Co sleeping

[Str3bor]

My BF wants me to move in but still co-sleeps with his 2 children, son age 6 and daughter age 8 and expects me to sleep in one of their beds on the nights he has them so he can continue his co-sleeping. I don’t want to move in on the basis that I won’t even have my own bed or bedroom and have to move out of his/my bed to accommodate it, am I being unreasonable? Should I just be accepting of this situation?

Absolutely not.

You already know what life will end up like and you know you won't enjoy it.
Don't do it just to regret it.

Agree with PP do not let him move in.

How long have you been together?
My immediate thought was that it is unfair on you to expect you to move out of what will be your bedroom when the kids stay over.
However, on second thoughts, if they are used to sharing a bed with their dad when they stay there, it would be unreasonable to them to expect this to suddenly change because he’s moved his girlfriend in

Absolutely not! I can’t believe you’re even considering this.

How romantic… I hope you laughed in his face when he suggested this.
If he wants to continue co-sleeping maybe get a double for one of their rooms, they can all sleep in the kid’s room and you enjoy your bedroom. Otherwise it would be a definite no from me.

Absolutely not. Why on Earth would you consider it or he think anyone would agree to that?!!!

How often does he have them?

We’ve been together nearly 3 years and he has the kids 50/50

I just didn’t know if I was being unreasonable to say no I’m not happy with that, I feel sly on the kids like I’m being unfair by saying this. I think he needs to start putting them in their own beds now and then I move in after so it doesn’t look as if it’s my fault and I’m the wicked step mum for kicking them out. If he is unwilling to compromise then I don’t want to move in and I’m not sure where that leaves us.

Really best not to move in with him at this stage.

Keep your relationship as living apart and seeing each other when he doesn’t have the kids. You can always reconsider when they are a bit older.

If you move in now and it doesn’t work out, it’ll be hard to move out without ending the relationship. Whereas if you wait, you can move things forward when it’s a better time.

Is there a feeling here that he wants you to be there to help out with the kids? That would be my worry.

Sleeping in the kids beds whilst they Co sleep with him is ridiculous though

Absolutely not.

It's weird for a father to be sharing a bed with older children, regardless of your involvement.

Still co-sleeping with kids that age sounds like an absolute nightmare to me but I guess he's happy with the arrangement? Does the 8 year old not want her own space?

I agree with a previous poster that he needs a double in another room so he sleeps somewhere else with the kids and you keep your bed.

Exactly this!

they also sleep with their mum when they are with her and I actually think he does it more for the company and also laziness, he has not even attempted to put them in their own beds even though they have bedrooms with beds. He actually always moans that he never gets a good nights sleep when he has them so I don’t understand why he allows it!

Definitely do not move in with him. The children will stop sleeping with him eventually of their own volition but I think you would be unhappy living with him now and for a while.

Getting together with someone who has children who are still at school, dependant, is never a good idea. Find someone who is childless or has adult kids who have left home.

Can you not read

The OP would be moving in, not the BF

I’d not move in until they’re in their own beds, it will happen at some point

Contrary to many posts on here it’s not weird, inappropriate or strange to co sleep for an extended time, and none of these comments would be said about a mother.

Absolutely agree with other others. You’re never going to want to holiday with them or have them round for extended periods. If they stay for the school holidays does that mean getting kicked out of your own bed for a week?

I struggle to last 20 mins with my 6yo on the odd occasion she wakes feeling scared or ill or whatever. Nice to have a little cuddle, then back to bed. The jiffling around and trying not to roll on top of her keeps me awake. There is absolutely no way I'd be moving in with anyone who still cosleeps with children who are 6 and 8!

Contrary to many posts on here it’s not weird, inappropriate or strange to co sleep for an extended time, and none of these comments would be said about a mother.

Yes they would. I understand cosleeping with babies, even toddlers, but I'm afraid I do find it quite strange to still do it by the time they're at school. And I don't care if the parent is a man or a woman. Its their choice of course - until it affects someone else.

It’s not weird. It might not be what you would choose to do but that doesn’t mean it’s weird.

It’s totally unreasonable to impose this on a non biological parent though. My DH couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to share a bed with his 6 year old. I found it really inappropriate.

I would only be agreeing to move in with him on the understanding that one of the children's rooms be turned into a room for your specific use. If he won't do this (and he shouldn't tbh) then no dice.

I'd avoid saying that he should be putting the kids in their own rooms. That's not going to help your case.

Good thing no one is even asking the OP to sleep in the bed with them

does no one bother reading posts anymore?

I might aswell just stay in my own home with my own bed then and save all the hassle lol

@shivawn to be fair some kids that age age i ate tscared of sleeping alone. I remember being that age and feeling like that my mum would occasionally let me sleep in her bed. 8 is still very young, although i don't think it should be happening every night