People care more about dog ownership than people becoming parents?

[ElektraAbundance]

This has always had me wondering as both a dog owner and parent.

Ive noticed how having a baby is actively encouraged by lots of people. Colleagues, family members, friends etc. People ask other if they want kids, that they’ll make a great mum/dad etc.

This is regardless of living in a small house/flat, being skint, poor mental health or being in an early on relationship.
I remember years ago saying to someone me and DP wouldn’t be having a baby until we’d moved somewhere bigger and we’re met with ‘It’s fine, I had 3 kids in a 1 bed flat at one point. You make room’ and about finances ‘you just manage.’

On the flip side, if someone even thinks about getting a dog, it is so discouraged.

It’s met with:
Thats a lot of work!
Their expensive!
You work full time?!
You have to walk them everyday!
Your house/garden is too small
Its a huge commitment

As though having a baby isn’t any of those things or less of a commitment.

If people put as much thought into having a baby as they did dog ownership the world would be a very different place.
Why is this?

I have kids and would never get a dog and really want a cat but probably won’t as they’re such a tie. At least you take the kids on holiday with you, they grow up and go to school for 5 days a week, and don’t need supervision pooing after a couple of years. My parents have a dog, it’s 13 ish and still like a toddler but also has old person ailments (arthritis etc). Not for me!

Share your frustration- intelligent breeds with no recall on stupid extendable leads in coats they don’t need. The only reason those mixes can’t walk off lead is sheer incompetence.

Damn, you're right. I remember my mum almost tearing family apart when she found out we got second cat ("do you know how much these costs etc. etc."- no we don't, money fairy is paying for our first one 🙄), but then she thinks it's absolutely fine to have kids when your housing situation isn't even secure, or you're on one income. Crazy.

Yeah, but cats cost me 100 quid a month. I think kids aren't this cheap 😂Just kidding. I have cats, I want kids too. It's just people's wicked ideas that once baby comes to this world, everything falls into place. Bullshit.

'I wish these kinds of conversations and considerations were the norm'

Thank you, and I completely agree!

So true! So often in all over body suits.
Working Cocker x Poodle in a pet home, in London…

What could go wrong?
Anything “ Working “ needs a lot of dedication and training to keep the dog happy.
I like Whippets as can meet their ( Cat like) needs.
A working breed?
So many Border Collies are going mad with boredom in pet homes- Unless owners do tons of mental stuff with them to occupy their brains.

Dogs are completely different to children so you can’t really compare.

Re babies and dogs
( Big charity) home used to say “ We look at families going round on CCTV-
If the kids are well behaved and under control then chances are a dog will be the same.
They have turned down people because of wild kids poking hands through mesh, completely ignored by parent/s.

To be fair, cats are pretty easy pets and they're not expensive. They're also not much of a tie re. holidays as you can either pay for a cattery or have someone pop in twice a day to feed them.

Dogs are different in that they need daily exercise and lots of company and expensive care if you want to go away.

I remember as a child being told by my parents that I can't have something just because I want it and when I grow up this will be the same . I have stuck by this all my life .I have had many a conversation with people one in particular who think it's ok to go on and have 2nd child without the resources it takes but simply feel that it is their right and in the same breath complain that they cannot pay their bills and the childless couple next door can afford a dog stating it's simply not fair ! .
It's so selfish .

As we witness time and time again, it is much much easier to walk away from your responsibilities of pet ownership than that of being a parent.

Its not that people care more about the animals, they just realise that whoever is considering a child isnt going to quit at the first sign of hardship.

In general this is the case, not always....

YANBU, OP. It reminds me of the movie "Parenthood" - a young lad talking about his abusive upbringing, and he said something along the lines of, "You need a licence to get a dog, but anyone can have a baby." That has always stayed with me.

To be honest the kind of people who blame the council or government for not providing enough for the families are also likely to have pets they can't afford.

Most parents (or would be parents) are responsible. It's true that you shouldn't wait until everything is perfect as there's a ticking clock, but there's a happy medium. Kids don't need a detached 5 bed house in the best catchment area and parents on very high incomes to thrive, but they do need a stable home, good nutrition and parents who care - ideally sharing no more than two (same sex) siblings to a room once a toddler.

Whilst I agree with you, it’s preposterous, it’s not really my experience of life. If I lived in MN then I would agree with you, but in reality where I live people tend to put as little thought into having a dog as they seem to do into having kids. Where I live, I’m surrounded by people who’ve knowingly and willingly bought puppies from shit breeders, haven’t bothered to research the breed and only gone on what they thought looked cute, the dogs are not trained, not socialized, and often not walked. So I don’t agree with you that people put more thought into having dogs than they do into having kids, because where I live, they overwhelmingly do not.

@xogossipgirlxo i remember my mum once encouraging me to have a baby with my ex. We were completely unsuited and argued like cat and dog. He was also a cock lodger of the highest degree!

my mum said he could be a stay at home dad as I had a good job as her argument as to how it would work. She also said the tiny box room that was crammed with stuff due to no storage in the rented accommodation could be the nursery. Then told me it was fine as she had a smaller place with me and my brother and ‘managed’ by me room sharing with her until I was 3.

But then several years later when I was a settled homeowner with a small garden and stable relationship of a couple of years and told her I was thinking about getting a dog she was like ‘but you both work full time! Doggy daycare costs a fortune! They are. A huge responsibility! Are you crazy!’

But yet if I’d taken her advice years before I’d have been a single parent to a cocklodger in insecure rented accommodation! I could see that at the time but she was like ‘it’ll be fine, babies don’t need much’

The thought process I do not understand. Yet so many others seem to display the same way of thinking.

All the "should I have another baby" threads on here infuriate me for the reasons you point out. There are always a significant number of posters saying things like "Just do it! It will all work out!" or "Just do it! Nobody ever regrets having a child!" when both of those are fucking bullshit.

But if anyone raises the idea that people should look at their housing, financial, and psychological situation before having a baby, you get other idiots saying, "Oh, so children should only be for the rich?" or, even worse, screaming about eugenics.

Me and DH decided to be childfree after lots and lots of discussion. Most of the couples I know with children seemed to have very little or even no discussion about having them.

So many couples just think "it's the done thing", the next step after getting married etc. Also so many "accidents" it's untrue.

Children are not a right. Yes some women get strong a strong urge to have them but we are human and have a brain and are perfectly able to ignore that urge if having a child is not a good idea.

One thing that really annoys me is people, especially on here, saying "you will never regret having a child". Such utter rubbish. There are many many women who regret having children

I'm a mother to one child and have never seen it as difficult, I enjoy it, I think a lot of that is having one and not working.

I also don’t really like dogs all that much.
Having a dog is much more difficult than a child. You can't reason with a dog. A dog also never grows up or stops being in that stage where you can't reason with them. They are like a perpetual toddler. Also my child has never defecated on the floor.

I'd have three more kids before I had one dog.

Parents don't always know best do they! 😂 I agree the attitude seems to be " yeah go on have a baby" even if your starving to death . But then "what ! you want to own a dog are you insane ?" . It's madness .

It’s a very large window to have a baby though

When I was younger (so much younger than today), I got my first 'decent' job. I decided I REALLY wanted this (stupid and unnecessary) Italian sportscar. I couldn't really afford it and would need to make serious cut-backs to make the repayments on it but decided I would 'Make it work'. Fast forward less than a year, the car wasn't maintained properly, I couldn't afford to run it and it, ultimately, got repossessed by the finance company.

I learned a lesson in financial responsibility (and my own stupidity).

Now. I'm not going to compare the biological desire for children with the awe-struck lust for Italian sportscars BUT my point is this...

Scenario A: I tell my friends that I'm thinking of getting a Ferrari. I will be told (rightly) that I'm an idiot, I can't afford it, I can't look after it and it'll end up broken or repossessed.

Scenario B: I tell my friends I'm having a baby that I can't really afford and I get told to 'just make it work' because...you know...babies!

The difference is, in scenario A, the worst case is that I end up skint with a repossessed car and everyone calls me a moron. In Scenario B the worst case will have a terrible effect on the life, experience and upbringing of a human being. Yet nobody will stand up and tell you you're being stupid for having (more) children that you can't afford as it's seen as a 'right'.

I know my car/baby comparison is a bit silly but it's true that so many people put far too more thought into decisions with few long-term consequences than they do when having a baby which is the ONLY thing in life that is irreversible AND directly impacts the life of another human.

Nobody accuses you of being selfish if you don't have a dog, or asks you intrusive questions about it.

I only mentioned the small home @HerMajestysRoyalCoven, not the job.

I lived in a one bed flat as a very young child. I slept in with her until I got older and we moved. I had a wonderful childhood with her, full of love and warmth. Like I said; having a baby in a one bedroom flat is not ideal but it’s not the end of the world.

It is, but if you’re at the end of it and your options are limited then you have to act with the limited choices you have.

Absolutely fantastic post ! I have never seen it put so concisely. That really is the attitude sometimes .