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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Problem with DD violin teacher

436 replies

MarkyMarky · 07/11/2022 19:02

DD 7 started violin lessons in sept and I don’t feel she has made much progress. I encourage her to practise most days but the noise is atrocious. I contacted the violin teacher to ask why it’s so bad. The violin teacher basically said in not so many words that we must be patient and the violin takes time as it’s a very difficult instrument and implied that maybe she needs to practise more. This rubbed me up the wrong way as we are already practicing.

however DH is an accomplished cellist and said it must be the teacher as he’s musical and knows how to played stringed instruments. He said DD should be using her left hand fingers by now and making a ‘half decent’ sound.

I contacted the teacher again and said I’d appreciate more detail as what is covered in lessons as I wasn’t satisfied. She has ignored me so I contacted the local music service who basically said it’s down to the teacher to liaise directly with us, I explained that she was ignoring us.

I spoke with the school who said the same thing, the teacher needs to speak to us as there’s no-one else who will be able to help us.

AIBu to now make a complaint as we are not being listened to and we are paying a fortune for lessons?

OP posts:
Gazelda · 07/11/2022 21:27

Go easy on your poor DD.

If she wants to learn violin and enjoys these lessons, then I'd continue.

The steps the teacher has told you she's taken in 2 months sounds wonderful.

Your DH is obviously truly gifted, and learned by instinct rather than graft. He doesn't seem to have taken into account that your DD might have a different learning style that responds well to the (lovely sounding) teacher at her school.

KettrickenSmiled · 07/11/2022 21:29

Ditsy79 · 07/11/2022 19:09

To be fair, your DD is only 7 and has only been playing the violin for 2 months. My DD started at a similar age and it's only really beginning to sound bearable 2 years on. There are so many different things to coordinate when playing the violin, so it takes a while for it to start sounding good. The only way to improve is practice - it won't magically start sounding amazing overnight.

Funny how OP's husband, the accomplished cellist, doesn't appear to know this himself & inform his wife of the simple fact, innit @Ditsy79

Very odd that he's blaming his child's teacher for his 7 year old not being able to play violin in 2 months flat, given that he’s musical and knows how to played stringed instruments.

He said DD should be using her left hand fingers by now and making a ‘half decent’ sound.
& quite bizarre that he makes this pronouncement instead - of oh I dunno - helping his daughter practice & giving her pro tips. You'd think such an accomplished musician wouldn't be backing his wife in a vendetta against a music teacher. Especially as even the most cloth-eared UNaccomplished amongst us know that violin is bloody hard & takes ages ...

Flossingisforteeth · 07/11/2022 21:31

Professional violinist and qualified teacher here... OP you remind me of a parent who removed their happy, capable child from violin lessons because he couldn't play his (Grade 2) violin pieces to her on the piano when she demanded it

Pawpatrollermum · 07/11/2022 21:31

What’s more important to you - your daughter having fun or being perfect at the violin?

My son has been going dancing for 2 years. He’s not mastered Diversity style performances yet, should I pull him out? No because he bloody loves it!

She’s 7! Chill out and let her enjoy being shit at the violin! You’ll laugh about it in years to come (or maybe not).

kierenthecommunity · 07/11/2022 21:32

Oh and FWIW we eventually transferred our DS to one on one lessons, but only after about 18 months and after the school teacher said he had some aptitude for it. I don’t think I’d have wasted the money at such an early stage as he may have either not especially enjoyed it, or not been that good!

AFS1 · 07/11/2022 21:33

Your daughter enjoys her lessons and has fun. That is the most important thing in learning an instrument.

You and your husband sound like complete arses. I’m a proficient violinist and I can tell you that I sounded fucking terrible for years.

My daughter learnt violin when she was young and her teacher taught her in a similar way to your daughter’s teacher.

Stop being a tiger mum, stop listening to your twat of a husband and leave your daughter to enjoy her lessons.

Mischance · 07/11/2022 21:34

She is enjoying it - that is what matters. Please don't put her off - enjoying it is half the battle.

Lighten up - encourage her - say "Oh that's coming on - much better than last week."

Poor little scrap - you are heading the right direction to put her right off it. Please have a rethink.

Maybe a rethink in general is needed. Your DD will be who she will be - she might not be able to live up to your expectations; and if she doesn't she needs to walk tall and have confidence in herself. Be gentle.

littleworld187 · 07/11/2022 21:35

Why doesn't your husband teach her if he's such an expert?

Coolyule · 07/11/2022 21:35

I’m not sure if you’re trolling but if not:
your child is 7. And has been learning for 2 months. Of course she’s going to sound like a wailing cat. She will for some time. I learnt for 4 years and still sounded atrocious (admittedly I was not good!). The teacher sounds great- it’s so important kids are having fun especially at such a young age. Your expectations are unrealistic and will totally put your dd off music.

OrangeCinnamonLatte · 07/11/2022 21:36

MarkyMarky · 07/11/2022 21:15

Ok fair enough, they are reasonable qualifications but surely a teaching qualification is more relevant to the role of teaching within schools?

maybe I was a bit quick to jump to conclusions. It does seem from the responses that our expectations are unrealistic.

DD does enjoy the lessons. She says her teacher is fun and makes them all laugh by making faces silly faces while speaking on her violin (I assume intentionally!).

I think the group lessons are more suited for younger children. I think at 7 DD should be more violin focused and I think I’ll go down the route of individual lessons.

Show quote history

Your Dd is enjoying the lessons. Music making and learning thrives in an unpressured environment. If you can find an individual teacher that replicates that enjoyment fair enough.

The fastest way to waste money on any music lesson is to put a child in a pressured environment. They disengage and resent practice.

Does your Dd hear any of these discussions between you and DH?

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/11/2022 21:36

Flossingisforteeth · 07/11/2022 21:31

Professional violinist and qualified teacher here... OP you remind me of a parent who removed their happy, capable child from violin lessons because he couldn't play his (Grade 2) violin pieces to her on the piano when she demanded it

That is so sad. Sad

FriendofDorothy · 07/11/2022 21:37

Ach I think you are a troll looking for a rise out of people.

If you are not I fear for your child. My 8 and 9 year old both started at the age of 6/7 with group lessons learning the basics including form, rhythm, notation, how to hold the bow and violin.

They now have lessons in pairs at school and have been making progress but it is fucking painful as they both practice 10 mins each morning whilst I eat my breakfast and weep into my coffee..

If you are not a troll your husband is also a tit and I suspect your kid is going to have trouble living up to your expectations about what they should be achieving.

gamerchick · 07/11/2022 21:37

Does she want to learn or are you pushing it?

Why isn't your husband helping her?

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 07/11/2022 21:37

Your DH being a cellist means naff all, violin is not cello.

I squawked by way through violin for a good six months, it’s an awful instrument when not played properly.

KettrickenSmiled · 07/11/2022 21:38

MarkyMarky · 07/11/2022 21:15

Ok fair enough, they are reasonable qualifications but surely a teaching qualification is more relevant to the role of teaching within schools?

maybe I was a bit quick to jump to conclusions. It does seem from the responses that our expectations are unrealistic.

DD does enjoy the lessons. She says her teacher is fun and makes them all laugh by making faces silly faces while speaking on her violin (I assume intentionally!).

I think the group lessons are more suited for younger children. I think at 7 DD should be more violin focused and I think I’ll go down the route of individual lessons.

Show quote history

Sure, what does fun & the social benefits of group learning have to do with the fact that you've paid good money & want instant results? Keep hothousing & helicoptering OP. It's not important that your child enjoys music & learning for its own sake - you need accomplishments to parade to your peers.

DH says it’s a load of waffle and DD should be playing tunes. We should get a different teacher right? I mean it’s supposed to be a violin lesson nota general music lesson
DH is a knob who has failed to recognise the teacher's ample qualifications, or that violin takes longer than 2 months to learn. DH needs to STFU about what he thinks should be, & ask his child how she is enjoying her music, whether she is having fun in her lessons, & what she's learning with the other kids in her class.

LuckySantangelo35 · 07/11/2022 21:38

MarkyMarky · 07/11/2022 20:27

We are not able to sit in on the lessons as they take place in school.

I’ve found the email response from the violin teacher….

“we have been working on the fundamentals of music such as pulse, rhythm, pitch and aural skills through singing and musical games and activities. We have also learned to hold the violin as correct posture is really important as it directly effects the sound which is produced. The four strings can be identified as G, D, A and E and we are familiar with the concept of pitch from playing low to high (G to E) and high to low (E to G).

An introduction to bow has been made and reinforced through exercises holding a pencil. We have practised using full bows on the D and A strings and have introduced rhythmic patterns using crotchets and quavers. I have encouraged practise at home using a mirror to ensure the bow remains parallel to the bridge, I have also encouraged practise without looking into a mirror to think about how it feels to cross from the D to the A string and encourage muscle memory.

I place a lot of importance on getting the basics correct to avoid problems further down the line. I would recommend at least 10 practise most days at this level”

DH says it’s a load of waffle and DD should be playing tunes. We should get a different teacher right? I mean it’s supposed to be a violin lesson nota general music lesson

@MarkyMarky

oh well if your DH says…..

LuckySantangelo35 · 07/11/2022 21:40

@MarkyMarky

do you always take what your husband says as gospel op?

KettrickenSmiled · 07/11/2022 21:42

FriendofDorothy · 07/11/2022 21:37

Ach I think you are a troll looking for a rise out of people.

If you are not I fear for your child. My 8 and 9 year old both started at the age of 6/7 with group lessons learning the basics including form, rhythm, notation, how to hold the bow and violin.

They now have lessons in pairs at school and have been making progress but it is fucking painful as they both practice 10 mins each morning whilst I eat my breakfast and weep into my coffee..

If you are not a troll your husband is also a tit and I suspect your kid is going to have trouble living up to your expectations about what they should be achieving.

I'm looking forward to the teenage installment @FriendofDorothy

"Our older child is doing GCSE's but her predicted grades are unsatisfactory to us. AIBU to hire a bevy of tutors to cram her, forbid her any extracurricular activities, & lock her in her room for 6 hours each evening until she starts performing to our expectations?"

lionsandwhales · 07/11/2022 21:42

YABU and are expecting too much from your daughter and teacher. Whether she becomes accomplished or not, she is learning all the time even if doesn’t sound great . She will be picking how music is written, rhythms, beats timing, patience ( uh hum ) listening, focussing. I have a DC who is progressing oh so slowly but I don’t care. They enjoy it and are definitely learning.

ilukp · 07/11/2022 21:42

Your DH is obviously truly gifted, and learned by instinct rather than graft

Oh lord, please no, don't give OP any more ammunition to feed the DH's inflated ego.
If fictional DH was "truly gifted" he would get off his arse and do something useful to help his (equally fictional) daughter rather than sitting there with pipe and slippers spouting shit out of said arse.

KettrickenSmiled · 07/11/2022 21:43

ilukp · 07/11/2022 21:42

Your DH is obviously truly gifted, and learned by instinct rather than graft

Oh lord, please no, don't give OP any more ammunition to feed the DH's inflated ego.
If fictional DH was "truly gifted" he would get off his arse and do something useful to help his (equally fictional) daughter rather than sitting there with pipe and slippers spouting shit out of said arse.

😂

XelaM · 07/11/2022 21:43

Violin is a horrendous instrument to listen to unless played by professionals. 😬 It's really the worst sounding beginner instrument. I can't believe you are expecting a 7-year-old to play nice-sounding tunes on a violin after 3 months 😆

Piano would be more bearable to the ears.

StuntNun · 07/11/2022 21:44

Violin does sound terrible at first. I played it for about three years in Junior School and never got anywhere with it even though I was working my way through piano exams successfully at the time. Whatever you do, don't let her take up the oboe or French Horn, they're probably even harder.

Genevieva · 07/11/2022 21:44

Everything the teacher said indicates they know what they are talking about. It is a group lesson, not one-to-one. This means keeping the class together as they progress. If you don't like it, arrange private lessons. These will cost you about £20 a lesson, not £68 a term.

Herewegoagain84 · 07/11/2022 21:45

She may just be shit at the violin… no amount of practice or good teaching can change that.