To think the terms ‘narcissistic personality disorder’’ and ‘gaslighting’ are being massively misused and overused?

[Fencingfan]

So I definitely, absolutely believe these two things exist, but I think they are being so overused that their true meaning is being diluted. More worryingly I’ve noticed them being misused by people who are clearly trying to manipulate others when they are trying to justify things to themselves/others about a relationship dynamic, shut down any meaningful relationship discussions or work and just generally just absolve themselves of any responsibility in a relationship issue. What do people think?

There was a thread on exactly this just yesterday wasn’t there?

I think there's an obsession to give every type of behaviour a label, when in reality the poor behaviour being demonstrated is due to the person being a selfih git. (Or similar).

Some people are just wankers.

Theres no need to label everyone.

YANBU - it diminishes the seriousness of NPD and gaslighting by labelling anyone who is being a bit of dick with these conditions/behaviours.

‘There was a thread on exactly this just yesterday wasn’t there?’

was there?? Was it in Aibu? Would love to read it

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4673841-for-thinking-term-gaslighting-gets-used-far-too-much?page=1

@Fencingfan

It does because most of us are only just learning what these terms mean. I never knew about red flags, npd, coercive control or the effects of emotional and psychological abuse growing up. It will get overused for a while then settle down. I'm happy that my children will grow up in a world where these behaviours are recognised and no longer tolerated (and secretly pleased that ex dp is getting called out for it by every one of his new girlfriends 😁).

I don't know.

Maybe narcissists and gasslighters are more common that we thought?

Giving a name to specific bad behaviour, seeing it clearly for what it is and calling people out on it doesn't diminish anything.

YANBU.

These days every obnoxious boss or slightly unpleasant colleague is a 'narc'. And anyone who disagrees with you is 'gaslighting'.5 years ago, hardly anyone used either expression.

I think all kinds of terms are being thrown around very flippantly. I assume these terms refer to precise psychological conditions? But if you're not a qualified psychiatrist, should you be using them? It would be like me trying to diagnose people with diabetes, cancer, thryroid problems etc with no medical knowledge whatsoever.

Once upon a time, some people were just horrible/unpleasant/nasty/mean. Now they get labelled - probably quite inaccurately most of the time.

More like constellations of behaviours. Childhood ego injuries, neglect & traumas etc lead to coping mechanisms that are disfunctional in adulthood. I don't think many people are just horrible tbh.
Look at the Power Threat Meaning framework and the work of Lucy Johnstone if you want to read about non-pathologising formulations. Drop the Disorder is a great organisation too.
Name calling tends to be counterproductive, making people harder to work with.

Said it yesterday in the other thread and will say it here - we are ALL narcissists to some degree. So yeah it bugs me when people throw that word around Willy Nilly.

Very often the person calling everyone else a narcissistic needs to look at themselves.

Yes to the first one.

Absolutely not for the second one.

Narcissism can be a symptom of underlying vulnerabilities so I do think there are a lot more people who display narcissistic traits than we realise, even if they are not a full blown narcissist.

I’ve seen gaslighting completely misused though when the person isn’t gaslighting whatsoever from the description.

I agree. I think it's similar to the way some people use the names of psychological conditions when they simply mean that they have certain traits or moods: e.g. "I'm really OCD about that type of thing," actually meaning "I'm an organised person," or "chocolate cheers me up when I'm depressed," meaning "...when I've had a bad day" etc.

Gaslighting does seem to be the new one. "I think X." "I don't agree." "Don't gaslight me."

I disagree with PP though that we are all narcissists to some degree. My understanding of narcissism is that it means having a chronic overinflated interest in your own self/needs to the detriment of others. Putting yourself first sometimes, as we all should do, doesn't really count.

I think yes, and no. The more I learn about narcissistic behaviour patterns, the more common I realise that they are. I don't think the term is over-used, and in fact it's pretty helpful in understanding why some people behave the way they do, and how to cope with their behaviour. I absolutely believe that narcissists are very commonly encountered, and most of us will have at least one amongst our acquaintances.

On the other hand, I think that the term "gaslighting" is widely misused - quite often as a general synonym for "disagreeing". Somebody who disagrees with you is not gaslighting you. Unless they are systematically rewriting history, twisting facts and convincing you that you are the one in the wrong, until you start to think that you are going mad.

Many narcissistic traits are really important for the efficient running of society
theconversation.com/narcissists-why-we-need-to-take-better-care-of-them-126528
It has become a common term of abuse on MN, often without any real idea what the term means. In my youth, we talked about people we didn't like being 'ego wankers'. MN posters now misuse the term 'narcissist' to describe anyone who disagrees with them ( and almost certainly the person that they have designated as a 'Narc' is calling them the same thing behind their back.
It is old fashioned name calling and sounds really silly. Trying to justify name calling using cod psychology

'Narcissistic' is certainly over used; it is a specific condition and very few people display all the characteristics.

I've not come across the use of the word 'gaslighting' in real life, only online.

I guess it is similar to how other teens like OCD etc are overused
The thing that is more worrying though is the way I’ve seen some people throwing the term ‘gaslighting’ at someone who simply may be having a different perspective to them or not agreeing with them
I agree with a PP that it there is potential for it to be used to manipulate others.

Terms not teens!

They are overused because many people haven’t taken the trouble to know the exact definitions. But there are exact definitions, and to those victims who genuinely recognise the pattern of behaviour it’s like a light being switched on.

This.

I've also never encountered the term 'gaslighting' in real life. I have come across people referring to every other person as a 'narc' however.