To think this post was completely out of order?

[ohmano]

A woman on my Instagram put up a story and wrote, 'only poofs get hangovers' with a picture of her smiling (she is married to a man).

I messaged the woman the following....

'You do know that the word ‘poof’ is a homophobic slur commonly used against gay men? It is highly inappropriate that you have used such a word whether in jest or not and then broadcast it amongst all your followers (plenty I’m sure are as disgusted and appalled as myself). It’s not funny, it’s not acceptable, and I suggest you educate yourself on appropriate and non-derogatory language'

She responded - 'Thanks for the education. I’ll be sure to educate myself so that everyone who already knows I’m the furthest thing from homophobic, continue to know I’m the furthest thing from homophobic. You won’t know that because you’ve taken time out of your day to message a STRANGER, someone you do not know and will never know, so cheers for the disgust and judgement from one post. Anyway, I’ll let you get back to being embarrassed on behalf of random people on Instagram and selling Tropic Skincare. Hope your business is thriving'

And is now continuing to hound me. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut but I couldn't believe how brazen she was to post such a thing. AIBU?

Is this your first day on Earth? People don't take kindly to even the smallest of criticism, so surely you'd know a scathing message like that wouldn't go down well?

Yes of course it is. She's responded in the way that she has you're better off reporting and moving on.
Not everyone is worthy of a response or even your head space.

The way you phrased your "callout" left her with no avenue for a graceful climbdown. You were combative, belittling and high-handed so you were never going to get a horrified, submissive, apologetic response. Fine to say that people don't deserve to given the benefit of the doubt and offered an easy out, fine to be angry and give your point of view, but if what you want is apologetic, placatory replies, and people agreeing that they need to educate themselves, you won't get it by telling them off the way you did, because humans don't work like that.

Do you really think she cares what you think?

Whilst she posted something very off, as a PP said, you really need tone etc in person to call this out and I wouldn't have bothered for a stranger online. The phrase "educate yourself" is often used by blinkered people who think they are right because their "facts" back up their narrative. I don't think your response came over well at all.

I got a ban from a website (not this one) for describing the mammoth from ice age as having poofy hair. I ment pouffed as in bouffant but it was taken out of context and I was instantly banned! 😩

I don’t think you were wrong to call her out, you were incredibly pompous in the way you worded it and it’s no wonder she reacted in the way she did.

Just received this message now -

'Hi Gayle, I’m Graeme and I’m a poof. I’m also a dear friend of Lauren that you have decided to be abusive towards.

As I am gay, and don’t find the term poof offensive wtf has it got to do with you what language offends gays - not being one yourself.

Piss off and leave her alone.

CLOWN'

Honest to god

YANBU, well done for calling her out - the more people who do, the less homophobia we will have to contend with.

In some cases it really is simply a matter of educating people. My own DDad used to use the P slur as an interchangeable word for 'wimp', but since I have explained to him that it's offensive, he has stopped using it.

My 16 year old DD is gay, and the P and F slurs for gay people are said all the time at school, there are still kids who say "That's so gay" about things they don't like - you'd really have hoped we'd have moved on by now. My DD has encouraged other LGB kids at school to report each and every incident to their Deputy Head (who is also, incidentally a member of the LGB community), and it does seem to be slowly beginning to have an impact.

Slurs against anyone should always be called out.

Report and don't respond.

The problem with using slurs publicly is that while your close friends might not be offended, it's not a private conversation with them. You're addressing the entire world.

Well, that's what happens when you message random strangers like that.

I really don't know what you were hoping to achieve with your original message tbh.

Yes this. It’s one thing to leave a comment on someone’s post but to send them a private message is pretty creepy.

@ilyx 'creepy'?

Yes it’s absolutely creepy. Being sent a private message from a complete stranger. Why didn’t you just comment under the post?

Yes, this is true.

If I'm ever tempted to call anyone out like you did I remind myself of this saying "never wrestle with a pig, you just get dirty and the pig enjoys it".

@ilyx because it was on her story and there's no way to publicly reply? Also I doubt someone would prefer a message like that to be put on a post for everyone to see versus private.

So why send her a message at all?

Why not just unfollow her and move on with your day?

Ok but your message was pretty aggressive to a complete stranger, you could have worded it less angrily. She might just have gay friends who say that around her and not thought much of it. You can’t really complain that now your getting aggressive messages when you did start this.

I think she can complain that the woman is now getting her mates to send abusive messages.

And I don't think OP's initially message was abusive. It was never going to prompt a pleasant response but it wasn't abusive.

I'd just share the post, hashtag modern homophobia and let the professionally offended do what they do best. No one gives a pasting like the LGBTQIandtoinfinity community, especially when they have a good reason to.

this is what happens when you’re offered on other people’s behalf, the community you’re “protecting” does always want or need your help.

Hmm that's an odd way to look at things.

But she IS a cunt. So whats the issue?

Well that;s some massive twattery.
Pretty sure we're all responsible for standing up for each other.