To think the terms ‘narcissistic personality disorder’’ and ‘gaslighting’ are being massively misused and overused?

[Fencingfan]

So I definitely, absolutely believe these two things exist, but I think they are being so overused that their true meaning is being diluted. More worryingly I’ve noticed them being misused by people who are clearly trying to manipulate others when they are trying to justify things to themselves/others about a relationship dynamic, shut down any meaningful relationship discussions or work and just generally just absolve themselves of any responsibility in a relationship issue. What do people think?

I think it's reasonable to describe narcissistic behaviour as narcissistic as long as there is the understanding that NPD is extreme and quite rare, unhealthy levels of narcissism are not uncommon.

I’d recommend Dr Ramanis YouTube channel. She’s a psychologist/author who’s written on the subject. https://youtube.com/c/DoctorRamani

Basically narcissism is very common but very few people are diagnosed with NPD as people are not diagnosed based on how they make others feel. People with NPD do not seek treatment because they think everyone else is the problem. Are you a narcissist by any chance OP? Have you treated others badly and been called this?

Unless you have had your life destroyed by someone like this, you will never know

Yep, same with ASD. 1% of the world's population is thought to have NPD, that's one in a every hundred people.

Narcissism is a funny one because although it can refer to NPD, it also is a term used on its own to describe a certain kind of selfish behaviour. I do find people now seem to confuse the two uses at times.

Gaslighting is overused. I hear it pretty regularly used in a way which suggests to me the person doesn't really understand quite what it's supposed to mean.

Another term I see being over used (mostly on another forum) is "co-dependent".

This. I feel like people always want to label behaviours when all that is needed to know is that they are arses and that's it.

Plus I don't think many people understand what gaslighting is and no one can really diagnose a narcissist from a simple post, but it happens a lot here.

I think it's reasonable to describe narcissistic behaviour as narcissistic as long as there is the understanding that NPD is extreme and quite rare, unhealthy levels of narcissism are not uncommon.

I think this too. NPD is a pretty extreme condition - I’ve only come across it once, in quite a young person actually who basically couldn’t function normally throughout his school life. Not sure what he’s up to now, but even getting close to forming any kind of friendship, never mind romantic relationship seems very much out of the question. It’s a condition that inspires much hatred rather than sympathy, understandably so, but it really is a horrific mental disorder. It’s no way to live a life.
But many people can have narcissistic traits, without having NPD for sure. I think that it’s kind of surprising though that in this day and age a psychiatric disorder can be used as an insult in such a way (people hatefully calling people ‘narcs’ on here) it’s actually kind of inappropriate…

I don’t know. I was in an abusive relationship a while ago and used to hear my ex call me a bitch/tell me to fuck off/call me a cunt and when I asked why he said that he categorically would deny it and say I was borderline - he went as far as trying to initiate sex during sleep and when I got upset about it told me I was hysterical and must’ve been lying about sexual assault when I was younger 😒

So it’s kind of useful for me to know what gaslighting was/is. I see men doing it fairly often if I’m honest.

I hate hate hate the term “my feelings are valid” - maybe so, but it doesn’t give you the right to dictate a narrative!

I second what BeanieTeen says about NOD.

Re gaslighting, it is very common. Advertisers use it, politicians use it. It's common (still not ok though IMO) BUT it's not a serious threat to anybody because we all know the truth really. And we can talk about it and call them out. There's an existing public discourse about it to the point nobody really expects politicians to be honest!

It's also completely different to have a person gaslight you once or twice than to have your world narrowed down by a gaslighting abuser who basically undermines everything you think, feel and experience - perpetually,. Someone who isolated you, so your only source of info/confirmation is from them. To get to a point where you're so brainwashed - because that's what gaslighting does in part - that you can no longer trust anything you think, feel or perceive. That is totally different. Even having a chronic gaslighter as a friend and she gaslights you all the time, the fact you're not in an intimate relationship with her dilutes the impact somewhat. Being gaslit by people less close can be annoying and even upsetting, it can hurt, but it's not damaging in the same way as an intimate partner relationship.

And just like everything else related to mental health, it's picked up by social media users who confusingly to me, love to have any label at all that can make them appear to be a victim. Some definitely have experience(d) whatever label they're throwing around/professing to be an expert on. But the majority are just desperate to be part of an algorithm.

I'd compare it to people who have had a bit of a bad day at work, got rained on on the way home then saying "I'm so depressed". You had a bad day, I've got sympathy for that, but it' not the same thing as depression.

*NPD!

I hate hate hate the term “my feelings are valid” - maybe so, but it doesn’t give you the right to dictate a narrative!

Totally agree. It's a way to silence people and shut down any discussion.

I hate hate hate the term “my feelings are valid” - maybe so, but it doesn’t give you the right to dictate a narrative!

Ugh same. I find it is so often deployed to mean “My feelings define reality” and “My feelings excuse me from my responsibilities towards others”.

It's definitely more common than you think!

In the old days they'd be selfish arseholes but today narcissism seems to be a good fit. I've come across many narcissists.

Gaslighting is also more prevalent than you think, sadly this is how life is.

I had never heard the term 'gaslighting' until I was in therapy. On a previous week i had mention my ex and his behaviour and she said he sounded very narcissistic but in this particular session I was talking about what had been happening that week and she said 'you do realise hes gaslighting you?' I googled it when I got home and was floored!

Psychologically speaking, narcissism is a personality trait that every person possesses to some degree. Like any characteristic, it exists on a spectrum. We all fall somewhere along the narcissism continuum. In fact, a certain amount of self-centeredness is healthy.
I believe this. And because I believe this I find Dr. Rominy near impossible to follow.

Much easier to apply a label than to admit you picked an arsehole 🤷‍♀️

So yeah, WAY over used. Google is great and all but not always.

Once upon a time, some people were just horrible/unpleasant/nasty/mean. Now they get labelled - probably quite inaccurately most of the time.

I agree. Everything has to have a label these days, it's ridiculous.

I think it's a very helpful term to pinpoint particular behaviour. I do sometimes see it inaccurately used, though. Mostly not. That's ok; it's a relatively new term.

I'd hate to see it vilified by people, however eg by those people who talk about 'cancel culture ' the whole time.

It took me about twenty years, countless attempts to get along, and several psychology books before finally applying the narcissist label to my dad (and going no-contact) in 2015. No he has no diagnosis because people with NPD would never ever seek professional help. I pleaded to go to counseling together which was of course refused.

Having a name for his behavior has totally helped me to finally draw the line and while I think it is now a bit overused I also think it's great that people have some concepts these days to evaluate unhealthy relationship dynamics rather than 'he's just a bit of a douchebag'.

Because that is the type of advice I got as a teenager: 'you have to be the adult in the relationship.' Not helpful at all.

Crackof

No problem with these terms when used by professionally-qualified psychiatrists. I just get irritated when they are used by all and sundry to label people. As I said in my post, you wouldn't go around saying 'He's got cancer" just off the top of your head! I think these things should be properly diagnosed, not used as insults.

Yes massively misused. It’s like when people say ‘I’m a bit OCD’’. My ex worked in psychiatry and personality disorders like narcissism are not as common - someone might have one or two traits but that doesn’t mean they have a full blown personality disorder. They may just be ‘bad not mad’ etc. I do feel for those who have experienced bad things of course but throwing these terms around and suggesting it’s a medical/psychiatric cause doesn’t really add much.

Massively overused at the drop of a hat. with someone that doesn't agree with oneself.. The true condition. is night and day. And as many women can become cunts as men who can be dicks.

Hard agree

I mean probably, some people will always bid to psychologise their actions away at whatever cost. I'd just say, go by what somebody does, rather than what they say.

There are people who can convince others that up is down, just go by actions.