Was this parent U?

[afosull]

Going to keep this anonymous for the first post, then I'll say which parent I am after I've got responses.

Parent 1 has a not long turned turned 18 year old DD, she's best friends with a 17 yo boy (parent 2’s child). 17 yo has ADHD which could make him vulnerable, he's allowed to drink a little at parties with his friends but not very often.

The two of them went out to a club, 17 yo was using parent 1’s elder sons ID. Parent 1 knew about this as told elder son how he could get in trouble with someone else using his ID but didn't tell parent 2. The boy told parent 2 he was at a party

Parent 2 found out and isn’t happy

Was parent 1 U?

It's not parent 1 responsibility so they are not BU. Parents needs to sort it out

Hardly crime of the century. Don't all teenagers use fake ID at some point? Good ones used to sell for about £30 when mine were st school. Plus £10 for arranger.

Parent 2 can be unhappy with their 17 year old for lying to them but may want to consider why he did

Parent 2, which I’m assuming is you, needs to chill out.

Parent 2 has a child that for whatever reason isn't comfortable telling the truth to them.
Whether parent 1 was U depends on the relationship and understanding they have with parent 2. They seem to know a lot about the 17 year old's vulnerability etc so maybe parent 2 has spoken to them about a need for vigilance.
The ADHD is, in this instance, though, a bit irrelevant. This is an almost adult who is going to want to go to parties and clubs and it sounds as though he is mollycoddled and over-protected which is what has led to him feeling he needs to lie.
Both parents in their own way are U. The kids involved sound like perfectly normal 17 and 18 year olds.

Without the ADHD it’s a different scenario though. We commenting aren’t to know how the ADHD impacts the boy in question. Severely? It is a brain disability that affects a persons ability to control impulsivity, and is known that a neurodivergent brain can react differently to alcohol, so it might be that he has a completely different tolerance and experience of going out drinking.

Yep sums up my thinking too.

Well, you aren't about to use understandable English it seems.

Nothing to do with the parents, the 17 year old is responsible for their own actions. End of!

Assume OP is parent 2 seen as though they have not returned 😂

with the cost of drinks in nightclubs I would reason that there would be more drink available at the party.

Parent A could have said to parent b - look I have become aware that your son has borrowed my sons id to go to a club. I have told my son off don’t know how you want to deal with it?

Both are old enough to make their own decisions. Expecting parent 1 to be telling tales to parent 2 seems a bit fussy and over involved at that age.

I would be a huge hypocrite to get annoyed at a 17 year old going clubbing I went from the age of 15 and was going to gigs with friends from 14!

I think parent 2 needs to realise that a 17 year old isn't a child tbh!

Agree that ADHD is not really relevant here. Many kids use false I'd. It isn't really a sign of someone who is vulnerable being led into something. Unless the child has learning difficulties in which case maybe they shouldn't be going out clubbing anyway! Sounds more like parent 2 is having difficulty letting their young person go.

I'm parent 1, I spoke to DS about ID’s but it's up to him. I didn't ask the 17yo if his mum knew and didn't tell her as he's 18 in a few months.

Club they are also likely to drink and mix drinks less than if at a party where they’re more chance of getting egged on by peers.

I wouldn't have either. The other parent needs to speak to her child. Its not for you to report his moves to his mum.

It depends on the degree of disability the 17 year old has. My husband is on the spectrum holds down a well respected responsible job, it has minimal impact on his life other than he can't sit still without fiddling with something and sometimes puts his foot in it! We also have a friend with ADHD who did a PhD in physics at Cambridge and now works for Airbus. If I had a DS like either of them I really wouldn't bat an eyelid unless they expected me to sort out the mess at 3am. In which case it would be the 17 year old in hot water.

On the other hand some people are really effected by it and would struggle to live alone. If I had a DS in this category that the other parent was aware needed support I would be annoyed if they supplied the ID.

If parent one just found out about it after the fact i really wouldn't blame them. He's going to be going to clubs in a few months anyway, I tend to find those who do it underage drink less as they don't want to keep going to the bar and getting the ID confiscated 😉

He's 17, it won't beong before he has his own ID and will be able to go out drinking anyway....adhd or not. I don't think I would have been ringing a 17 year old parents about it. I don't think you did anything wrong op.

Parent 2 IBU. It is up to them to police their own 17 yo.

I assume the evening went without any major incident? Where did they think their son was?

Well that’s me told. I won’t sleep tonight for sure. 😢

If the 17 year olds ADHD affects him to the extent that he can't be allowed out without his parents then they need to watch him much more closely. It sounds like he won't be able to live independently as realistically nothing much will change when he gets to 18 in 2 months time. It's not up to another parent to monitor him.
If on the other hand the 17 year olds parents are just a bit precious then they need to talk to their son about borrowing id, safe drinking etc. Over strict rules are more likely to lead to problems I would suggest

Parent 2 is U. Their DS was the one who made a bad decision. But it’s a mild one in teenage terms!