Unwanted manhandling from complete stranger

[Snippit]

This is the scenario. Whilst in our local B&Q with my hubby he bumped into an old squash buddy, he’s a lot older than me 70 to be exact. Whilst they were chatting he moved towards me and I thought he needed to look at the display behind me. He then put his hand partly around my waist momentarily, there was no reason at all for this. He’s a complete stranger to me, never seen him in my life and I found it uncomfortable.

My husband can’t see the problem and told me to grow a pair. I’m feckin fuming, do men not understand boundaries, what the hell!

I’ve discussed this with my 27 year old daughter who thinks the 70 year old was bang out of order and her dad, my hubby being 59 is of that generation that doesn’t understand from a woman’s perspective. I’ve been mulling it over all week thinking ‘did that really happen’, I found it so surreal.

It's gross. Your DH and the creep are out of line.

Would your DH not mind a strange man putting his hands/arm around his waist?

He wasn't a strange man. It was his friend.

Obviously that's no comfort to OP, and a failure of imagination on the husband's part.

I wonder how he'd feel if she'd introduced a friend of hers and she'd reached out out and squeezed his bicep, or similar. Obviously not the same, due to the different rates of sexual harassment between men and women.

He was strange to the OP and that's all that matters here.

Right, of course that's what matters to OP.

Her husband however isn't think 'weirdo stranger touched my wife', he's thinking 'my old mate Bill put his arm around her'.

We all agree 'Bill' shouldn't have, and DH should have accepted his wife's concerns and supported her.

The q is more whether 'Bill' was deliberately boundary crossing and creepy, or whether he's a relic of a bygone age and mostly harmless.

I’m with your husband. I’m struggling to understand why you’re upset? He touched your waist momentarily? I’m a woman, born in the 1960’s and this wouldn’t bother me. 🤷‍♀️

🤮

Think you need to take a time machine back to the 60s and stay there. Your poor daughters.

There are plenty of things that will have changed in Bill's time.
It's his social responsibility to keep up to date with those changes.

Im sure you wouldn't be so lenient if he dragged your child home by the scruff of his neck like they used to 'back in Bill's day'

The q is more whether 'Bill' was deliberately boundary crossing and creepy, or whether he's a relic of a bygone age and mostly harmless

What on earth makes you think men back then thought they were being harmless?! They just thought it was their right to touch women.

I think you are over reacting as all he touched your waist not your boobs or bum! Or done a Trumpesque crotch grab!

Fair enough if you don't like being touched to have moved away or asked him not to do it, but I don't think he did anything that odd or unusual.

It's not ageist at all imo. But an older man and a groper yeuk!

a slighted older man put his arm around your waist, behaviour that was very much normal, gentlemanly behaviour 'in his day' and you're still carrying on about it a week later.
all you had to say was 'please don't' or 'excuse me' and moved away. You're making a massive mountain out of a barely visible molehill.

At last - someone with shred of common sense. The rest of you are a bunch of delicate flowers. He didn't assault you, he didn't intend to assault you, and yet you are still banging on about it. You need to grow up!

Think you need to take a time machine back to the 60s and stay there. Your poor daughters.

Actually no, YOUR poor daughters, being brought up to believe that all men are bad and have evil intent if they so much as look at you.

You're right- women should just put up and shut up and be grateful we didn't get assaulted even though we were made to feel uncomfortable. Maybe we should get back in the kitchen while we're at it. Wise up - of course the op is entitled to be upset if they were made to feel uncomfortable by a stranger touching them in a way they didn't like. There's so many reasons why women don't feel able to speak up at the time, usually at best because their concerns get dismissed or at worst because the man in question gets nasty and the woman has no way of knowing which way that will go with a stranger.

Manhandled?

goodness me, I think my retinas might have detached from how hard I eye rolled at that.

He briefly put his hand on your waist. You weren’t manhandled, female and males have done this to me countless times to get past me, or to stabilise themselves.

my hubby being 59 is of that generation that doesn’t understand from a woman’s perspective.

I'm in my early diaries. DH is mid seventies. We both agree that this persons behaviour was absolutely out of order and are sorry it has happened to you.

Even more sorry that your 'D'H is so un-aware of this sort of stuff.