Dad hitting his child on the way to school

[Mingmoo]

I’m really upset by something I saw on the way home from the school run this morning. I was on foot and quite late and I’d dropped my DS off. About three minutes down the road I saw a man getting out of his car with a little boy in the school uniform, maybe year one but not older than that, and I was looking at them and thinking they’d be late and wondering why they’d parked so far from the gate. The man started walking towards school and called the boy, who wandered in the other direction. When the man realised he ran back shouting at him, grabbed him by the arm, hauled him almost off his feet, hit him two very heavy whacks across the bum that lifted him onto his tiptoes and then dragged him past me, telling him off. The boy was crying and hitting at him. Obviously I didn’t take in much about their appearance or car until it was too late so I don’t know anything else about them but should I have said something? My DM used to slap me and I can’t bear to see children being physically disciplined. I thought the boy drifting off was his dad’s fault, and that possibly he had SEN because he seemed lost in his own world, so maybe it’s something they struggle with. I just found it very shocking and I feel I let the boy down by not saying something.

AIBU to intervene next time if I see them in the same situation again?

Another one saying ring the school. The little boy would have been upset arriving at school, so very easy for school to check with staff if one of their pupils was upset.

I really hope you are speaking to the school.

Phone the school. Don't feel bad about not intervening, it would have been shock.

I don't think I'd confront the dad, but I would contact the school.

"As a parent, you don't have the legal right to smack your child unless it is 'reasonable punishment' - find out more from Child Law Advice.

If the violence you use is severe enough to leave a mark, for example a scratch or a bruise, you can be prosecuted for assault or the child can be taken into local authority care."

I found this online, apparently it's allowed if it's "reasonable punishment". I don't know if there is a legal definition of 'reasonable punishment'.

It's bloody awful but unfortunately not illegal in England. I probably would report to the school anyway but I don't think confronting him will do anything. If he's the sort of scumbag who hits his child without giving a shit who sees, he's not going to think twice about giving you a mouthful of abuse.

Definitely ring the school. I witnessed something similar (worse actually) and informed the school. Within the hour, I received a call from social services asking for details of what I'd seen, reassuring me that I'd done the right thing reporting it. A friend worked at the school and told me later that the family were known to the authorities, but I must admit I felt a little uneasy about my 'interfering' until I spoke to an acquaintance who had worked in social care. She convinced me that if the parent had been prepared to behave like that in public, what was going on behind closed doors was probably much, much worse.

I'd report to the school if I knew who it was- though perhaps they could identify them from the late book.

Though we have a school refuser- DD2, and I admit that we did try physical force - not hitting, but wrestling her into the car - to get her into school. Now I know this is counterproductive when anxiety is the cause (and it's physically impossible now as she is so tall) but it was difficult in the moment as it was actually what the school was advising us/wanting us to do or threatening us with fines and legal action. This is the sort of thing parents can be faced with.

Report it. Please.

If you know the school the child goes to, call the Head and send an email. If you don’t know the school then call the police and give a description.

That poor child is probably receiving worse at home.

Tell school. They have CCTV so they can work out who it was from the timings.

Yes I didn’t want to leap to conclusions either. I don’t know the context.

Thank you everyone. I’ll speak to the head, who is very proactive and sensible.

Obviously call the school because it's not going to be hard for them to figure out who it is.

A young boy, arriving late and most likely in a state/clearly was or had been crying.

They'll work out who the child is (I suspect) pretty easily. They just need to look at who arrived in late.

Make the phone call!

The school will probably have CCTV. If you tell them what time you arrived, they can check who comes in after you. It would be easy to find this child, who it at serious risk. You know what they say; if this is done in public, what goes on behind closed doors. Your failure would be in NOT reporting it to the school ASAP.

You need to ask to speak to the Safeguarding Lead. This may well be the Head but if they happen to be out when you call the office needs to put you through to the right person rather than just add that you phoned to a list of messages for the Head.

Makes me so upset to see too. I agree speak to the school.

I had something similar a year or so ago at school pick up. I was advised to speak to the lead safeguarding officer and I did. It turns out the school was aware of this child, so another pierce of the puzzle came from me.

I would ring the school. I would also be watching out for them to see if I could get the car reg. If I had that, I would phone the police.

Report it to school, I saw something once and I reported it, I’m so glad I did as the social worker and police had been trying to get this poor girl out of her home for years but with my report they took her that day. I had to make a statement and have a meeting with the social work which was a bit daunting .

Good move, OP, I'd do the same. Give them as much information as you can with descriptions of both, and maybe time if they have CCTV? Even a description of them/the car might ring a bell, especially if he's already on their radar.

Please let us know how you got on OP. That is really upsetting the poor little lad.

Not meaning to derail but if you saw a mum slapping a small child repeatedly in the face who was wearing the school uniform but outside of the school grounds (I.e at the local park), would you still report it to the school? I’ve been sitting on an incident I saw last week but not sure whether to report, and if so, who to report to, since the family in question are quite scary and we wouldn’t want them to find out it was us reporting.

Why wouldnt you? If the kid wasnt wearing a uniform, then you'd call the police and give whatever information you could. But if they're wearing a uniform, then yes, go to the school. It narrows down who it could be and the school can take it to where it needs to go.

Why would you see a child being abused and do nothing? The English really need to fix their stupid law.

Yes, you should definitely report. If the parent is doing that in a public place, then think of what they do behind closed doors. If you recognised the school uniform then contact that school and ask to speak to the safeguarding lead or head.

It is very unlikely that it would lead back to you.

I will report - but not everyone grows up with the same experiences of the police or authorities. To me reporting is a huge step since as a minority I have grown up with mistrust of schools and police from personal experience of repeated failures and discrimination. Also people talk (even teachers and police officers) and information can get into the wrong hands even if it isn’t due process. No need to be rude when I was just asking a legitimate question with a legitimate concern.