To ask the school what they are going to do about this

[mumoffourgs]

I'm after opinions on what I should, if anything be doing about this, as am aware that my life experiences may be clouding my judgement on it.

Yesterday on pickup I was told that my 7 year old daughter was told to remove her pants and show her bum, by a group of boys in her class. This was after they had stolen some of her things and refused to give them back. There are a number of witnesses and I was told it was being dealt with at SLT but with no further information.

I'm really angry at this, but can't tell if I'm being OTT about it because of their age. I would hope that these boys don't understand the full implications of what they'd said, but equally schools these days give so much information on bodily autonomy and pshe that I assume they knew it was inappropriate. I want to email the school to ask what further action they are taking and have written a fairly strongly worded email, but don't want to blow anything out of proportion.

AIBU to think it's a fairly serious incident?

They are 7 years old of course they do not understand

Children DO know right from wrong at this age.

They'll have been taught PANTS by that age. They're I'm guessing Year 2, they should know that your bum, weewee, willy etc are private. But even if you assume they're totally clueless and think it's totally normal to demand to see a part of someone's body they normally keep hidden, they stole a child's belongings and then used this as leverage to bully that child into doing what they wanted.

It needs dealing with STRONGLY and frankly I'd be concerned as to what those boys were accessing or experiencing themselves at home

I would have been inclined to agree to some extent, but before the half term my 5 year old was given pshe lessons about "private parts" and how we don't show them to people, and who the only people allowed to see them are (mums dads doctors etc), who to tell if someone asks to see them...If she knows and it's being taught at that age, shouldn't a 7/8 year old boy know?

The children are all in year 3.

I’d be informing the school that I’d be informing police and social services as this sort of behaviour can be mimicked by what they are seeing at home.

Email head teacher cc in governor's and ask how they intend to deal with this and prevent similar happening in future. It's important to cc governor's so it can't get ignored/ swept under the carpet. It is a legitimate concern and needs to be addressed and you deserve an answer. At the very least the class need an assembly about respect, privacy and not embarrassing others. I would also say the parents need informing too.. i would want to know if my child had been involved in something like that so I could have a serious conversation with them at home. Your poor daughter x

They know it was a mean thing to do
They will not understand the full implications/associations that an adult would, but they absolutely know at 7 that the pants area is private and so this is a lot worse than eg telling her to take off tights
They wouldn’t have intended anything sexual but they intended to embarrass her

I would certainly expect the school to take this pretty seriously

So Juniors. Same as my lad, I'd be mortified if this was my son and I'd be wondering what he or his mates had seen. It doesn't matter that it isn't sexually motivated as in they're not getting turned on, it's an abusive power play and school need to come down strongly on it

God, my DS is in Y3 and his school would be staging all kinds of interventions about this. The boys' families would be getting looked at very closely.

I’d call the police and have them at school asap

I think it's shocking that you were told at collection time. This a serious issue and you should have been made aware of it before the chaos that is the end of the school day.

Thanks for the replies so far.

I'm relived that some people feel as strongly about this as I do. We had issues with the school before and particularly safeguarding concerns not being dealt with. When I coupled that with some of my life experiences, I did not want to make a mountain out of a molehill if my own experiences were clouding how serious this was or wasn't.

in your shoes, I think I would be inclined to send a polite and to the point email today asking what the behaviour policy is for this and the consequences for the children involved. Perhaps they didn’t really understand what they were doing but this is all the more reason for them to learn! They might not be able to give you lots of individual detail but will hopefully be able to assure you that it will be taken seriously.

Schools can be very busy places and while I am sure the school will have this in hand as part of safeguarding practices, a parental email might help keep it in the forefront of their minds. The children are young, yes, but need to know that their behaviour was completely unacceptable and it’s better if this is dealt with as soon as possible after the event.

if the children get no consequences at 7, it could send them the message that this is fine and then what might they do at 17 potentially?

I have a child in year3 and she's totally private about her body (even with me). No chance that the boys 'didn't know' they were crossing the line. They must've counted on the fact that your DD wouldn't tell anyone.
Please raise a stink and make sure these boys do not grow up into the kind that continue to encroach on girls' rights to privacy.

Do tell your daughter's teacher or whoever is in charge of safeguarding - as soon as possible. Kids of that age do say and do silly things but the boys need to have respect for the bodies and privacy of others and it cannot be emphasised too soon.

That’s a serious incident. Serious that they stole her things, serious that their selected ‘fine’ to release those things was so inappropriate.

I would expect the school to treat this as a safeguarding concern via the designated safeguarding lead. I would expect further education around PANTS with the whole class, and very significant focus on the perpetrators, and vigilance in enduring that your child is safe at all times.

Where did the incident occur? When? Who was supervising the children at the time? How can policies, procedures and adult responsibilities / deployment be adapted to ensure it cannot happen again? These are questions that you can and should be asking. You cannot know what the punishments will be for the perpetrators, but you are absolutely entitled to know exactly what the school is changing to keep your child and all other children safe.

If school response is ineffective, find out who to contact - local MASH (multi-agrncy safeguarding hub) or LADO (local authority designated officer, I think) who have overarching safeguarding responsibilities and will ensure this is treated seriously.

It may be small boys being silly. It nay be evidence of one of the perpetrators having significant abuse going on in their life. So someone needs to investigate very fully.

You are right, it needs to be taken seriously. But that's why it's being dealt with at SLT level. It happened yesterday, so maybe give them today to actually put a plan in place, speak to the witnesses, speak to the boys parents, document what has happened and take the necessary actions to safeguard your DD and any others. Just because things don't happen instantly does not mean they aren't treating it seriously. Any action taken will be happening alongside teaching, pre-scheduled meetings and school events, covering staff absence and having to manage other incidents going on in school. Safeguarding takes priority, but that doesn't mean everything else that goes on in a school can stop completely. I hope your DD is OK, it must have been very upsetting for her.

Those saying contact the police, no crime has been committed as they are 7 years old and the age of criminal responsibility in this country is 10. Some 7 year olds absolutely do know right from wrong, some very definitely don't. It is a mistake to assume that all children have the same understanding at the same chronological age. I work with some teenagers who are early primary level in terms of their learning and social skills. The OP is welcome to contact the Police, but their response will be that the school needs to deal with it.

What @AutumnIsMyFavouriteSeason said.

I’d go ballistic if that happened to DD. Have you made other parents aware? I would! I would ask ask to discuss with the head.

I’d expect the school to deal with this very strongly, they’ve got a right gang of future-rapists on their hands there.

My point with police wasn’t that they need to arrest children but that this sort of behaviour can be indicative of abuse at home and someone needs to look into the families asap. Be it abuse an older sibling showing them inappropriate material etc etc.

You have no rights to know what punishment the boys are (or aren't) receiving.
Focus your response to school about how they are going to safeguard your daughter in future, how they are going to reduce the chance of sonething similar reoccurring, and if there is to be a reteaching of PANTS to make sure everyone knows its not acceptable behavior.

Yes, be furious, but understand what you might or might not get out of the school, and target your response appropriately.

‘Dealt with by SLT’ could just be a phase lead having a chat with the boys.

You need to be assured that it is being dealt with by the DSL - designated safeguarding lead - who should have had the training to understand how to deal with and escalate such incidents, in particular in what they might be revealing about one or more of the perpetrators.

Someone from school should have spoken to you immediately and explained the processes, protection, investigation and how they plan on ensuring this will not happen again to you...

I would Email the head teacher stating your disappointment that you were not given a more thorough explanation of what procedures were being put in place immediately after the incident and your intention to contact the Police, Social Services, Childline and the Designated Safeguarding / Child Protection Governor for further advice.

Year 3 age is not too young to understand that this is wrong and humiliating behaviour.

I'd ask to see the Safeguarding policies and the safe guarding Governor. Emails to teachers often get swept under the carpet but complaints to the Governors, some how sharpens the mind of the staff to take it seriously.

Many boys and one girl being targetted. It raises questions of safeguarding of those boys at home. What are they seeing?