Did I overreact? Do I need to apologise?

[Overreactionpossibly]

I may have done and am happy to be told that IABU and need to apologise but I need some perspective.
I am conscious that I am very hormonal but am also just so fed up.
This week H suggested taking the kids out to a particular place today and I agreed. Yesterday, I went to the supermarket and got things for a picnic This morning I got up with DD(2), got her ready, gave her breakfast etc.
At half 9 I went up to find DD (6) and her dad watching TV in bed and asked if they were getting up.
They did and I left both children with H for 40 minutes while I ran an errand that had to be done this morning. I stopped and put fuel in the car on the way back.

I came back to find older DD half dressed and playing. H was upstairs doing I don't know what.
I got on with making the picnic with the 2 year old dangling off me and screaming. Then went into the living room.
H is laid on the sofa and the room is a tip. I asked DD to clean up and she started wailing that it wasn't her mess. He got up and helped her and then disappeared back upstairs.
Over the next 10 minutes, older DD had a strop about putting on her socks, getting up off the floor and being asked to find the hairbrush. All while younger DD caused mayhem and I tried to get us ready.
DH was fuck knows where.

When he finally reappeared he snapped at me for something minor.
So, I took myself up to the bedroom with a cup of tea and a book and said that I wasn't going out.
He took the kids on his own, saying that I was childish.

I know that I cut off my nose to spite my face but it's always the same. I sort everything. It never crosses his mind to get the toddlers bag ready or to make lunch or snacks.
Older DD is going through a phase of being bloody awkward.

So let me have it. WIBU?

YANBU. What would happen if you stopped getting the kids ready?

Or when he suggests a day out, you say ‘great idea, tell me what time you and the kids will be ready?’

Older DD is going through a phase of being bloody awkward.
I assume she takes after your DH?

YANBU

Please don’t blame a perfectly reasonable response to the bad behaviour of others on your hormones.

I hope you had a lovely day without them😊
sometimes you just have to do it!

Agree with previous poster, don’t blame hormones, it makes women sound like they are not able to control their emotions.

Of course you are not being unreasonable. If I were you I would have left them to it and gone out by myself.

If that happened as described, I think you know you’re not being unreasonable.

I wouldn't usually blame hormones but I am struggling a bit with a new implant and am quite tearful so am conscious that I am not fully in control of them.

Thank you all for the replies. I appreciate it.

YANBU. But I am also, hormonal and have just told my cat to fuck off and had a cry and apologised to him. But why should you do all the grunt work and hard shitty bits preparing for a good day out with the kids while he’s dondering around elsewhere not helping?!? I hope you had some good snacks with your book and enjoyed some quiet. My DH is oblivious when we try go out with DS too!!!!

I am sure that he would do it eventually but we would be ridiculously late doing anything, the day would be half over and would have hungry, cranky children because it would be nearly lunch and nap time before we even left the house.

I would also be annoyed but I would have said something much sooner. Wasn't there any planning discussions the night before or even in the morning?

Or when you left for the errand, why didn't you say 'jsut going to do X, the picnic stuff is in the fridge if you get that done while I'm out we can leave as soon as I'm back'. There just seems to be a lot of you quietly getting more annoyed. Communicating would help surely.

I had a nap and a bath and a Belgian bun.

I was looking forward to my sandwich though and missed out on it because it went out with them.

YANBU. What would happen if you stopped getting the kids ready?
They would end up going.

OP my husband is the same but just with going out 0, including holidays.

hes got his shoes on and he is sorted, while I'm sorting everything and everyone else.

He ruined a holiday last year by sulking the whole time because I had the audacity to snap at him when stressed which apparently I had no right to to because all I had to do was "pack a few things"

Ignoring the fact that's it's 3 kids, several animals and a 5 bedroom house to clean, pack, arrange and sort.

this years holiday I made a fucking long list of all the shit that needed to be done before we left the house.

even just remembering it is winding me up

YANBU to be annoyed but I agree you cut off your nose to spite your face. I think it’s flawed to expect your 6 year old to have it together and do her fair share when her dad doesn’t, he’s a bad example to her, no point calling her awkward. In practical terms I’d have sent him on the errand while I got the kids ready rather than doing the errand and then being annoyed stuff hasn’t been done in my absence when it never gets done. He sounds like a pain.

I don't think you over-reacted at all in terms of your H - he sounds childish & disorganised.

However, I think it's disappointing for the kids, and a pity that the day out didn't happen as planned (as in, the whole family going)

I don't think you should apologise. I do think you should discuss the issues clearly with H and see if he will change.

YANBU. Not sure why men decide to go on a day out but then do fuck all of the planning of arrangements to go on that day out!

When things have calmed down I’d explain that you are always one dressing kids, making lunch etc.

@Overreactionpossibly

you appear to be married to a man child.

you need to either

a) discuss this behaviour with him & make him address it

OR

b) accept it and be the one to initiate the plan & give instructions

one thing is for certain, just seething won't change anything.

Thank you for the alternative perspective.
I didn't see him last night so couldn't arrange things. His point I'd that if I ask, he will do.
But I have spoken to him about it before and I don't want to spend my life micro-managing another adult. It makes me feel like I'm nagging.

I also take the point about the children. I warned older DD three times but I have to admit that she is pushing her luck a bit at the moment.

When ours were little I would get me, them and picnic ready. My dh would just bother with himself. He only queried why I took so long to get ready the once. 😡

Don't apologise but improve your communication so you're not being a martyr and doing everything, then snapping. He does sound aggravating but I would struggle to keep up with you and there seems no option but just to assist you as you have everything covered.

Because she is not her dh’s project leader.

YABU to throw a strop in front of the DCs and not go to something they were looking forward to with you.

My dad would do this and there would be tension all day.

But your DH sounds like lazy idiot and it’s no surprise you snapped but it’s just a shame the DCs were impacted by it.

The key thing here is that you really shouldn't have to ask. He should realise that in order to go out, the kids need to get ready and at their ages, he must help getting them ready. He doesn't get to just get himself and only himself ready.

No hormones involved with that.

The only disappointing thing is that you missed your sandwich. If you've got your thinking hat on, I have a feeling it may happen again that he doesn't get the finger out and relies heavily on you, make sure you take your sandwich/whatever is yours out of the bag that they will use and then send them on a Daddy/kids bonding day!

He expects you to do everything then he’ll get up and go. That’s kind of outrageous. He shouldn’t have taken the kids without you. He should have apologized and all of you go and have fun. Instead he doubled down and then took kids, leaving you hime after you did everything. He is a jerk. No, you didn’t overreact. He needs to apologize.

I sort everything. It never crosses his mind to get the toddlers bag ready or to make lunch or snacks.

Have you said this to him? As I get the impression you’re silently stewing and then snapping. That achieves nothing. He’s not pulling his weight, so you need to have an actual conversation (or multiple conversations) about it.