Is this the tightest of tight?

[Frightenedbunny]

So I’ve seen this happen too many times now. Initially thought it was an oversight but I can now count at least 5 times it’s happened. Sister in law buys one of our children a birthday gift, if for any reason it’s unsuitable, she agrees to take it back for an alternative but the goods never arrive. She bought my son a game at Christmas, he already had it. She agreed to take him to shop to get an alternative, it never happened. She’s recently bought my daughter a jacket for her birthday. It was too small. My daughter was very polite and honest and said it wasn’t really her style. (She’s 14). She agreed to return it for a gift card. It’s now disappeared. We’ve seen her multiple times the past month and no mention of it. Just for info, she lives alone, very low mortgage and is financially secure.

No never. That would be annoying!

The alternative is that they can’t be returned for whatever reason - (she doesn’t have the re option, she’s re-gifting etc) your post implies she’s not overly thoughtful about getting sizing of your DC right etc when she has her own kids so wld prob know correct sizes etc.
Are you saying she just doesn’t care & doesn’t follow through either?

Either way - they’re only gifts & usually you make the right noises, are gracious & minimise any fuss.

Not everyone is going to do gifting the way you’d expect or want it.

What’s your relationship with her like in general?

I’d just give presents that are matched to hers in terms of level of effort & budget.

@donttellmehesalive , it wasn't great. One relative is notoriously bad at presents. It's not the gift itself but they don't seem to be matched to the recipient. They're not even the 'generic adult female/male type gifts' like the lynx or soap&glory gift sets. They are things that look like they've been grabbed out of the cupboard and wrapped. I've had the years old unused item, a man's top in her DH's size, a child's toy, a rather hideous designer top in her size but way too small for me.... Another relative got a cheap french press two years running, and they were not the sort to drink anything other than instant.

My thought too, she's spending money on the original gifts without knowing they're unsuitable so she isn't tight

Just have a Martyn Lewis No Present Pact from now on. Saves so much pissing about.

Smile say thank you flog them on facebook market place and give the kids the cash to get something else..job done no hurt feelings no confusion

You keep giving her back her gifts and asking for different ones. Is she rude?

If you mean telling someone you don’t like a gift and expecting them to replace it, then yes - that is embarrassingly tight

I remember when my sister was young, clothes that were 3 sizes to small from next- my mum took them back. She was then told, they’d been in the sale 5 years previously!!

"She was then told, they’d been in the sale 5 years previously!!"

Someone still gifted them to her. Is a gift only appreciated if someone has recently spent money on it? Sometimes people just don't have the money to be buying everybody they know a gift as well as buying all the children in all their children's classes gifts for their birthday parties.

If someone hasn't the money but has a gift they bought a while back in the cupboard should they be shamed for gifting it?

It's mean spirited.

@Forfukzsake , you really think that a child wants to receive a gift of clothing 3 sizes too small that were bought 5 years ago?

But surely that's life.
I have 1 DD my friends and family have 2+ DC and I always buy them all gifts and receive 1 for DD. I wouldn't expect a gift for me or DH just because I'm buying them 2 or 3 gifts for their DC's.
I'm thinking the SiL is just forgetful but maybe it's time to ask for gift cards instead of gifts.

My DS 4 chose a present for his cousin (6) and my SIL called and said he already had it and didn’t like it and asked me to change it.
I was offended, I thought how ungrateful.

For context, money is tight for me and I couldn’t find the receipt so I didn’t end up replacing it. Time passed and I forgot about it until now, maybe that’s what’s happened here.

If this has happened five times I’d think you were being unnecessarily spiteful and ungrateful.

@Beachloveramy did she actually give the present back? Or expect you to pick it up?

If she has promised to replace the jacket and game, then she absolutely should. To be honest, she's taking a bit of a gamble buying a 5 year old a game if she hasn't asked if he already has it.

Also, a bit silly buying someone a jacket - how do you know it will fit and is in the style they like?

It sounds to me as if she gets these 'gifts' for next to nothing, or perhaps she bought them ages ago hence not being able to return them. Maybe they were gifts for her own children and she's re-gifting them on yours.

I wouldn't be happy. It would be better if she just didn't give a gift or have a gift voucher.

I do think you need to mention the jacket and game though, just ask her when they will be getting the replacements. There's nothing rude about that. I don't think it's fair to do that to a 5 year old.

Just seen it's your sister in law, not your sister. So can your DH speak to her about it?

It’s a gift. Smile and say thanks.

Would never expect someone to be taking stuff back. Regift or charity shop.

Maybe say for future gifts no clothes as children grow so fast or say that you think it’s time to stop exchanging gifts with cost of living etc

Sounds like she is been passive aggressive. I don’t think it’s rude to say to family if somethings wrong (like I wouldn’t bother with small gifts for birthdays etc) but you need to say would it be easier if a) you don’t do presents b) you do money gift cards etc c) you provide gift receipts d) you give her a list of things they want with sizes etc

She may be very disorganised like me - my lovely sister had a birthday in August and I still haven’t sorted out her birthday present. Plus I’m sure I owe my nephew a replacement present for one which didn’t fit…. Hang on is this question about me?

Most shops will exchange without a receipt, so I would smile and say thank you then seek to exchange it myself, if that isn't possible, sell it online and use the money made for something the kids do want.