before you got together?

You do know that all this is optional? Including the stomach ulcer?