I just don’t want to be friends with her anymore

[Notforme123]

I feel a bit guilty but there’s someone in my life I don’t want to be friends with anymore and she’s not taking the hint. It’s so awkward.
I can’t be direct because she’s drawn to conflict and turns everything into a drama. I haven’t initiated contact in over a year, I send short replies and constantly make excuses not to see her but she’s keeps contacting me (at least once a month) trying to make arrangements to meet up.
We used to have a mutual friend in common (whom I met her through) but the friend ended their relationship with her a few years ago and it was so messy.
We’ve nothing in common and she has a temper. She does have good qualities but they don’t outweigh the bad ones. She has a terrible habit of cancelling on me at the last minute and has done so multiple times over the years. I counted last year, 12 times, and I thought I’ve had enough of this. I know she does this to other people and yet is very lonely.
I wouldn’t accept anyone else in my life doing that to me. But when I pull away she goes on and on about how bad her mental health is/how awful her life is etc and keeps badgering me to make more plans to meet up.
She’s messaged me today to suggest we meet up for Christmas. I wish she would just leave me alone. It’s not that I’m scared of confrontation, I just don’t want the drama. She puts personal stuff and details of arguments she’s had with others on social media and I don’t want that.
Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you get out of it?

Do you ever see her in a ‘passing’ setting? If not I’d be tempted to block and move on

I would just stop texting back

1.Just stop replying or block.

Or

1. "Actually I've got really fed up with you always cancelling at last minute. Good luck but goodbye"

Just stop replying. You don't owe her a response. She obviously doesn't value you or she wouldn't keep cancelling. Stop being her plan B.

I would be tempted not to reply. It's really hard to make a clean break from people like that but if you just fade out of her life, she will find someone else to latch onto. I used to have loads of friends like this because I felt sorry for them until I realised they bled me dry and I was actually allowed ot have friends I liked, not just ones who needed me and I was the only mug who tolerated them.

Just tell her. Then block.

Block her on absolutely everything and move on with your life. You don't owe her anything and there's nothing to feel guilty about.

I had this including the endless facebookery

i withdrew so much that she
made passive aggressive digs on Facebook and then hooray - I blocked her 😂

"I'm sorry. I just don't want to meet up. I wish you all the best. Goodbye."

Sympathy OP. I have a similar situation and one minute feel so resolved to cutting things off and not feeling guilty and then the guilt hits of doing it. Following for advice!

I don’t see her in a passing setting but we’re in the habit of sending each other’s children birthday and Christmas cards/presents. Would I just stop sending these to her child too? She can be a lot of fun but most of the time she wants to keep talking about unhappy events from our past which I’ve moved on from and she’s not. I’ve encouraged her to get a job and hobbies but she’s not interested in doing that.

Slow fade

Of course you'd stop sending presents to the child lol.

Do you want the easiest option for you? Or one where you air everything out and have drama?

If you want the easiest option just stop initiating contact and be vague/make excuses when she suggests something.

"Ugh I can't do then as I have family coming over, so annoying. We must catch up soon! I'll let you know"

Then be similarly vague/talk about how busy you are the next time she gets in touch. Eventually the friendship will fizzle out, often friendships do fizzle like this and it's entirely unintentional, so doubt she'll be mad.

I'd fade her out, tbh. Stop giving in to the feelings of guilt. She's not blameless in this. You have legitimate reasons for wanting to phase her out of your life.

There's no way to prevent her from misbehaving on social media, if she takes it into your head. You need to accept that it may happen and realise that it won't matter, if it does. Other people will know what she's like. It's not the first time she's had a tantrum, and it won't be the last. It reflects much more poorly on her than on you. Hold your head high and block her, if things get ugly.

I had a friend who I just did not want to carry on with because of how she behaved towards me - put the phone down and blocked her - quite a thing but it has worked - 20 odd years later - It can work

I want the easiest option but I’ve been trying to fade her out for over a year now and she’s not taking the hint. I went through a really tough year appx 10 years ago and she was supportive of me which I’ll never forget and really appreciated. But part of me thinks she was also enjoying the drama because she stopped cancelling on me all the time, then started doing it again when my life calmed down. Of course, if I said that to her she’d be outraged.

I'd drop her line saying financials are tight this year and you don't want either party to be embarrassed so you need to let her know you will not be buying gifts for non family members. So that covers the bases on gift giving.

Then just don't reply to her messages. Bit awkward but if you want to avoid telling her the whys and wherefores, it's the only way

I think repeating anyone's personal issues on social media is awful, but why do you say that mental health problems are an excuse to cancel are you so sure that it's not genuine health issues? I ask because I frequently have to reschedule appointments for this very reason, I really do have fluctuating anxiety disorder it can be crippling and exacerbated by anticipatory stress. It sounds rather convenient but it's really not it's just humiliating and frustrating. I worry people will think I have no respect for thier time, or that I'm just lazy and making self indulgent excuses. Bit it's all genuine. I'm not saying your acquaintance is like me but just floating a possible similarity.
Also is it really true to say you aren't afraid of conflict you just don't want drama? It's not good advice from people to ghost someone, how does it give them the chance to improve? You need to be honest but not cruel or too blunt (also be honest with yourself) just get the thesaurus, write a reply that will help resolve your questions and the conflict. You can point out to this person that they are a little intimidating and overly reactionary. People nowadays are afraid of negative statements or any conversations where they need to point out something that might cause a reaction - but it doesn't get resolved, people don't complain they turn it inwards- posters everywhere proudly proclaim a" zero tolerance policy against aggressive behaviour towards staff" which used to be sensible except now if you complain about poor administrative practices or rude reception staff you risk a black mark on your file or you're accused of being a 'Karen' (again used to be a woman with bad hair overly complaining on illogical and rascist or sexists etc issues but now just any woman over 25 who has the audacity to think they are worthy of speaking to management). We need to stop the insanity, it's OK to be angry and argue and be loud occasionally- as long as you're not violent, bullying or deliberately doing something manipulative.... its healthy to be negatively expressive within reason towards a positive end goal (resolution of issues or defending what's morally right against the I'm just doing my job bureaucrats.)

If she’s not getting the hint, just stop replying and don’t give it a second thought.

Block her

If you don't want to be straight up then just say you don't think you'll have time as you're so busy and hope she takes the hint.

Just because you were friends once doesn't mean you have to be friends forever. The relationship has run it's course. Block her or ignore her or tell her you are too busy each and every time.

Repeatedly cancelling on someone at the last minute shows you don’t respect their time. She often pretends one of her children is sick. Her children have told mine that they have to lie about being sick when they’re not because their mum doesn’t want to do something. Poor mental is no excuse for repeatedly doing that.
It’s really not because I’m afraid of confrontation. I had to make an official complaint about my boss earlier this year which was upheld. I’ll speak up when I think it’s a confrontation worth having as there should ultimately be a positive outcome. That’s not the case here I’m afraid. I don’t think she’s self aware and isn’t ever going to make the best choices for her and her children’s lives to improve.
One of her children got into an argument with a neighbour’s child two years ago, and she ended up waiting outside her neighbour’s work to physically threaten them because she wasn’t happy with how they’d been talking about her. I’d never do something like that and she’d reluctantly told me about it because she knows I’m not a violent person. I do take on board that I can’t control what she puts on social media though. I’m expecting the passive aggressive posts to start soon when I keep making excuses not to meet up.

You’ve tried fading so now block.