To ask if this is normal toddler behaviour?

[toddlerdilemma]

Name changed for this.

DD is 18 months. Lately we have seen our placid lovely baby transform into a little tyrant. The tantrums are so stressful at times. Even our childminder has commented on the change in her from super chilled and easy going to "strong willed" and challenging 🙈

Here's a snapshot of her behaviours:

• 8 out of 10 nappy changes are a literal fight with her. She will not lie still. She rolls off the mat and runs away, if I try to hold her still she screams, and I means screams, like I'm torturing her. This is more so if I've had to interrupt her play time to change her.

• throws herself on the floor and shouts "no!" whilst crying if we have to leave somewhere when she's enjoying herself. She did this in the park recently and was literally face down in the mud crying, I had to carry her out of there red faced!

• hates being strapped into her high chair and will cry when we try to do this but does usually settle once we give her her meal etc - it's just the chair she hates (presumably being strapped in / restricted?)

• hits herself in the head when she's overtired - this is only occasionally but it upsets me when she does this as I'm worried she could hurt herself - obviously I hold her hands to stop her doing this

Are these things "normal"? My childminder tells me that in her experience they are and that she's going through the terrible 2s early.

Is she right or do I have a child with behavioural difficulties? 😥

Mine actually went through a short phase of doing that too OP. I think he liked that I gave him a reaction and tried to stop him 🙄 He only maybe did it for a few weeks at most I think. How long has yours been going on?

Toddlers are like a whole different breed aren’t they?! 😳 mine lost his shit the other day because I wouldn’t let him hoover my glass door 🙄 no - he didn’t want to gently swipe the wand/brush part over the door frame, he wanted to lift my actual hoover horizontal and hoover the glass 👍🏻🙄

My DS is a bit like this and has been since the start of toddlerdom after being quite a chilled baby. He’s certainly on the “strong-willed” end of the spectrum in terms of behaviour but within normal range according to nursery. He’s now 2.5 and seems to pick something he won’t do that week at random e.g getting into car seat / nappy changes / getting dressed. He can be delightful but the resistance to almost everything does wear you down. He is slightly more reasonable at 2.5 than 1.5 but also has a lot more language to express that he isn’t going to do something. “That’s not nice mummy. It’s uncomfortable. I don’t like those trousers. I want the red ones. We’re staying at home today.” etc.

I use techniques from “How to talk so little kids will listen “ which work sometimes. Sometimes I end up making him do something so his baby brother doesn’t have to wait around screaming for toddler to do whatever it is he’s having a tantrum about. I pick my battles as well e.g don’t force coat on - if he’s cold I assume he’ll ask for it.

I have occasionally been caught out when I assumed he was having a tantrum just because that’s what he does when there was actually a good reason for it e.g wouldn’t walk due to stone in shoe. So I now try to make sure I listen to whatever he’s upset about!

Oh I had forgotten mine did the head banging, he’d specifically kneel on the bottom step and bang his head against the wall. It lasted about a month, I think it was a mixture of tiredness and boredom.

Frustrating as it is- Normal. My toddler (dc2) pushes me to my limit regularly. Dc1 was never as bad.

@Isthatmcormac 😂 I love that. And why didn't you let him hoover the glass?! Clearly such an unreasonable mummy! 😂

With the head hitting I'd say she's been doing it on and off for around a month maybe? It's not every day, like I say. Maybe once or twice a week.

Also remember nappy changes where I, toddler and bathroom all got covered in poo.

It makes sense that it will get better when she's got the language to express her feelings. She must be so frustrated bless her, having all these feelings and not being able to help properly communicate. She has quite a few words - around 20 or so - but she doesn't say them in sentences, just randomly, E.g. if we see a duck she'll say "quack quack", if my phone rings she says "dada", etc. But she can't tell me what's wrong yet, so I bet that's a huge part of it.

I remember googling 'Is my toddler a psychopath' when DS1 was about that age...

Try nappy pants and get her to help with nappy changes
give her advance warning of leaving a place- 10 min warning, 5 minutes. Then say where you are going next and the park will still be there next time
basically anything to avoid a tantrum.
totally normal though.

toddlers aren’t human….

If she's hitting her head with her hands I'd try completely ignoring it as much as possible. She's very unlikely to proper injure herself and if it just hurts she should stop doing it to herself. I find the more you react to undesirable behaviour in a toddler the more they do it.

For nappy changes, can you do them standing up? And/or offer her the potty? We had to do all changes standing from 9 months and my son was pooing on the potty well before 18 months because he hated nappy changed. We kept explaining they would be quicker and easier if he didn't poo in his nappy and he was quite happy with that.

What has helped me most is the book How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen. I swear that without it I would have gone mad.

Last thought - are her molars on their way through? That caused a lot of upset in our house, including head banging.

😂😂

@toddlerdilemma haha, I’m absolutely terrible aren’t I?! 😅 I really wouldn’t worry about tantrums at this stage - I’m pretty sure it’s a completely normal part of this stage 😊
Hopefully the hitting stops soon. Mine has also been through a stage of pinching his own neck as he was trying to get to sleep 😭

So so normal! My eldest was difficult from the beginning, so I didn't notice thie phase so much, but my angelic second baby? Oh my goodness. He transformed into the devil at around 19 months. He's 2 now and is soooooo difficult! 🙈

Normal

Wait until they go rigid when tyring to get into the car seat

@Twinklenoseblows

Thanks for the advice. If we do changes standing up she runs off, snd bringing her back results in the same tantrums, so it's no easier. We do have a potty, she's never shown much interest in it but maybe we could try again. The HV told me she was a little on the young side for potty training yet?

She has some molars through but more to go, so that could explain it.

@barneymcgroo I’d pay good money to see most toddler parents google history to be fair 😂😂

Oh yeah... we have that occasionally too🙈

For standing nappy changes try putting something interesting on coffee table and change standing there. My DD used to run the length of our downstairs once her nappy was off so I'd just follow her and finish it off wherever she'd got to! Its a tough age although now mine is 2.5 I totally agree with the rigid car seat comment from PP.

😂

Yup sounds like what happened to my boy around that age 😂 He's now very nearly two and still enjoys just lying face down on the pavement on our walk home. 🤷🏻‍♀️

All normal plus a million more issues (well feels like a million!).

I alsways find that my toddler goes through these really challenging phases when he's either unwell, tired, underestimated or going through a developmental phase.

My advice is to ride the wave! It will pass and you can do it ♥️

It's a tough time for them at 18m. Communication wise she's developing thick and fast but at the minute her receptive communication outweighs her expressive so she knows what you want her to do and she knows what she wants to do but she can't tell you.

Added to that, she now knows she has will!! She knows she wants something and she knows you might want something different - and she doesn't like it.

It's all perfectly normal, healthy and bloody frustrating!!!

We've just moved to nappy pants instead and he's slightly happier to be changed. He also sits at a booster at the table now rather than a high chair and is happy with that.

For now, just accept that the tiny tyrant rules the roost and take any win you can!! 😂

Completely normal. Happening a bit earlier than the terrible twos, aren't you lucky she's so advanced. Bet you're not lucky enough that she grows out of them early too :p

Mine did points 1 and 2. Point 3 she wasn't bothered about the high chair (very food orientated child) but trying to get her into a car seat was like trying to bend a block of wood in half. Was a nightmare.

Mine was less interested in point 4, far more fun to do violence to the adult that's upsetting her than herself.

She's now a perfectly well adjusted 15 year old. (She speaks almost entirely in grunts, except for the 2 hours a week where she WILL NOT SHUT UP. Thats well adjusted for 15 I think?)

have an 18m old grandson who I look after a lot.
He's been raging against nappy changes since he could roll!

Can I recommend this to EVERYONE with a baby/toddler who hates nappy changes! thewriggler.com/

Basically a changing mat with restraint straps! It's brilliant. We roll it up and take it with us wherever we go, as it's a lot less stressful that trying to change a toddler in fight mode!

The rest is normal. They are developing so fast and discovering they have their own unreasonable little minds . I haven't had to carry out a screaming plank child quite yet but I know it's coming...

Vvv normal. Sadly the threes are worse than the twos for this...however things get really good at 6...age and stage. Enjoy the ride op and you not alone! Never forgotten seeing a friend in Tesco ..she was running after her son and I was running after my daughter and we passing each other laughing. .if you don't laugh you cry. Chocolate and wine and good friends to compare toddler behaviour and life be ok x