Would you find this weird and what would you to say to him?

[Doggydaycaree]

I have been chatting to a guy on a dating app for around two weeks. We haven’t met yet but arranged for a first date on the weekend.

he asked me if I had anything else planned for this month and I told him it’s my birthday at the end of the month so would be going on a night out. He has basically invited himself saying he will come along? Would you find this weird?

I'd find it a quite pushy.

Little weird. Bit different if you had already been on a few dates. The fact you haven't been on 1. Like you don't know how it's going to go. Definitely shouldn't of invited himself x

Yeh weird. His toothbrush will be in your bathroom by the end of the month. Red flag alert.

I wouldn’t take any notice and just see nearer the time.

Yeah, it's weird. You'll have to just be honest and say you want to keep it to just your friends for that night. If he gets offended, it tells you a lot about him.

People say all kinds of things they don’t mean on online dating. But if you are getting bad vibes, just don’t meet him.

Tell him "thanks but it's girls only". I'd not take it as a red flag by itself but it depends how you feel about him in general.

Yes, I'd find it weird. And needy, & intrusive.

I'd say "the night out is with my close friends, not for strangers"
& then I'd delete/block.

You don't owe pushy men off dating sites any more than that OP.

Jeez. He's just overly enthusiastic. Give him a chance. He's either oblivious to how forward he's being, or he's kicking himself. No reason to say it's a red flag. You lot really are harsh.

Yes, I’d find it rather worrying TBH. It might be a silly throwaway comment, but who would have the brass neck to make a comment like that? At best he’s presumptuous, at worst it’s a red flag.

The main thing at this point though is that he’s said something that’s made you feel uncomfortable, and somebody who makes you feel uncomfortable before you’ve even met is somebody you’d probably be well advised to avoid. You’re under no obligation to give this man any more of your attention, so just don’t.

But - at the point he starts talking about going don't you just say "Ah no, that won't work, it's a night with the girls. Let's see how we get on when we meet before planning what to do about my birthday."

Could it have been meant jokily, as in he's saying it sounds like a great night out, or hoping that date will go that well, but with the assumed knowledge that of course it's too soon to invite himself? Hard to judge tone over text.

If he seems OK otherwise maybe give him the benefit of the doubt for the sake of a couple of drinks or an hours' coffee, but if he's serious about inviting himself then maybe not a second date. That would show a lack of awareness to me.

Yeah and be sure you don't share any details of where and when with him, just in case.

I wouldn't be attracted to someone who couldn't organise their own events.

Maybe it's his way of trying to make it clear he isnt just after a one night thing. I would probably just say "lets see how the first date goes before making any further plans"

Just showing interest 🤷🏻‍♀️

It honestly depends how it was all said/worded. You have a date arranged for this weekend. You've been chatting with each other for 2 weeks. Presumably he thinks the date should go well and he'll be hoping to see you again.

I mean if you said you were just planning to head into town on your bday for a few drinks and meet up with some friends, and his reply was along the lines of, sounds great, perhaps I'll see you there. That isn't weird at all.
If he has demanded you invite him, thats completely different.

"Ah birthday night's out are a girly catch up but we can do something another night."
His reaction may decide if you even meet him at all imo.

just say venue already been arranged just us girls and see how he reacts to that

maybe just keen to see you again

I see this as a red flag as I find men like this are 'future fakers' and in my experience things have never worked out with these types of men. They talk of all these plans then go ghost after a few dates...

How could he possibly know he would want to come when you haven't even been on a first date and have never met before?!

I would probably say "let's see how the first date goes first ;)"

I'd take it as a joke and respond as such.
'ha ha' would suffice.

There's nothing "harsh" about choosing not to date pushy, "oblivious" men.
And women don't owe men who give them red flag vibes "a chance".

OP told us how it was worded though.

He has basically invited himself saying he will come along?

Ugh. No ta.

I would say straight out that you don't know about that as it's early days, you might not feel ready. If he doesn't immediately accept it, end it.

Tell him he can't come, his reaction will tell you all you need to know. A man who can't take no for an answer is not one you want to get involved with. Don't try to break it to him gently either. He was rude to invite himself so it would not be rude to tell him he',snot welcome on this occasion.

You don't owe him an explanation about why you wouldn't want him there. Who wants to spend their birthday making sure a date doesn't feel left out when socialising with an established friend group?

I think this is a brilliant response and would go with that.