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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unplanned surprise pregnancy

37 replies

tildapazz · 10/11/2022 21:41

Evening all!
This is long and complicated so bare with .. I split with my husband start off the year and started seeing a new man come spring things had been going well with us fast forward to now I find myself pregnant (5 weeks) I already have 3 children (11,10,7)
My sister has had 4 early miscarriages so I was honestly dreading telling her as I know the hurt it will cause iv told her and she's not speaking to me I never planned this and would never of intentionally hurt her.
My mum is trying to stay in the middle but I can tell she is swaying towards me having an abortion as my sister is so upset. My partner would like me to keep but we are long distance so he wouldn't see baby as much as he would like.
To make things more complicated my ex husband is still very present in my life as we ended on good terms so he is around a lot for the kids.
I want to keep this baby as I feel this is my last chance to ever have another and it's my baby 😓 .. but I feel I can't as the upset it will bring my sister also the thought of being a single mum to 4 is nerv wracking but I'm sure I would be fine! Millions are!

Sorry for the long post but does anyone have any advice xx

OP posts:
Katelyn88 · 10/11/2022 21:44

Wtf!? Your sister needs to learn to deal with her problems.

you decide based on what’s best for YOU.

will you give away your kids because your sister is upset!?

Ragingoverlife · 10/11/2022 21:44

If you then abort the baby what would your sister then think?

She will come round. It's a huge shock. I had a type of miscarriage earlier on in the year and then everyone with twins I hated. But I'm getting through it now.

If you want this baby you keep it xx

Tandora · 10/11/2022 21:45

Oh my goodness , if you want to keep the baby , please do not have an abortion to avoid upsetting your sister!! That is madness. It won’t take away her pain or help her to have children. Put that totally out of your mind. The only thing that matters is whether you want this baby or not. If you do, then you must keep it ☺️❤️

Bestcatmum · 10/11/2022 21:45

How will you afford 4 children on your own?

x2boys · 10/11/2022 21:50

This is a hard decision but if you want to keep the baby its up to you?

Original poster
tildapazz · 10/11/2022 21:51

I have my own successful business @Bestcatmum x

OP posts:
HerMajestysRoyalCoven · 10/11/2022 21:53

I find it a bit odd that you’ve not mentioned your existing kids. They’ve had a lot of upheaval (even if the split was amicable) i’m not even a year, and now a new stepsibling? They’re also quite a bit older than the baby will be, with the two eldest being on the verge of the teenage journey (where often kids need you most). I realise that this will come across as harsh but you wanting another baby doesn’t mean it’s a good thing for them. They deserve to be put first imho.

NadjaCravensworth · 10/11/2022 21:54

If you want to keep the baby, keep it.

If you want to be a single parent to 4, crack on.

Take out everything else, your sister, your ex, look at what is going on around you. Do your existing dc want a sibling, how will they cope

You sound like you want to keep it

90yomakeuproom · 10/11/2022 21:54

It's your decision, nobody else's.
But seems a bit backwards aborting a child just because your sister has had miscarriages....

90yomakeuproom · 10/11/2022 21:56

Also wouldn't really say you're a single parent if your ex is always around

x2boys · 10/11/2022 21:56

Would you be prepared to carry on with the pregnancy even if the father isnt that intetested?
Im not slating you its entirely your decision but whatever you deceide you need to be prepared for the consequences

Littlebluedinosaur · 10/11/2022 21:57

Your sister shouldn’t be a factor in your decision.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/11/2022 21:58

What's best for your existing children? That's the only question that matters. Your kids have already been through so much this past year.

x2boys · 10/11/2022 22:06

And your sister,s misscarriages shouldnt be a factor in this if you want the baby and are prepared to eiher be a single parent or not its entrirely your decision

PhoebeTheBride · 10/11/2022 22:08
Hmm
AnneLovesGilbert · 10/11/2022 22:09

Why in gods name did you tell her when you’ve only just found out?!

Renter77 · 10/11/2022 22:12

If you want the baby, keep the baby. Don’t have an abortion to make your sister feel better!

FancyANewID · 10/11/2022 22:14

My sister has had 4 early miscarriages so I was honestly dreading telling her as I know the hurt it will cause iv told her and she's not speaking to me

Well your dread didn't make you hang around did it op...you're only 5 weeks pregnant so you must have told her pretty much instantly.

Why?

Original poster
tildapazz · 10/11/2022 22:15

I wouldn't of told her my mum advised me to tell her the sooner the better x

OP posts:
Ragwort · 10/11/2022 22:17

Why did you even need to tell your mum? You are an adult, you have been through three pregnancies.... you didn't need to tell anyone except the father.

Tabitha888 · 10/11/2022 22:18

Girl firstly congratulations

You do what's right for you it's your body and your baby. It comes across that you want to keep the baby, rocking a successful business and raising 4 superheroes. Ignore the jealous haters 💋

waldorjs · 10/11/2022 22:19

Tabitha888 · 10/11/2022 22:18

Girl firstly congratulations

You do what's right for you it's your body and your baby. It comes across that you want to keep the baby, rocking a successful business and raising 4 superheroes. Ignore the jealous haters 💋

😂

musicforthesoul · 10/11/2022 22:21

Your sister is irrelevant to this, her feelings shouldn't have any impact on what you do.

Completely up to you if you'd rather continue the pregnancy or abort, just make sure you're being realistic over the likely contribution of the father if you're currently long distance when you decide what you want.

waldorjs · 10/11/2022 22:21

Tabitha888 · 10/11/2022 22:18

Girl firstly congratulations

You do what's right for you it's your body and your baby. It comes across that you want to keep the baby, rocking a successful business and raising 4 superheroes. Ignore the jealous haters 💋

I can't get over the raising 4 superheros part 😂🤣😂

Anonnewbie · 10/11/2022 22:21

Wow your sister sounds immature and selfish. Unless I am misunderstanding and you are just being overprotective of her feelings.
I've been trying for a baby for over a year, my best friend decided to try and got pregnant first cycle. The news made me cry for myself, but I was genuinely happy for her and I certainly did not let on any feelings of jealousy as I don't want to bring her down. And honestly it was only getting the news that upset me - but it really was only feelings I already had coming to the forefront. Since then, no issue. Someone else's happiness is not my loss.