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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or am I being a brat

28 replies

bwstri · 07/11/2022 20:50

My husband literally never ever surprises me with anything.

He never uses initiative with gifts and I always have to choose my own things. For Christmas I said I'd love theatre tickets and sent three shows I'd like to see by text. I know the dates of these shows as one was v soon after Christmas one was on my birthday and the other was the month after. I know this as I looked for the shows myself!

I just said "I know you've booked a show, it's not on xyz date is it so I can make plans with my friend?"

He said no and told me the exact show date and now I am back to not having a surprise and I feel so disappointed!

OP posts:
Changingplace · 07/11/2022 20:52

You’re being ridiculous, you virtually asked him the date, he told you, and now it’s his fault? Don’t be so silly

Original poster
bwstri · 07/11/2022 20:53

I didn't ask the date though did I? I just needed to rule it out being one specific day..

OP posts:
pictish · 07/11/2022 20:53

One of three shows isn’t a surprise anyway. 🤷‍♀️

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 07/11/2022 20:54

I mean it wasn’t really a surprise anyway, you sort of still chose it.

if you any surprises then just tell him to surprise you and don’t give him any ideas. You may end up with some random stuff, but at least you’ll be surprised by it and you can see whether or not you really want him to surprise you or whether (like me) you’re far safer choosing your own gifts.

PinkButtercups · 07/11/2022 20:54

You've asked if it's on a certain date he said yes now you're upset. Yes, YABU.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 07/11/2022 20:54

If you want.

MammaWeasel · 07/11/2022 20:54

I think you are being a brat.

MolliciousIntent · 07/11/2022 20:55

You're absolutely being a brat. You already chose your gift, why make such a fuss about it being a surprise?

Original poster
bwstri · 07/11/2022 20:55

PinkButtercups · 07/11/2022 20:54

You've asked if it's on a certain date he said yes now you're upset. Yes, YABU.

He didn't say yes. He said no to that date. That's all he needed to say, he didn't need to go on to tell me

OP posts:
Limer · 07/11/2022 20:56

Brat.

Preeeettyprettygood · 07/11/2022 20:56

Oh get a grip!

Theydoyaknow · 07/11/2022 20:56

Grow up!!

SunshineAndFizz · 07/11/2022 20:57

Brat.

Do you surprise him ever?

lifeinthehills · 07/11/2022 20:57

I wouldn't sweat this one. You asked, so it made it difficult not to give you the spoiler.

Darbs76 · 07/11/2022 20:57

You probably needed to add ‘don’t tell me the date or show, just say yes or no to this question’. Or chosen another date to meet your friend to risk ruining your surprise

booboo82 · 07/11/2022 20:57

Oh god your poor husband

Original poster
bwstri · 07/11/2022 20:58

Darbs76 · 07/11/2022 20:57

You probably needed to add ‘don’t tell me the date or show, just say yes or no to this question’. Or chosen another date to meet your friend to risk ruining your surprise

Yes. I think you're right.

OP posts:
goodmourning · 07/11/2022 20:59

PinkButtercups · 07/11/2022 20:54

You've asked if it's on a certain date he said yes now you're upset. Yes, YABU.

learn to read.

OP I see where you’re coming from but you’re still being a bit of a brat. You’d know it was one of 2 dates, that’s not much of a ruined surprise

Original poster
bwstri · 07/11/2022 20:59

SunshineAndFizz · 07/11/2022 20:57

Brat.

Do you surprise him ever?

I do actually! I'm always the one who has to make plans unfortunately

OP posts:
Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 07/11/2022 20:59

You're being a brat here

EmeraldShamrock1 · 07/11/2022 21:01

There is nothing wrong with expecting your partner to be spontaneous occasionally.

I wouldn't force dates or ideas.

But yanbu in wanting a surprise to cheer you up.

PinkButtercups · 07/11/2022 21:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
bwstri · 07/11/2022 21:01

@goodmourning sorry to clarify, those were the "types" of shows I'd like as per him asking which ones so he got ideas. I suggested three. The date with my friend was a fourth date but I didn't want to risk it being the one day he arranged something since it very rarely happens!

I should have probably caveated to say "don't tell me which date, just say yes or no". If it was a yes then that would have totally been my own fault.

OP posts:
C1N1C · 07/11/2022 21:02

Lol, in one post we have someone complaining that her partner doesn't surprise her and gets upset when he buys what she wants...

...and in the other we have someone complaining her partner keeps on surprising her with holidays and is called controlling.

Is there a right answer for these guys? Asking for a friend 😀

Usernamepleasework · 07/11/2022 21:30

@C1N1C ahaha was thinking the exact same lol