AIBU: health visitor: “it won’t be looked on favourably”

[Itstheimplication]

Just had a call from the health visitor services in our area, last had a check up when DS was 1 and now it’s the 2-3 check, he’s a couple of months away from 3.

They said they needed to book in an appointment and I asked what sort of thing they will be covering and explained his nursery have just had a health visitor in observing the children for a week and we all get a report via the child’s keyworker, plus we’ve had development markers from nursery and progress reports so I just wanted to see if they would be covering anything different.

The woman on the phone got very snotty, there was a long pause and then she said I could decline the visit but it wouldn’t be “looked upon favourably” when I asked what they meant and who wouldn’t look on it favourably she just repeated it again and then said it was in my best interests to book the appointment so there’s a record of him having been seen.

I was a bit unsettled - I hadn’t been rude or anything I just didn’t see the point on doubling up on the info we already had and I had a terrible experience with our HV last time - but I ended up booking the appointment as it was almost like she was insinuating I would be oj some kind of list of concern if I didn’t.

I looked it up online after and can see it’s completely optional and nothing will be held against me if I don’t take the appointment up.

AIBU to cancel the appointment and complain?!

At my sons 2 year check earlier this year, just a couple of months after he turned 2, all she was interested in was pushing potty training and getting him into playgroup. I have 2 older ones and he is only now showing signs of being aware of wee/poops so we are going to attempt potty training shortly. As for playgroup, I plan on putting his name down for a couple of sessions but I really didn't like the pushiness, literally getting her phone out to get the playgroup phone number for me! I already had it as my older son went there, and I already had the form printed out.

3 DC and never met a useful HV. I think we should do away with them completely, waste of NHS time and resource.

Mine was super with my second. He had cmpa and she picked it up within about 2 minutes of walking through the door, rang gp straight away and we picked up his prescription formula the same day. However I have seen no health visitor since then and my son is nearly 4 😂.

Has anybody ever found a HV helpful

Yes, I can recount hundreds of situations. Including those where possibly a child's life was saved. Of course they don't hit the headlines on those occasions, do they?
A HV can't know if you are a great parent who knows a fair bit about child development and has no concerns, or if you are a parent who either does not know a lot about child development and isn't aware they perhaps ought to be concerned, or if you are a parent who is abusing their child - and yes, abuse includes neglect.

and explained his nursery have just had a health visitor in observing the children for a week and we all get a report via the child’s keyworker

Sounds fab. Where is the Country do HVs have the capacity to do this ?? Sounds like a really positive things that I wish could be funded and staffed in other parts of the country.

She sounds officious and frankly overstepping the mark.

I asked to opt out of the hv service with my 3rd due to feeling like I could handle things and their time could be better spent with another parent who needed them. They had no concerns about me or the kids prior. She threatened social services. I've never heard from her or ss since

@Simonjt

Did she want you to put DS's ears on the mantle piece??

daft cow.

I think they should do away with the 'service'. There are some good ones but the vast majority do more harm than good.

put the funding into Local Surgeries firing marked for pre schoolers.

I got bullied into going to that health check in exactly this way. Tried to decline it, got semi-threatened by intimidating health visitor on phone, so decided I might as well go to the meeting.

I regretted it. There was no benefit to me or my child, and she kept us waiting for an hour because she arrived late. (Amusing a 2 yr old for an hr in an empty room is hard!!) She arrived just as my son did a poo but she told me I wasn’t allowed to change the nappy in that room and “If you leave the room then this meeting is over and I have to record you as having walked out midway.”

Son got a nasty nappy rash for the first and only time in his life 🤬

I have a very low opinion of health visitors based on my experience I’m afraid. Most of them I’ve met seem to think they’re secret spies for social services, it’s very odd. My friend is a social worker and she has a pretty low opinion of them too.

Ignore. Nobody has bothered with me or my daughter who was born during lockdown so I am not inclined to bother with them.

WRT it not being looked upon favourably, should your daughter ever be subject to a child protection investigation, missed appointments would be a factor that might suggest that you were avoiding her being seen by professionals. It could paint part of a broader picture along with many many other signs.

However, for a normal loving family, its neither here nor there. Sadly, children are knowingly left in terrible circumstances every day. You not taking her to a HV check up is not going to mean anything whatsoever in isolation.

My son had the most horrendous reflux, wasn't keeping any feeds down and my health visitors advice was to wean him - at 5 weeks old. From then on we ignored all appointments with them and nothing happened

Mine told me my son was ‘very big’ every single visit in a worried way.

He was 11lb and 60cm at birth. Wtf did they expect?

YANBU I keep being told to speak to my health visitor about various things by various HCPs but I don't have a named health visitor, it seems to be any random person on the phone and they don't take health enquiries so God knows what the other health services think HVs do but round here they're not actually doing it.

Health visitors are definitely a mixed bag so I understand why some experiences have been negative, but the purpose of the two year check is to see children. It's as much safeguarding as it is ensuring children are meeting milestones for school. I question why parents wouldn't want a professional observing their child and ensuring their needs are being met.

The best HV I ever had was a man! I remember absolutely recoiling when I heard him come into the house because I was having loads of breastfeeding trouble & was mortified at the thought of feeding in front of him. But he didn’t ask to watch me feed, he just got straight on the phone to sort out an appointment for my sons very obvious tongue tie and was far more helpful than any other professional had been up to that point.

However I still find it bizarre that a man was carrying out new birth visits because what if you needed the HV to check your stitches?! Or discuss your blood loss? I can’t imagine many women would feel comfortable in that situation. And I had no idea in advance that it was a male HV who was visiting.

I cancelled DS's check and there hasn't been any repercussions. Should be fine!

Imo such appointments could be a life saver for an abused dc. They SHOULD be compulsory then a red flag shown for those who try to avoid them.

*I do get such things are pointless to the good dps.
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BUT could make a difference to a dc's life...

’It's as much safeguarding as it is ensuring children are meeting milestones for school’

If the child is going to nursery full time surely that’s already covered?

One bitch of an HV told me that DD wasn’t sleeping well because she didn’t feel loved enough.

Another one I saw later was lovely, but the session with her was pointless.

I’m pregnant again, and mulling opting out.

Cancel. The check didn't pick up multiple developmental issues for 2 children and I gained nothing from it either, I didn't bother going for the third.

Yes, they made a huge difference when they decided my son wasn’t allowed to hear, preventing a child from communicating is abuse, supposedly thats okay if a HV is doing it.

Mine were so useless, I told them not to bother coming when my twins were 13 weeks old (7 weeks corrected), and they insisted I needed to have their 4 month review and they weren’t interested in adjusting their assessments for their prematurity!! They tried telling me that, if I didn’t allow them in to do the assessments, they would have to refer us to ‘someone’ for refusing medical input - I simply reminded them that HV’s are an optional not mandatory service and engagement, or not, was my choice not theirs.

I later agreed to see another HV when twins were 2, because I had concerns about their weight and diet. They referred me to a hospital over an hour and a half away (they can’t refer direct to the hospital the twins were born at as it’s in a different county) and an appointment came through for the paediatric neurodisabilities team despite that service being highly overstretched and not appropriate for the issue (hospital confirmed this!). It took almost 8 months to get the appropriate referrals through and now we’re waiting to be seen.

We moved house to a different part of the same county and haven’t had any more contact from any HV’s but, if we do, they’ll be told their ‘support’ isn’t necessary.

I'm amazed they ever bother seeing children anymore. We just had a questionnaire that we didn't even have to send back to anyone

are the keyworkers as qualified though?
it sounds like her attitude was totally OTT

Cancel the appointment but don’t complain.

YABU. You can decline but she’s right, it won’t reflect well on you no matter what you read on google.