Did I overreact? Do I need to apologise?

[Overreactionpossibly]

I may have done and am happy to be told that IABU and need to apologise but I need some perspective.
I am conscious that I am very hormonal but am also just so fed up.
This week H suggested taking the kids out to a particular place today and I agreed. Yesterday, I went to the supermarket and got things for a picnic This morning I got up with DD(2), got her ready, gave her breakfast etc.
At half 9 I went up to find DD (6) and her dad watching TV in bed and asked if they were getting up.
They did and I left both children with H for 40 minutes while I ran an errand that had to be done this morning. I stopped and put fuel in the car on the way back.

I came back to find older DD half dressed and playing. H was upstairs doing I don't know what.
I got on with making the picnic with the 2 year old dangling off me and screaming. Then went into the living room.
H is laid on the sofa and the room is a tip. I asked DD to clean up and she started wailing that it wasn't her mess. He got up and helped her and then disappeared back upstairs.
Over the next 10 minutes, older DD had a strop about putting on her socks, getting up off the floor and being asked to find the hairbrush. All while younger DD caused mayhem and I tried to get us ready.
DH was fuck knows where.

When he finally reappeared he snapped at me for something minor.
So, I took myself up to the bedroom with a cup of tea and a book and said that I wasn't going out.
He took the kids on his own, saying that I was childish.

I know that I cut off my nose to spite my face but it's always the same. I sort everything. It never crosses his mind to get the toddlers bag ready or to make lunch or snacks.
Older DD is going through a phase of being bloody awkward.

So let me have it. WIBU?

I voted YABU because he sounds like a lazy and/or unorganised father but he's never going to change if you keep letting him get away with leaving it all to you. Your children aren't going to starve, if they're cranky then take yourself out and let him deal with them. Your DC will probably be more upset when they look back on this one day by you refusing to join them rather than them waiting a bit longer to go out.

YANBU
The only thing I would watch is why are you asking your 6yo DD to tidy up when your DH is right there on the sofa doing fuck all? You are role modelling to your DD that tidying is girls/womens work. Especially how you said that DH “helped” you 6yo DD tidy mess that wasn’t even her mess!

The whole dynamic in your home is sexist. You need a sea change.

Agree that you are not communicating your reasonable expectations to your DH and that you should not be modelling to ypur DD that the woman does everything while DH ducks out.
Read "Fair Play" - it was written for exactly the scenario you describe, where you think of and organise everything, while not wanting to micro-manage another adult who should be taking on a share of it without being told. Better address this dynamic now, or sign up for a lifetime of frustration and martyrdom.
Good luck.

YANBU I would have just stopped getting everything ready. I think your DH was being very unreasonable to call you childish.

YANBU at all. And don’t whatever you do apologise and say it was your hormones.

Own it.

No she is his partner. Partners communicate, they work out how life is going to go, they make plans by discussing who is going to do what.

Yes, I have spoken to him before but maybe it needs spelling out more. I just find it frustrating that I am expected to know what to do while he can claim that he doesn't.

In regards to DD, it was her mess. Her craft stuff was all over the floor.
And she is going through an awkward phase. Lots of claiming that she can't do things that she is very capable of e.g. putting on her socks and then wailing that noone will help her. It's a bit waring.
DH does his fair share of the cooking and cleaning so she definitely doesn't see this as woman's work.

YANBU, he should've been sorting at least the picnic or the kids while you ran the errand.

Sorry, but I think you played a blinder. I’m probably a crappy mum for saying this, but if I had to choose between a day out with two young kids, or being home alone with a good book, TV remote and some nibbles, I would go for the home alone scenario….

YANBU. Why should you be apologising? He was the one lolling around whilst you did the grunt work and organising

Most houses in most towns all over the world. The work between a mother and father is so disproportionate.

I got a phone call ten days ago to say I needed urgent review by a gynaecologist. My appointment came through for Thursday just gone. In the run up, my husband made Sunday lunch from scratch, did all the housework, and has been super on the ball since. I think he's got it into his head that depending on the results of my biopsy he could be doing a lot more stuff! He's pretty good most of the time but does need a kick up the bum at times, as I'm sure most men do.

In your situation, I'd have done exactly the same. I'd relish time alone with my book and a cuppa while he's out with the kids x

Thank you again all.
I will talk to him, it seems like he is not the only one but the inequality gets on my tits.
They get away with it because we don't want the kids to miss out or the day be spoiled by cross words.
He's good in most ways but just doesn't seem to see what needs doing when it comes to going out with the kids. It's like it all happens by magic.

I hope that you are ok @DWMoosmum and that you are being properly looked after.