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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Problem with DD violin teacher

436 replies

MarkyMarky · 07/11/2022 19:02

DD 7 started violin lessons in sept and I don’t feel she has made much progress. I encourage her to practise most days but the noise is atrocious. I contacted the violin teacher to ask why it’s so bad. The violin teacher basically said in not so many words that we must be patient and the violin takes time as it’s a very difficult instrument and implied that maybe she needs to practise more. This rubbed me up the wrong way as we are already practicing.

however DH is an accomplished cellist and said it must be the teacher as he’s musical and knows how to played stringed instruments. He said DD should be using her left hand fingers by now and making a ‘half decent’ sound.

I contacted the teacher again and said I’d appreciate more detail as what is covered in lessons as I wasn’t satisfied. She has ignored me so I contacted the local music service who basically said it’s down to the teacher to liaise directly with us, I explained that she was ignoring us.

I spoke with the school who said the same thing, the teacher needs to speak to us as there’s no-one else who will be able to help us.

AIBu to now make a complaint as we are not being listened to and we are paying a fortune for lessons?

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 07/11/2022 19:18

Just because your husband has musical talent it doesn't mean your child is also talented.

Perhaps they're just not very good or they don't like it - it sounds like you are fairly high pressure with this rather than allowing it to be fun.

Sit in on the lesson to see what's being taught, if the teacher will let you. They may not be prepared to accept this level of scrutiny though.

You haven't actually mentioned if your child enjoys their lessons or practice. How do they think they're doing?

Didiplanthis · 07/11/2022 19:18

Yabvu... and rude to the teacher Your husband sounds worse ! Thus would seem entirely normal progress for 2 months age 7... my 12 yr old still has days of sounding rubbish at grade 5 especially when new things are introduced..and with your daughter EVERYTHING is new. If she doesn't learn the basics properly without rushing now then it's not going to get any better. Does she know how bad you think she is ?

Smartiepants79 · 07/11/2022 19:18

So she’s had what, 6/7 lessons?
Of course it still sounds awful! She’s 7 and she’s playing the violin.
It’s going to take months if not years to sound any good.
As others have said. If your DH thinks he can help her then maybe he should!

HumphreyCobblers · 07/11/2022 19:19

I would see if you or your dh can attend a lesson and the. you will be in a position to help with practice. I do believe the little ones are not ready to communicate what they need to do in practice to the parent, they can barely remember the nuance of what they did themselves.

My Dh went to all the kids lessons and supervised their practice. They did well and love it now they are able to do orchestras and string quartets etc.

Fireballxl5 · 07/11/2022 19:20

Takes 10000 hours to master a new skill OP.
Just saying.

Theblacksheepandme · 07/11/2022 19:21

I can't believe I accidentally picked YANBU because YABVU. She only started 2 months ago. You need to give the process time. Any negativity around her won't be encouraging her to play either.

RoseslnTheHospital · 07/11/2022 19:21

Isn't your DH helping her with her practice and reminding her about what she should be doing?

It's very early days and violin does sound terrible for a long while!

Theblacksheepandme · 07/11/2022 19:22

HumphreyCobblers · 07/11/2022 19:19

I would see if you or your dh can attend a lesson and the. you will be in a position to help with practice. I do believe the little ones are not ready to communicate what they need to do in practice to the parent, they can barely remember the nuance of what they did themselves.

My Dh went to all the kids lessons and supervised their practice. They did well and love it now they are able to do orchestras and string quartets etc.

Good advice, my husband did the same.

gogohmm · 07/11/2022 19:22

My dd is a semi professional violinist. For the first year she mostly randomly bowed the e string with a lot of screech!

Ok she was younger when she started but you need to be realistic. Getting a decent sound out of a a and e strings with the bow is important before you add fingering

NotAKnowitall · 07/11/2022 19:22

Has it even been a month yet?! If it was September 2021 that she started then I'd understand your frustration but not for the September that finished 7 days ago. How many lessons has it even been? You need to give it time like the teacher said.

BritishDesiGirl · 07/11/2022 19:23

Have you given your daughter a choice to learn to play or is she being forced?

Your husband needs to keep his expertise to himself. A person who claims to be accomplished doesn't use phrases like " half decent".

gogohmm · 07/11/2022 19:25

@FlirtyMelons

7 isn't you g actually, most start the violin young. Dd was 3. Her class was 3-5 year olds (Suzuki) and she switch to traditional lessons at 5. Blowing instruments tend to be older

RedDwarfGarbagePod · 07/11/2022 19:26

Are you the poster who complained about her DD's violin teacher being rude a month or so ago and had her arse handed to her over her unreasonableness?

Or do you just remind me of her for some reason...

ThirdTimeIsTheCharm · 07/11/2022 19:26

If you are making a complaint you will kill the relationship teacher-pupil, The teacher will still be professional but the chemistry will be broken.
Violin takes a very long time to produce a semi-pleasant sound.
Change teacher, change instrument. Cello is completely different, you have a better full view of your hands, your neck is not in an awkward position.
Poor teacher

MsRosewater · 07/11/2022 19:27

I played cello- I wanted to learn, started @10 (already played piano and read music etc) and it still sounded shit after a year

Give the kid (and teacher!) a break

Feysriana · 07/11/2022 19:27

Seven is really young.

Two months is no time at all.

Violin is extremely hard (I played as a child and hated it). Most schools start children on recorder/choir, then progress to ukelele/guitar, before an instrument like violin.

(If you don’t want your child to play horrible-sounding music I strongly recommend she quit violin as it takes years to sound good! Guitar would be a much better choice, beginners guitar can sound lovely.)

If you aren’t happy with this teacher, you can easily quit school lessons and hire a different teacher at weekends. But I think your time would be better spent pondering why you have such unrealistically high expectations of a 7 year old violinist with two months experience. If you maintain those unrealistically high expectations throughout her school years you are going to make each other very unhappy.

GoldenSpiral · 07/11/2022 19:30

Blergh. Get back in your box.

NotAKnowitall · 07/11/2022 19:31

NotAKnowitall · 07/11/2022 19:22

Has it even been a month yet?! If it was September 2021 that she started then I'd understand your frustration but not for the September that finished 7 days ago. How many lessons has it even been? You need to give it time like the teacher said.

Ha! I've just realised we are infact in NOVEMBER! Christ on a stick this year is going fast! Still, it's still too soon to be complaining about lack of progress. Give it more time.

Beanbagtrap · 07/11/2022 19:33

Violin sounds awful until you get to at least grade 6. Invest in some ear defenders!

Frazzled2207 · 07/11/2022 19:37

7 is very young for violin which is HARD. And she can’t have had more than 7 lessons?

if she is playing open strings it shouldn’t be that excruciating- ask your dh to make sure it’s properly tuned. I think you need to be a bit more patient.

FlirtyMelons · 07/11/2022 19:37

I play several instruments to a high level including violin and started younger than 7 however children most definitely pick up instruments much quicker older though and can learn in a few months what takes a 5 year old several years. Many music teachers won't take under 8s for this reason as well as potential lack of concentration. I am not saying they shouldn't start young but I don't think OP can expect miracles in 2 months.

FlirtyMelons · 07/11/2022 19:37

Sorry that above post was to @gogohmm

FlirtyMelons · 07/11/2022 19:39

gogohmm · 07/11/2022 19:25

@FlirtyMelons

7 isn't you g actually, most start the violin young. Dd was 3. Her class was 3-5 year olds (Suzuki) and she switch to traditional lessons at 5. Blowing instruments tend to be older

Just reread this, 3 is absolutely not the norm to start violin. Great if their concentration is good enough but in my opinion it's totally pointless.

Gagaandgag · 07/11/2022 19:39

You are being unreasonable! You
sound like a bully! If you can’t respect the teacher then why can’t your husband teach her?

adultingforever · 07/11/2022 19:40

If the teacher does not allow a parent to observe lessons and take notes so they can help with home practice, it will take a very long time for the child to play well. I would look for a Suzuki trained teacher, as they require parents to attend and help at home. I have heard very young students who sound quite good, though they are still playing very simple things. Who would practice if they never sound good? The teacher needs to focus on helping her to sound good and have good position habits before doing anything else, and young students do need help or supervision at home.