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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner flying out?

29 replies

raniatx · 07/11/2022 18:05

DP has decided that he's probably going to fly abroad with a couple of friends to watch a football match.

We have a DS and since he was born he's watched a few games, none of which bothered me because they were in our country so he was never gone for more than a couple of hours and easily accessible.

However, he has decided that his friends and him will be flying to watch a match in february and he didn't even ask my opinion?

AIBU to think he should've consulted me in this decision and asked if i were ok with it? personally, i wouldn't do such a thing without telling him. He'll probably be gone for a day or two and i think it's unreasonable to do that when we've got a couple month old baby.

help me out here i don't know if i'm being unreasonable or if he's just being an a** for thinking he shouldn't even consult with me??

OP posts:
Notjusta · 07/11/2022 18:07

He should have spoken to you first but YAB a bit U about the baby. By Feb your little one will be six months or more. You'll be fine on your own for a couple of days, and you can use it as an excuse to book a night or two away with a friend later in the spring if you want to 🙂

Violettaa · 07/11/2022 18:10

DH and I often have solo holidays. Presuming you can afford it, I don’t really see an issue.

If either of us were doing similar we’d check the calendar first to look for obvious problems, then check in a ‘I’m going to this, any problems?’ type of way, where we’re not really anticipating any.

Mummieslncorporated · 07/11/2022 18:11

Two him in that case, you've booked a weekend away in March. See how he feels about that. And see if he gets that it's not okay just to make a decision when it impacts on someone else, without discussing it first

You don't have to actually do it - but I don't see why you shouldn't.

pastabakeonaplate · 07/11/2022 18:16

I agree with @Mummieslncorporated

Hibernationsetting · 07/11/2022 18:18

personally, i wouldn't do such a thing without telling him.

but he has told you?!

I don’t see the issue.

Original poster
raniatx · 07/11/2022 18:19

Hibernationsetting · 07/11/2022 18:18

personally, i wouldn't do such a thing without telling him.

but he has told you?!

I don’t see the issue.

let me add, he mentioned it to someone and i overheard him. he didn't directly tell me and apparently this was all planned without me knowing of.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 07/11/2022 18:20

As long as he’s prepared to facilitate you having equal time off if you want to go away with your friends, then it’s healthy to have solo time occasionally. He’s not sprung it on you - it’s several months away.

Nanny0gg · 07/11/2022 18:24

How's it being paid for?

notdaddycool · 07/11/2022 18:31

Bit of an arse not to let you know first, but not unreasonable it doesn't sound like something he does often.

ScrambledOrPoached · 07/11/2022 18:43

My DH’s parents live abroad. There’s been many a visit with me at home with the DC, and that’s without lads holidays too.

unknownscot · 07/11/2022 18:45

My husband went away last week for football. It was a passing comment from a friends wife "oh I hear they are off to Spain..."

It didn't bother me. Means I'll get to book a girls night care free ☺️

Runmybathforme · 07/11/2022 19:00

He should definitely have discussed it with you first, but it certainly wouldn't bother me. Just make sure you have a trip away with your friends .

girlmom21 · 07/11/2022 19:08

Can you afford it? If so, you're being silly. Of course he's allowed to go away.

Crazycrazylady · 07/11/2022 19:55

Of fgs..
It's two days: your baby will be six months old at least by then.
If my friends rang me and asked me to go on a weekend trip, I'd be saying yes immediately without asking permission !
I'd mention it that night and I know dh would be happy for me.

HotDogJumpingFrogHaveACookie · 07/11/2022 19:56

Whilst I think its courteous to have a conversation about it, I think claiming he can't go because you've got a baby is absolutely ridiculous.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 07/11/2022 19:57

If he’s held off telling you, it’s probably because he knows you’ll give him a hard time for it.

I couldn’t get worked up about him going away for a couple of days, it’s really not a big deal unless you turn it into one.

toomuchlaundry · 07/11/2022 20:04

Don’t people check calendars with their partners before booking something

PearlclutchersInc · 07/11/2022 20:09

Can you afford it? If the household finances can stand it why not.

Its February, so you've a few months to get used to the idea and if you cant cope with your wee one on your own have family/friend/mum come to stay and enjoy his absence.

Of course, it would it have been preferable to have a chat before the trip was booked.

Chomolungma · 07/11/2022 20:13

He should have mentioned it to you before booking. But apart from that I don’t see a problem with him going - you and DS will be fine. Maybe as others have said you could arrange something for yourself when you feel ready to leave the baby - not necessarily abroad, but a spa day with a friend or similar? DP can look after DS.

Weebachu · 07/11/2022 20:18

A 2 day trip when your baby is nearly 6 months?

I don't see the problem, unless you're very skint and would have to sacrifice something else essential for it.

Frazzled2207 · 07/11/2022 20:19

The trip is fine but yeah he should have consulted you.

I mean, who’d look after the baby if you had plans that weekend? As well as from a politeness pov he has a baby that now needs to be looked after!

i’d drop in conversation that you have arranged to go out for the day/away for the weekend another time

Darbs76 · 07/11/2022 20:21

He should have spoken to you first. But I don’t see a problem with it to be honest, the couple of days away, but courtesy to mention to you first before firming plans

SallyWD · 07/11/2022 20:23

Yes he should have mentioned it and I'm sure he would have mentioned it if you hadn't overheard it first. I think it's good and healthy for him to have time away and enjoy himself. Your baby will be 6 months old by then. You'll be fine!! It's also good and healthy for you to have time away so book a weekend away for yourself.
My DH and I have always done things separately, been away with friends etc. We both encourage the other one to do it. We've both managed to look after the baby alone too because we're grown adults.

pictish · 07/11/2022 20:39

Agree with most. I wouldn’t think to ask or consult about a trip scheduled four months away. I’d just say yes then tell dh later.
I don’t think your baby comes into it. You’ll be fine on your own for a couple of days.

Blueboy1001 · 07/11/2022 20:42

Two things here:

  1. He should've just cross checked before booking out of courtesy (and to confirm the calendar)
  2. Actually going should not be an issue at all unless you have money issues or other commitments on that date.

I hear the young baby argument but, this is more reason for you both to have downtime. Just so long as it works both ways ;)

FWIW - I had the exact same conversation today because I'm going away on the 15th Feb to Dortmund. Guessing he is also following a champions League team as the fixtures came out today. My other halves response was of course you can go but, you will need to make it up to me.. :) As most couples we work a 'brownie points' system.. I have a jolly then that's points in the bank for her to spend how she pleases ;) lol

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