To what extent does writing style impact the advice you give here?

[IMissVino]

I think, for me, it has more impact than it should.

If an MN post is a wall of text or hard to follow (we’ll call him ‘X’ and call her ‘Q’), I tend to just give up. If multiple exclamation marks are used, I often flee. That sort of thing.

Conversely, some OPs come across as delightful funny people with whom I’d quite happily be friends. In those instances, I’m pretty much on their side from the outset.

This isn’t great on my part, as it’s unfair to the posters. Some people have difficulty expressing themselves in writing and penalising them for that is crappy of me.

I’m trying not to do it anymore, but was just wondering if anyone else was guilty of this?

More proof if it was ever needed that AIBU is inhabited by dozens of people who come in here to judge people, then criticise them and poke them until they break and

• apologise for their spelling
• say sorry for not including every salient fact in their OP
• Concede that they are too emotional with their punctuation or their paragraph

I mean what on Earth…

The number of times I have seen clearly vulnerable posters on here saying “My husband tried to strangle me we were screaming at each other and he went for me i don’t know what’s next for me my children love him I have no money of my own what do I do” followed by posts of

“You could try using a full stop or a comma”
”you didn’t say that in your OP”
”how can an adult woman in 2022 have absolutely no savings”

etc

all designed to make the OP feel worse, stupid, wrong. No advice on leaving him, on her safety. Just anything to push and bait the OP into admitting she’s not educated enough to post “correctly” in the first instance.

@IMissVino I resent posts and outlooks like yours. This endless judgement.

Long posts without paragraphs are off-putting so I don’t tend to bother. I also avoid those threads with high drama because it completely derails the original post. If I relate to the post, a few spelling mistakes or emojis don’t bother me.

It doesn’t so much affect my advice as whether I bother to post at all. So if it’s a wall of unbroken text or I can’t tell what’s going on I tend not to read it or reply.

I feel like there's a kind of house style on here which is ridiculous but also contagious. If people don't follow it - for example men come in and say 'man here' then I have no interest.

No paragraphs - forget it.

I will tailor my advice to the sense I get of the OP's characteristics, including emotional vulnerability but also their apparent literacy levels/implied education level/ability to write in English.

So one poster might get a jokey reply, with discursions and (attempts at) witty metaphors, and another might get the more straightforward, as clear as I can possibly make it, version: the version I'd want if I were asking for advice on a French forum.

This has nothing to do with anything I’ve said.

Yes, it’s quite shocking really. I often wonder about the demographic of MN. On the one hand, I keep reading references to how MN is very UMC and everyone has horses and a nanny, but on the other hand the slightest hint that an OP is doing well financially, and all hell breaks loose. There’s no sense to it.

Absolutely.

What really minds me up is ,commas in , the ,wrong place

Just argh

OP, I'm not proud of it but I tend to think like you. No paragraphs, poor spelling, lack of punctuation - they all annoy me so I'm more likely to ignore the post. I'm not such a dick as to point out errors on a thread, though. I just judge silently.

Upon reflection, I suppose it would affect the likelihood of my giving advice more than it would the actual advice. If I’m not reading the OP (for the reasons stated), then I’m not going to contribute.

I don't avoid reading or commenting on threads based on grammar, writing style etc. I am a language teacher, so although I'm very much in the habit of noticing written style and mistakes, I don't judge people for them in the same way some do.

In my long experience, many of the judgments often made about why people have poor written English are just downright wrong, completely unfair and weirdly moral. There seems to also be this strange and erroneous belief that it would be relatively easy for an adult with poor SPaG to remedy that by just 'not bring lazy' . This shows a total lack of understanding of what causes poor SPaG in the first place, how embedded it is in the person's speech and writing patterns and how hard it is to correct everything even if you know what you don't know!

I also think that the vast majority of posters who claim to be unable to read OPs with poor SPaG or no paragraphs are lying through their teeth and saying it simply to demonstrate their own supposed superiority.

I'm not such a dick as to point out errors on a thread, though.

<medal>

I just judge silently.

What do you think causes poor grammar, spelling and punctuation?

I’ve also thought this. I think that there’s been a marked shift in MN demographics over the last decade. So, while it used to be all Boden and ‘naice’ ham, it’s not anymore. That’s a great thing, as it’s far more diverse (as a Black MNer, I was recently delighted to discover we’ve even got our own dedicated bit, now). The perception persists, though. And there are rather a lot of clashes - more than I remember in previous years.

Yes, I'm the same. I don't agree with PP that this makes us 'judgemental idiots' though. I think that we all make judgements about people in every aspect of life, because we are human. It's how we choose to act on that judgement that would make us worthy of the 'idiot' title or not.

There are hundreds of posts on Mumsnet. You can't read them all. Of course you will be attracted to those that feel easier to read.

My response to a pp:

I’m not fussed about punctuation - other than multiple exclamation marks, for some reason - or spelling mistakes. I agree that they clearly enrage some people, though.

It’s walls of unbroken text and attributing letters or numbers to people that have stymied me, in the past. But, like I said, I recognise this as my issue, not the OP’s.

That’s a very fair point.

I like that SPAG pedants are booed off stage (unless the OP is being a dick, in which case insulting their SPAG is fair game.

Possibly because those MNetters have married into money, so have never really earned it for themselves.

They might have money but no true independence.

I aspire to post pithy one- or two-line replies that get to the heart of the question (or answer).

I think writing effectively on an internet forum is a skill, distinct from email and text and certainly the hand-written word.

Some poster have distinctive, authentic writing styles. I’m drawn to them. Some posters empty their brains and hearts onto their screens - I can’t manage those threads.

How and why we use MN also matters. I dip in and out. Sometimes for a gossip, sometimes for vicarious bitchiness, sometimes for an insight into a different world, sometimes (less and less so sadly) for a laugh. I never spend long on here, a few minutes at a time.

The use of 'x' at the end of sentences makes me unlikely to read a post or take its contents seriously. It's rare I see it on here thankfully.

Also walls of text. There will be more.

Long post! If I click and have to scroll, im off.

Do you mean that you think posters' poor grammar, spelling and punctuation is caused by not having had these errors pointed out to them?

We can't contribute to every thread so anything that sorts out which ones we might respond to is a good thing. It will be different for different people. But a wall of text is a big challenge. And posts beginning Me and DP. Would of too. Judgemental? Yep, it's what we evolved to do.

I’ve seen a couple of posts where the OP wrote an extremely long wall of text with no punctuation or paragraphs, and it did make me feel they might be a bit mentally fragile, and that it’s best I not get involved by attempting advice.

If someone says things like ‘peaks my interest’ ‘would of thort’ then I tend to assume a low education/income level and advise accordingly eg maybe don’t recommend law as a career change.

I am very sympathetic to typos as I’m guilty of a lot. 😬

I don’t post all that much advice anyway, pp will be glad to hear, mainly because I assume a lot of the stories are made up.

MN is like an online Take a Break magazine - a drama-filled guilty pleasure that takes a lot of liberties with the truth.

I’m far more judgemental about maudlin sentimentality than I am about SPAG. One of the many reasons I’ve hidden the Christmas board.

I am also very judgemental about SPAG though, as I am absolutely the black-hearted cunt the MN angels imagine me to be.