To ask the school what they are going to do about this

[mumoffourgs]

I'm after opinions on what I should, if anything be doing about this, as am aware that my life experiences may be clouding my judgement on it.

Yesterday on pickup I was told that my 7 year old daughter was told to remove her pants and show her bum, by a group of boys in her class. This was after they had stolen some of her things and refused to give them back. There are a number of witnesses and I was told it was being dealt with at SLT but with no further information.

I'm really angry at this, but can't tell if I'm being OTT about it because of their age. I would hope that these boys don't understand the full implications of what they'd said, but equally schools these days give so much information on bodily autonomy and pshe that I assume they knew it was inappropriate. I want to email the school to ask what further action they are taking and have written a fairly strongly worded email, but don't want to blow anything out of proportion.

AIBU to think it's a fairly serious incident?

My 3 year old knows this would not be acceptable

I don’t think you’re over reacting to want to know what the school are doing about it (though there will be limits on what they can tell you about the boys), how they’re going to support your DD or how they’re going to ensure it isn’t repeated.

But I also think, at 7, the boys won’t really understand what they’ve done. They’ll know they shouldn’t have done it, but they’ll won’t understand any of the wider implications.

Unless you know some very young 7yo who don't have great understanding capabilities then you are wrong. My ds knew this is wrong from aged 5, something like this would be strictly dealt with at our school.

I think you should ask to see the DSL. They won't be able to give much info about the boys, but they should go in to detail about how they intend to safeguard DD. Child-on-child abuse is serious, even if some of the children don't realise the full impact of what they are doing.

Start by asking for a meeting with a Designated Safeguarding Officer (there will probably be more than one and the HT might be one) as soon as possible. Depending on their response go from there.
Don't approach the safeguarding governor - they would have to direct you to first speak to the school.

I would go absolutely nuclear about this sort of behaviour, and I'm generally fairly relaxed about kid behaviour.

I would not assume any sexual motivation whatsoever, nonetheless its bullying, and its coercive/manipulative and intended to embarrass/humiliate.

I'd be fuming too.

You definitely aren't overreacting. The school needs to take this very seriously. If they've reached the age of 7 thinking what they did was fine then something has gone very wrong in their upbringing.

I completely disagree. No way is this in any shape or formal normal or to be expected or accepted.

If this happened to either of my DD, I would have been straight in to the office to demand a meeting with the Head. No way would I have left and gone home.

I would be calling social services and the police, not just for a scare tactic, but to really bring home how serious this is. If I didn't think they were dealing with it as seriously, I would also be on to OFSTED as well.

I wouldnt let this go OP.

This

Bullying at least,sexual abuse at most.

Both unacceptable.

Take it further, speak up for your child (I’d roar)

Completely unacceptable. Escalate to everyone you can! Social services, safeguarding leads, headteacher.

I would NOT drop this at all, your poor daughter.

Those boys need dealing with quickly and harshly, hopefully that will stop them ever behaving in such a way again.

Thank you all for the reassurance and some really helpful advice. I've contacted the school and have been able to use some of the advice from this thread about who and what to ask for to frame my discussions with them.

Are you kidding? My boys would absolutely know at age 7 you don't do something like this to a girl. It's cruel and nasty.

I'm livid at the school for not going in a lot harder. How would an adult female feel if at work some male co-workers stole her stuff then demanded she show them her butt to get it back? That's not only a fireable offence but sexual harassment that could lead to prosecution. Why should a small child have to endure that in a school which is meant to be a safe space where she can feel protected?

I don't know who exactly this should be reported to but school can't just bat it off as naughtiness. It's really disturbing. Sorry OP that your poor DD has to go through this.

I agree this needs to be taken seriously…. another aspect that bothers me is the fact that it was a group of boys. That’s pretty intimidating and horrible behaviour.

I’d be raising those with safeguarding lead. There may be a particular child who is the ringleader or who has engaged in similar behaviours before and/or is already known to social services.

This can be a red flag, in terms of sexual abuse. Or, it could be nothing.

It also needs to be taken very very seriously for your DD. You are not overreacting in the slightest. When you email, ask for a copy of their bullying policy (although you should be able to find it on website) and asked for it to be logged as a bullying incident, as you need to build a paper trail in case there are any further issues.

All of this.

Definitely head teacher and if it is an academy in a trust, find out who the trust safeguarding lead is and copy in on your email to the head.

Email as well as meeting with them, and I’d go as far as asking for minutes to be taken at the meeting - if they refuse, tell them you are taking your own.

It's a very serious incident. Raises serious safeguarding issues (what these children are being exposed to).

School can't tell you the specifics of what is happening with the children involved; however, they should be providing more information about how they will ensure this does not happen to your daughter again and she is safe.

I would ask for a meeting with the Head to confirm they are taken appropriate and serious action and also your daughter will be safe going forwards.

I know sometimes Mumsnet likes the drama but I am absolutely with the general consensus here.
If this happened to my DD I'd be absolutely furious. They've already handled it badly by waiting to the end of the day to inform you of the incident tbh so I'd be assuming they won't follow through with any further investigation or education without you pushing it.
We are our children's only advocates. I'd rather risk "blowing it out of proportion" than sit back and do nothing.
You are doing the right thing as per your updates OP. Please don't let this go.

I assume you don't have children, or even know any.

Of course they understand.

Interesting that they didn’t ask her to take her socks off and show them her feet, or her top off and show them her belly button!

OP, ask what they are doing.

As a former governor, there
are policies in place for this.

Look on your school website for the anyone, read it, and take it from there.

Send the email!

YANBU. It doesn’t really matter if they don’t already know it’s wrong, they need to learn it’s wrong as a consequence of this. Not pulling up kids on this kind of behaviour now because they’re only young will cause problems later. The school needs to deal with this quickly and appropriately. The boys need to learn that it’s unacceptable and not a bit of a laugh.

Calm down!
No need for OP to contact SS as school is involved and SS would inevitably become involved that way.

And they’re 7. What do you think dealing with them ‘harshly’ whatever that means is going to achieve?