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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I just don’t want to be friends with her anymore

39 replies

Notforme123 · 11/11/2022 19:29

I feel a bit guilty but there’s someone in my life I don’t want to be friends with anymore and she’s not taking the hint. It’s so awkward.
I can’t be direct because she’s drawn to conflict and turns everything into a drama. I haven’t initiated contact in over a year, I send short replies and constantly make excuses not to see her but she’s keeps contacting me (at least once a month) trying to make arrangements to meet up.
We used to have a mutual friend in common (whom I met her through) but the friend ended their relationship with her a few years ago and it was so messy.
We’ve nothing in common and she has a temper. She does have good qualities but they don’t outweigh the bad ones. She has a terrible habit of cancelling on me at the last minute and has done so multiple times over the years. I counted last year, 12 times, and I thought I’ve had enough of this. I know she does this to other people and yet is very lonely.
I wouldn’t accept anyone else in my life doing that to me. But when I pull away she goes on and on about how bad her mental health is/how awful her life is etc and keeps badgering me to make more plans to meet up.
She’s messaged me today to suggest we meet up for Christmas. I wish she would just leave me alone. It’s not that I’m scared of confrontation, I just don’t want the drama. She puts personal stuff and details of arguments she’s had with others on social media and I don’t want that.
Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you get out of it?

OP posts:
chelle0 · 11/11/2022 21:38

Poor mental health isn't an excuse to be a dick. Just block her. Facebook posts say more about her than you, let her crack on.

IntrovertedPenguin · 11/11/2022 21:43

I had a similar friend who'd post passive aggressive things as well, I sloooow faded it.

Whenever she asked to meet up I'd say I was busy for next few weeks, and kept repeating it.
Took longer to reply to messages/texts, if I saw her out I'd say a polite hello and carry on my way. Right to the point where she stopped.

Life's to short for negative people.

MissEnolaHolmes · 11/11/2022 21:46

Just defriend her please do it for your sanity - I did

she sent me a flurry of aggressive texts such as wtf you have defriended me etc you bitch etc and then I defriended her and blocked her - it was lovely after about a week

think of how much emotional energy you are wasting on it

ChristmasisRuined · 12/11/2022 01:32

BasiliskStare · 11/11/2022 19:57

I had a friend who I just did not want to carry on with because of how she behaved towards me - put the phone down and blocked her - quite a thing but it has worked - 20 odd years later - It can work

How did you manage to block her 20+ years ago? Was that possible back then? I thought it was a smartphone thing

cushioncovers · 12/11/2022 08:37

Fade away. Don't respond to her messages. Don't send any Xmas cards etc. there's no magical way of doing it op you've just got to find the courage to ignore her and have your answers ready if she turns up on your doorstep.

Notforme123 · 12/11/2022 10:55

Yep, I’ve told her I’m too busy before Christmas to meet up and she’s asking to meet up after new year. I’m going to ignore the message. I’ve done that before too and she just sends another one a week later. I’ll ignore that one too. @Yellowcabs have you decided what you’re going to do? I’ve never ghosted someone before (I’ve had that done to me when I was younger and it was horrible) but I feel it’s my only choice with her. This isn’t an opportunity for her to improve. She’ll just get very defensive and very angry no matter how kindly I try to word it.

OP posts:
BasiliskStare · 12/11/2022 12:42

@ChristmasisRuined - You are right - it wasn't (block) - I suppose the more modern terminology came to mind. What realistically I meant was I didn't reply to phone calls and never called back. But yes you are right - I described it wrongly. Good spot 😊

HikingforScenery · 12/11/2022 12:45

Does she have some sort of social anxiety, resulting to her getting herself worked up before meet ups and cancelling?

Hippopotamouth · 12/11/2022 12:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

moistmingemist · 12/11/2022 13:17

Rather than ignore her just be honest and say you've decided you no longer want to meet or keep in touch as your own life is so busy and you no longer have anything in common. No hard feelings. Wish her all the best.

Thelnebriati · 12/11/2022 13:55

She's a manipulative psychic vampire. I wouldn't think twice about fading her out but could do without the drama that goes with telling her the friendship is over.
I once got rid of one by accidentally offending her. There was shouting and drama as she stormed out of my house, then there was about 2 years of her bad mouthing me to other people behind my back. Which was fine. 10/10 would do it again.

Brigante9 · 12/11/2022 14:07

Block her. Her mental health is not your problem. She isn’t the kind of pets you want to spend time with, flaky, cancels on you, is dramatic. Just block her.

tuvamoodyson · 12/11/2022 14:22

I’d just keep fobbing her off until she gets the message, as for gifts/cards, tell her with the cost of everything going up, you’re only giving to family this year. Say it in such a way that brokers no argument and you aren’t going to be persuaded otherwise.

PandaEyestired · 29/12/2024 14:04

They still don't get the hint after me ignoring them left and right 🙄

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