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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pretty angry about this?

76 replies

Blondewithredlips · 09/11/2022 23:31

Arranged to meet a friend at 10 today. Plan was for her to confirm she could make it this morning and come to pick me up for us to go for a coffee.

Get a text at 0925 saying she is early and parked in a 30 minute space. However I am not quite ready so rush to get ready sooner. Meantime she rings and I miss her call so call her back but no answer.

Get a message at 0950 saying she has driven off and we can meet another time. Then get a text saying she is sitting having a coffee where we were due to go this morning.

AIBU to think this is not reasonable? Surely if you are early you could wait in the 30 minute space then drive to pick me up?

OP posts:
Original poster
Blondewithredlips · 10/11/2022 00:22

Want2beme · 10/11/2022 00:14

Did you see her text at 9.25, or is that the txt you saw at 9.45?

For her to end up at the place you were going to anyway is very odd, indeed. Is this common behaviour for her? Is she stressed and a bit distracted?

Sorry did not reply to all your questions. She probably would have gone to coffee place anyway as she shops there. It was her that asked to meet. I think she likes to do things on her terms and just cannot see that this was unreasonable.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blondewithredlips · 10/11/2022 00:25

Alvinne · 10/11/2022 00:11

What a weird thing to do! Surely if she was sat in her car in a 30min space she could have stayed there as long as needed as she would know if a traffic warden went past? Why did she go to the cafe without you, its so weird. I wouldn't be happy about this, is she generally self centered?

She is nice but I get the impression she thinks her time is more valuable than mine and that I sit around doing nothing on my days off.

OP posts:
America12 · 10/11/2022 00:38

YANBU. I don't understand why people are confused 😐

AliensAteMyHomework · 10/11/2022 00:43

Well, this all sounds quite stupid on her part and very petty. Is she a close friend? If not I'd just not make plans to meet her again. If she is, I'd talk to her about it and say wtf were you doing?! 🤣

I couldn't bring myself to be angry about a coffee date that went wrong.

MrsMorrisey · 10/11/2022 00:51

Bit weird. Can't be a very good friend. Maybe she was annoyed that she had to pick you up.

Roomytrouser · 10/11/2022 00:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Surely the OP would only do this if they thought the truth would make them look unreasonable so why would they be posting in AIBU? There’s no obligation to seek out the view of randoms from the internet.

Roomytrouser · 10/11/2022 00:58

YANBU

Minimalme · 10/11/2022 01:03

I think she text expecting you to be nearly ready and come out out early.

Presumably she didn't expect to be early. but waited 20mins and got wound up.

Waiting is frustrating and sounds like she got lost in her irritation.

RishisProudMum · 10/11/2022 01:19

Minimalme · 10/11/2022 01:03

I think she text expecting you to be nearly ready and come out out early.

Presumably she didn't expect to be early. but waited 20mins and got wound up.

Waiting is frustrating and sounds like she got lost in her irritation.

Why would she be nearly ready more than half an hour early? That’s not a reasonable expectation. If she got wound up and/or frustrated, that’s really on her.

georgarina · 10/11/2022 02:53

Really weird
Does seem v disrespectful of your time and just strange. You were ready to meet at the time you'd agreed. And then to go there anyway..seems like she's a bit off?!

Shinyandnew1 · 10/11/2022 03:15

Does she usually drive you when you meet up?

FindingMeno · 10/11/2022 03:19

Would be my ex friend after that.

HuggsBosom · 10/11/2022 03:20

I wouldn't let this go. She has behaved appallingly and had a childish tantrum. Her texting you that she was having coffee there anyway was her going 'ner ner ner ne ne'.

StClare101 · 10/11/2022 03:28

So she drove off ten minutes before you were meant to meet because she was sick of waiting. Utterly bizarre and dickish behaviour. I wouldn’t scramble to meet her again.

GoAgainstNicki · 10/11/2022 03:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

How can you say ‘this is closer to the truth’ as if you’re either person in the story?😂 so weird

Walkacrossthesand · 10/11/2022 07:25

What puzzles me about the timings, is that you say you live a 20 minute uphill walk from the 1000 meeting place, so would have had to leave the house at 0940 latest to be there on time; but you were in the shower at 0925 when she texted?

15 minutes between stepping out of the shower and leaving the house - that's cutting it fine, isn't it? Are you ever late for things yourself?

Mangogogogo · 10/11/2022 07:31

Walkacrossthesand · 10/11/2022 07:25

What puzzles me about the timings, is that you say you live a 20 minute uphill walk from the 1000 meeting place, so would have had to leave the house at 0940 latest to be there on time; but you were in the shower at 0925 when she texted?

15 minutes between stepping out of the shower and leaving the house - that's cutting it fine, isn't it? Are you ever late for things yourself?

She was getting picked up

Walkacrossthesand · 10/11/2022 08:16

Oh yes, sorry, that's in the first post.

Shinyandnew1 · 10/11/2022 08:21

Someof the problem here seems to be around you actually getting there. If she’d found a space, surely she wouldn’t want to leave a space, come and collect you and then have to drive around and find a different one?! Does she always collect you when you go out? Does it annoy her?

Needlesandsafetypins · 10/11/2022 08:23

She sounds a bit flaky. Has she done this sort of thing before?

mrsm43s · 10/11/2022 09:17

What did you reply at 9.45, that led her to decide to leave 5 minutes later?

If your 9.45 reply was "OK,be with you in 10 mins" then it seems odd that she drove off rather than waiting 5 mins then driving round to your house to pick you up. Obviously 10 mins for 9.45 would be 9.55 so pretty much the time you'd agreed to meet, so you'd be ready by then.

Were there crossed messages about timings? For example, if you'd agreed to go for coffee at 10, and she's picking you up on the way, then presumably she'd be picking you up before 10, to allow time to get to the coffee place and park up and get inside by 10. Were you meeting others at the coffee place too? (hence why she continued to go there?)

TBH, if someone is giving me a lift, I make sure I'm ready in plenty of time. It does seem like your timings were cutting it pretty fine anyway - do you have a history of keeping her waiting? It seems an odd reaction if you're normally punctual and reliable.

Original poster
Blondewithredlips · 10/11/2022 14:32

To reply to a few points.
I am reliable and on time when we meet
I was ready to leave at 0950 and left a voicemail at 0955 when I could not get her on the phone after several attempts.
She suggested the pickup we could have gone to other places on foot if she had found free parking which is time consuming but possible.

I think it is her inability to see it is not ok to bring arrangements forward 30 minutes with 5 minutes notice and instead of waiting in 30 minute space (she had it until 0955) she just cancelled our coffee and drove off. I messaged to say I was not happy about it and radio silence since then.

OP posts:
mrsm43s · 11/11/2022 08:45

So you didn't send her any text at 9.45 when you got out of the shower?
So, from her point of view, she got no reply to her text of 9.25, so she drove off when her time elapsed.

She didn't bring arrangements forward by 30 mins with 5 mins notice. She in fact brought arrangements forward 5 minutes with 30 mins notice (advised you at 9.25 that she was in parking space for 30 mins).

You should have texted her back as soon as you could, which you failed to do.

You haven't clarified whether she was picking you up for "coffee at 10", in which case she was bang on time and you were running very late, or "picking you up at 10" for coffee. Or whether you were meeting others in the coffee shop at 10.

In future, maybe make your own arrangements to get places rather than relying on her for a lift.

Shinyandnew1 · 11/11/2022 09:20

Do you also drive and take turns to pick her up 50% of the time?

HeraldicBlazoning · 11/11/2022 09:26

Yes OP, your friend is unreasonable.

I have an arrangement to meet a friend today at 12.30. I am not going to turn up at midday and get the hump because she is not there.