To what extent does writing style impact the advice you give here?

[IMissVino]

I think, for me, it has more impact than it should.

If an MN post is a wall of text or hard to follow (we’ll call him ‘X’ and call her ‘Q’), I tend to just give up. If multiple exclamation marks are used, I often flee. That sort of thing.

Conversely, some OPs come across as delightful funny people with whom I’d quite happily be friends. In those instances, I’m pretty much on their side from the outset.

This isn’t great on my part, as it’s unfair to the posters. Some people have difficulty expressing themselves in writing and penalising them for that is crappy of me.

I’m trying not to do it anymore, but was just wondering if anyone else was guilty of this?

I don't think I do this at all tbh. I mean... I very much notice writing style and to be totally honest I probably internally make some vague assumptions about the person posting - the way people write expresses certain likely things about what kind of person they are and maybe where they come from. I think it's almost impossible not to do that to a certain extent. It wouldn't affect what advice I give them though.

No.
But a lot of judgemental idiots think like you, so you're not alone.

Coming in all guns blazing, I see. 😂

Upon reflection, I suppose it would affect the likelihood of my giving advice more than it would the actual advice. If I’m not reading the OP (for the reasons stated), then I’m not going to contribute.

Yes OP I am guilty of this, and acknowledge that makes me a judgemental idiot.

I'm not going to pretend I'm something I'm not though, even on an anonymous forum. Why bother? Does anyone really believe all these apparent angels exist?

Like all the posters who have never so much as gone 1mph over the speed limit EVER, and trip over themselves to chastise anyone confessing to speeding on here. I just don't believe them.

I wouldn't want advice from someone as judgemental as you. I've assumed from your post that you are a bit of a snob.

True. I try to acknowledge my faults and do my best to work on them. Some posters on here are apparently entirely flawless, though. Absolutely perfect at all times. If only we could all be that great. 😂

Case in point. 😂

I might use excessive!!!!!!!!!! from now on, so you don't give me advice.

It's especially weird given that it's anonymous. Obviously in real life I present various versions of myself, depending on the situation. Surely the benefit of MN is that you don't have to kid yourself?

Maybe I'm far too cynical and all these paragons of virtue really do exist.

I find spelling mistakes and/or over the top punctuation (multiple !!!!! for example) quite endearing, but they seem to annoy some people.
I do find the “rolls eyes” emoji very irritating though!

If the OP goes over the top with the soapy drama (e.g. “my heart is breaking for my innocent little children”), my reply will be more bracing.

I’m not fussed about punctuation - other than multiple exclamation marks, for some reason - or spelling mistakes. I agree that they clearly enrage some people, though.

It’s walls of unbroken text and attributing letters or numbers to people that have stymied me, in the past. But, like I said, I recognise this as my issue, not the OP’s.

I've realised that I'm a stickler for paragraphs. If it's one unbroken page of text, I can't bring myself to read it.

Also the use of gonna. I know, both are irrational.

I honestly think that’s entirely fair and not at all in the category I’m describing. Sometimes a bracing response is rather needed.

I think it's human nature to form judgements, whether it's in real life (e.g. what someone wears, how they speak, how they parent, how much they drink, their moral values or lack of) or online (writing style, what someone writes) etc.

OP, I do it too. I don't mind long paragraphs, exclamation marks or misspelling... but there is a certain writing style (belonging to a personality type that I don't usually gel with in real life) that I can't help but judge a poster by, whether it's fair or not.

Never give advice unless qualified to do so.

I tend not to read long posts with no paragraphs, despite the fact I can write long posts myself, though I do put in paragraphs.

I'm also likely to avoid long threads if I've not been on them from the start, because I might not have the time to read all the posts, and chances are that someone else will have already made the wise and incisive point that I would, and threads that just repeat the same thing, or have ready moved on with updates can be annoying.

I do tend to avoid excessive exclamation use. Not bothered if it makes me a snob. There are plenty of other threads I miss just because of doing other things and not committing 24h of every day here.

I don't think I'd change the advice I'd give, just whether I give it at all or not. Also, I might decide discretion is the better path, even if I'm thinking, "of course you're being fucking unreasonable - why would you even question it? Just read what you wrote!"

You're all figments of my imagination anyway, so it doesn't really matter in the end.

What I find more worrying is where people respond to something they’ve got absolutely zero experience of or interest in.

I remember a few weeks ago a woman posted about a problem at work and half the replies were “can’t believe anyone is this invested in work”, “sounds like a miserable existence” etc. No advice, straight to judgmental nonsense. I don’t even know why they clicked the thread.

Although I’ve noticed this is usually aimed at successful women/threads about a problem that demonstrates the OP has no money worries, so could just be envy.

My favourite is a recent holidays thread (on the holidays board FFS) getting hijacked by posters accusing everyone of being “tone deaf”.

Depends what mood I'm in. I tend to just click away if it's a post I don't want to read. It's a forum not a literature site.

You think you’re “penalising” people by not giving them advice? How valuable do you consider your advice to be?
Nobody cares whether you respond to their posts or not. I wouldn’t worry about it.

There are some that are written too comically, and I always just assume they’re fake threads so don’t engage

You're all figments of my imagination anyway, so it doesn't really matter in the end.

Love this. Very true.

There can be a quite ugly undercurrent of resentment towards women who are professionally successful or seem a bit ‘too big for their boots’. It’s not on every thread, but sometimes I’ve been quite shocked at the vitriol people dish out. Threads about money can get very unpleasant, extremely quickly.

There are also people who just want a row. At any point, on any thread.

There are different things here. Wall of text with no paragraphs is just very tiring to read, so I don't bother. That isn't a judgement on the poster, it's just me not fancying a headache. Spelling, typos, multiple exclamation marks don't matter to me. There is some slight correlation between multiple exclamation marks and the clutching of pearls, but that's all - I tend to go by content. And if I have zero experience of expertise, I'll either not respond at all or offer some sympathy because some people on here are just really going through it.