Sleeping over at friends house

[margaritawithaM]

My husband and I split in the summer, and we only told the kids around 6 weeks ago, once he had sorted a flat to rent. He moved out about 5 weeks ago and our two girls started staying over at his house about 4 weeks ago (we tried to do this gradually but they were really excited to go). We have been amicable so far and want to co-parent with the girls best interests at heart.
My youngest has a friend in her class (let’s call her Jade) where I don’t know the mum (met her once) - my husband used to do majority of pick up and they met in the park this year (spring). This mum is single too. After we split up, (but before we told the girls), she asked him to give her a lift to college. He did not tell me this, but my eldest came home crying about it because she obviously thought something was going on between them as she was saying she was worried we were going to split up.
I thought it was weird this woman would ask him for a lift when they haven’t known each other a long time (we don’t live far from the college/loads of buses).
Today my daughter says, I’m going to have a sleepover at Jade’s house and daddy is coming too.
I ring my husband to clarify and he says yes, Jade asked my daughter and they are all going to sleep over there (my oldest daughter too). I find this so weird, and I don’t feel at all comfortable with them sleeping over somewhere where I don’t know the family at all, and he doesn’t know the family very well. (My daughter has never slept over anywhere before that isn’t family). I have explained that sleeping over someone’s house is something you build up to over years, and I would never think this is an appropriate thing to do. I think it’s confusing for the children to involve someone else of the opposite sex in staying over.
We had agreed that we would not introduce any new relationships for at least a year of dating. He swears there is nothing going on with this woman, and that they are just friends. Regardless of whether this is the case or not, I STILL would not be comfortable with him letting them stay over in someone else’s house (alone OR with him) and I think it’s just so strange that he thinks this is a normal thing to do for them all.
Would appreciate your opinions.

There absolutely is something going on with this woman. Why else would he be sleeping over too 😂

Sorry but it’s none of your business. Strongly suspect you have an issue with you ex husband sleeping there and it isn’t about your daughter at all. Your ex husbands sex life is none of your business.

Well yes it's a bit obvious he's going there for a midnight feast of a different kind OP. A full grown adult male does not go on a friends sleepover. They are clealy an item.

I'm not sure you can decide what's appropriate when he has the children. He's their parent as well and can make decisions about that.

Apart from that, who he sleeps with is his business.

Why on earth is your husband/ex sleeping over at this woman's house???!

There's definitely something going on.

But, unfortunately there is nothing you can do about this. He's allowed to make different decisions than you might about stuff like sleepovers. Even though he's being a knob to do this so soon when he's clearly an item with this woman.

But the sooner you are able to see this and disengage the easier things will be for you

Important- If he has stated by messaging that him and this woman are just friends then keep that as proof, you might need it... if she starts throwing her weight around..

She wunna like being referred to as "just a friend" if he is sleeping with her, we know that. Think smart..

How old are the kids?

I'm not really bothered if he's with her or not - he can sleep over there anytime without the kids - it's the kids seeing that (action) when he is saying we are friends (words) when we'd agreed that we wouldn't introduce relationships for at least a year.

I'm more asking if you think it's a weird thing to do 1. Let your kid sleepover someone's house when you don't know them very well (I know we have different thresholds for this but mine haven't ever been on sleepovers before, and I'd only let them in families I've known for years) and 2. Him sleeping over too, I think that's so weird and not appropriate for the kids to see.

I'm not asking whether I have a choice in the matter.

Kids are primary age.

* introduce a relationship to the kids after a year

Yes I think its a weird thing to 😔

This is out of our control. and as he’s going with them then no there’s no worry or danger to your kids.
i’be never heard of a kid going on a sleepover with their parent though…
out kids do have sleepovers at houses with school friends we’re we don’t know the parents that well, and we have kids here too even though we don’t know the parents. But our kids are 10/12 so a bit older

‘I'm not really bothered if he's with her or not -’

you kind of are though.

He's shagging Jades mum.

He shouldn’t drag the kids in to this though. He can just have his sleepover when they are with you. That’s what I’d tell him - fill her boots with Jade but not in front of the kids. Not fair to make them sleep at a strange house when it’s not necessary.

I'd say it's pretty obvious why ;)

I think he’s interpreted the rule you agreed on introducing “new” partners to not include her or whatever they have going on as he and the kids already know her.

You may not know her well but he knows her VERY well.

How old is your child?
I wouldn’t be fussed if I didn’t know the mum, no chance.

What happens if you say you’ll sleep there instead of your ex ? It’s not normal for the parent to sleep at all!?!?!

Errrm I think your ex knows her well! On that basis I'm afraid your argument is floored, sorry

Do you know if Jade spends time at her dad's too/shared custody? My guess would be that the family sleepover is to make it less weird for Jade that there's a dude staying over. Your ex could stay at Jade's mum's when your girls are with you, but maybe Jade's mum has Jade all the time.

Unfortunately it doesn’t really matter if it makes you uncomfortable.

One of the downsides to splitting up is you have no control over what happens to your kids for the time they’re with their other parent

you might want to get used to this idea

He knows her well enough to be sleeping with her, so yeah I wouldn't like it and I see your point entirely but it's just crap.

Otoh I'd be wondering exactly what yoir youngest (so presumably under 10) saw that was enough for her to think you'd split up. DC seeing DH in a car with a woman wouldn't give them this thought unless he was kissing her etc.

I would hazard a guess that Jades mum has been cosy with your husband long before you two split. That's what would be enraging me right now.
But yeah, absolutely not, my kids wouldn't be staying there until there was some honesty about their relationship. It's far too confusing for them. We are staying at our friends house for a friends sleepover but daddy is going to be kissing my friends mum? No thanks.

It's completely the OP's business when it involves her children!!

What the ex gets up to in his own time is not her business, when he is including her kids in some weird sleep over with a possible new girlfriend, it really is!!