Not want to drive for my niece’s Christening?

[SnowBall86]

it’s my niece’s Christening on 20th Nov. She is the same age as my DD which is 5 months. Thing is - my DD hates the car seat, she can tolerate a short ride (30 min) whilst asleep or if I’m constantly shaking rattles in her face but DH’s family is 3.5/4h away (if there’s no traffic) DD screams in the car, chokes, vomits, chokes on vomit (she has reflux) and then screams some more until she ‘s shaking and sobbing plus we have to stop when she chokes obvs. 20th is also my Birthday. AIBU for not wanting to drive with my DD but instead asking my DH to go? He says he’s not leaving me on my Birthday but I really can’t think of anything worse than sitting in the car for 4 hours whilst DD hysterically cries on my Birthday.

Just don’t go.

What your DH does is up to him. He can be the one to tell his family either way.

I don't see why any of you have to go. It's a big ask just for a christening.

@LikeTearsInRain DH’s mantra “it will be ok”. Which is clearly not the case here. I mean we will get there of course and it might take us the whole day but we will, I suppose just stopping every 30 min. I just feel terrible pushing it because I know how much he wanted to see his family and introduce his new daughter…

Some people actually like their families and want to share important occasions with them. And yes christenings are important for a lot of people.

But also OP YANBU. My DD hated the car as a baby and a journey of that length would have been utterly intolerable. I take it the train isn't a practical alternative?

If he thinks it's ok then let him take dd and you have a quiet nice day

@Aquamarine1029 initially I thought so too. But then, it’s my DH’s niece so it’s only natural that he wants to be there when there’s family celebration… I guess I will have plenty more birthdays but that’s not the case really, for me it’s a torture of our little munchkin. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m being too precious here though…

@midgetastic that would be brilliant haha but my heart would bleed…

That would be too long and possibly dangerous
Is she still like it if you go in the back with her?

Like a pp suggested I would check train options or he goes alone

YANBU I wouldn’t in those circumstances. Send your DH with a generous gift. Your job is to do what’s best for your child and that isn’t it.

@PutYourShoesOnWereLate love your name haha
no, train is really not practical, there are no direct ones and it’s super expensive now.

I suspect that if offered he will change his mind

You're not being too precious at all. I'm fairly flexible but I wouldn't do an 8-hr round trip with a 5mth old who would be that distressed (my DD was the same but at 15mths old we drove 9hrs to Paris with no issues just to give you hope that it does get better). Celebrate your Birthday the day before and send DH to the Christening.

My kids' christenings were very important to me and I wanted family to celebrate with us. But equally I wouldn't have wanted anyone to feel anxious about coming. I think you would be perfectly reasonable to give it a miss.

Could you go at up the night before?
if we’ve got long journeys we’ve done them at bedtime with the kids in their PJs

I totally understand how horrible it is, my Dd did the same on and off. Once we stopped every 20 minutes to calm her down before heading off again.

She did grow out of it though!!

I’m fairly confident he will take it as a challenge!

So, DH says he's not leaving you on your birthday ?

No need to make your DC suffer.

No problem, enjoy your day - all of you in & around your own home

Look you are a grown up and can celebrate your birthday the next day.
DH should go on his own - it’s his niece and I wouldn’t blame his sibling for being upset if he didn’t go.
No need for you or DD to go though in these circumstances.

@MaryShelley1818 thanks! My older son was like that too. We once told my BIL that we can’t come see them because of that to which my BIL replied “just turn up the volume you hear him scream, he will sleep eventually”. So I feel like DH is a bit defensive now.
9h to Paris is very brave! I hope my DD grows out of it sooner rather than later.

@Georgyporky in theory-yes. Why do I feel guilty though?

This sounds way too stressful OP, stay at home with your family and enjoy your BD. If you explain the situation I am sure they will understand.

@Hunkyd0ry im sure that’s going to be us stopping every 20 min! One loooong journey. It’s tough isn’t it? I get it, it’s not for long, just wish there was an easy solution though.

Honestly, I'd just take her. Stay overnight so you're not doing the drive twice in a day, time it for a nap so she's more likely to sleep once she gets tired of screaming, and just push through it.

Family is important. You'd want them there for you, presumably, so you should make the effort to be there for them.

God no don't do it. My friends daughter was horrendous in a car. I had the misfortune to be involved in a 4 hour drive with her in the car when she was a baby & it was an absolute nightmare.

It was completely stressful for us all.

The only reason we did it was my friend was moving house so it had to be done

We still talk about it 15 years later.

You'd expect a parent of a 5 month old who has relfux and repeatedly vomits in the car to drive 3-4 hours to a christening?

I would tell your husband you're happy to celebrate your birthday on another day so if he wants to travel alone he can but it's up to him whether he goes or not.

I wouldn't travel in these circumstances. It's likely she'll have grown out of it in 7 months time and you can travel much easier. It'll be a nightmare for you and really distressing for your baby.