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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I be keeping my mouth shut?

40 replies

Namechange1990 · 07/11/2022 21:08

So starting to think maybe I am in the wrong here but the stubborn bit of me says no I'm not unfair... So I look after my OH kids whilst he's at work (hour away and no signal), his car has just broken so I am running him in and collecting him, an hour each way completely interrupting my day which I have no problem with but it maybe makes me a bit more short tempered which is why I think I am probably being unfair....so this evening I went to collect him as normal, my rule In my house is if I'm out no one goes out, this also applies to my own children, my SD (12) decided to goto youth club without telling either me or her dad were she was going. Her dad has now basically told me I need to mind my own business with regards to the children because I said I was a bit pissed off at fact this had happened.. i did say this during dinner that was probably a bad move but I didn't know when the right time would be and it was 8pm.

I am a SAHM whilst me works to I can care for children (we have a child together) but this makes me feel like a nanny, so I'm allowed to care for them but not have an opinion? We live separately but he is very clear on his opinions of my house, I brought a kitten recently but am having to get rid of because of his views and he regusrly puts my girl down. I maybe was quite forward with my views at the fact she has ignored the rule on my house but surely it's my house my rules? This may well be the final straw and me about to leave but I am thinking maybe I'm being overdramatic...

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 07/11/2022 21:10

This sounds untenable
he has a lack of respect
he puts your child down
you live seperate my

I’d leave

maddening · 07/11/2022 21:11

Good god, get rid of him.

GoodnightGentleBoris · 07/11/2022 21:12

I can’t believe you willingly drive 2 hours every day to pick him up / drop him off

AND he’s “making” you get rid of a kitten when he doesn’t even live there?!

he sounds awful. By the sounds of it this is the tip of the iceberg, get rid.

DesMoulinsRouge · 07/11/2022 21:14

Dump him, keep the kitten.

Clickta · 07/11/2022 21:17

You're looking after his kids and playing taxi to him?

Nah. Get shot.

problemouno · 07/11/2022 21:17

Please LTB.

Pleasegodgotosleep · 07/11/2022 21:17

He has no respect for you. You're a nanny and a driver. Get rid.

Dragonskin · 07/11/2022 21:19

You are not being unreasonable at all and if he wants you to provide childcare in the house that he doesn't even live in then your house rules stand for ALL the children. If you aren't to have an opinion he will need to sort out alternative childcare.

And his opinion does not count about your house, so why are you getting rid of the poor kitten?

KettrickenSmiled · 07/11/2022 21:20

You call him your OH, but he doesn't live with you, puts your daughter down, tells you you have to get rid of your cat, expects childminding, expects 2 hour chauffeuring every day ... & you think YOU might be being dramatic to feel used & want to quit?

Does he pay any maintenance toward your shared child?
Any money to you for you to live off while you raise his kids?

Would you not be much happier finding a job, getting the childcare you need to accommodate that job, & ditching this controlling, selfish little twat?

CopOut27 · 07/11/2022 21:24

Tell him to f**k off.

Wake up OP.

Cosycover · 07/11/2022 21:28

There's a really easy solution here.

Shinyandnew1 · 07/11/2022 21:28

Dump him, stay in your house and keep the kitten. He sounds like an arse.

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 07/11/2022 21:29

Woman up. Get rid of the nasty fucker...

imsureineverdo · 07/11/2022 21:30

DesMoulinsRouge · 07/11/2022 21:14

Dump him, keep the kitten.

Absolutely right!

Darbs76 · 07/11/2022 21:31

So he has a say in your house (can’t have a kitten) but you can’t have a say in your own house about his kids who you have to look after. Don’t waste your time with his loser

GrazingSheep · 07/11/2022 21:33

Your poor kids. Bet they hate him

00100001 · 07/11/2022 21:38

Why aren't his kids at HIS house?? Confused

Awrite · 07/11/2022 21:39

Oh thank God everyone is saying the same thing. The fact you are questioning yourself shows what a number he has done on you.

Stop allowing him to treat you with such disrespect.

Oh, and keep the kitten.

Thatskindafun · 07/11/2022 21:40

If SD isn’t your business then neither is babysitting her

Also she isn’t your SD, you’re neither married to or living with her dad.
she’s your boyfriends kid.

he has an absolute cheek telling you to mind your business from his life, when he thinks he has a say in your life and your kitten

why are you doing what this man says? Looking after his kids, driving him round for hours a day and getting rid of your kitten?
and the worst bit is that he’s allowed to put your DD down?

youre not being over dramatic.

RiftGibbon · 07/11/2022 21:46

Keep the house. Keep the kitten. Lose the bastard.

Namechange1990 · 07/11/2022 21:58

I do consider my them my step children as I have done the majority of the upbringing since they were little (he worked away for a long time)... Thank you though because youve all confirmed what I thought.

OP posts:
Namechange1990 · 07/11/2022 21:59

They ask to stay at mine normally

OP posts:
gloriamoi · 07/11/2022 22:02

You are not being unreasonable at all and if he wants you to provide childcare in the house that he doesn't even live in then your house rules stand for ALL the children.

this with bells on. I'd have being furious.

CopOut27 · 07/11/2022 22:04

I do consider my them my step children as I have done the majority of the upbringing since they were little (he worked away for a long time)...

Well he's landed on his feet with you hasn't he? It's lovely you consider them step children and are looking out for their care etc. but please really reflect on this relationship.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 07/11/2022 22:10

He has some balls.

The bloody cheek of him.

Feck that.

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