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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's not unreasonable for a GP to not date someone at their surgery?

36 replies

Curtayne · 06/11/2022 19:40

My friend met someone a number of weeks ago on a night out, they have been chatting ever since and getting on really well, but he's said they shouldn't pursue anything because of his job. She is really upset about it and feels like he is lying to try and protect her feelings and just doesn't like her- but I think he's being sensible?

Basically although she knew he was a doctor as he said early on, they didn't discuss it much, just the usual work chat ie how has hour day been etc. Anyway she found out he is a GP at her surgery, never had an appointment with him before and only found out when looking online for some info- she told him and he said about not continuing contact. She said she could move surgeries etc and surely they could just make sure she never saw him, but he still said no.

I think that's sensible tbh and admittedly never met him but doesn't sound like just an excuse- in this situation is someone wise to protect themselves and not risk it or is it fine as they need a social life too? Only asking out of curiosity, I'm not involved of course bar comforting her and taking her mind off of it, and if he was uncomfortable then that's the important thing rather than well he could have done x technically even if not comfortable.

OP posts:
Ingrainedagainstthegrain · 06/11/2022 19:42

That's professional of him but I also think he's not into her.

Butterlover1 · 06/11/2022 19:42

I think you should mind your own business

Charcy · 06/11/2022 19:43

So by that logic, no GP would ever date anyone as MOST of the population are registered with a GP and MOST GPs would live where their surgeries are, or close by, where their "dating pool" would also be from....

Definitely an excuse.

ZaZathecat · 06/11/2022 19:43

I think she's right. There are ways around it but he obviously doesn't think it's worth the bother.

SpookyMcGhoul · 06/11/2022 19:44

I think it's the norm - I couldn't be a patient at the surgery my mum works at, neither could my husband.

timoteigirl · 06/11/2022 19:45

Surely she could swap to another surgery? He could have suggested that if he was keen.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 06/11/2022 19:45

and only found out when looking online for some info

🤣 she was Googling him wasn't she

latetothefisting · 06/11/2022 19:46

Seems really over the top for me. Surely GPs have thousands of patients registered to them. It's like saying an mp shouldn't date anyone within their constituency!

Of course he shouldn't ever treat her but no idea why she couldn't have stayed in his surgery and seems absolutely mad for them to break up over it even if she swapped surgeries!

I used to work with the police and there was only guidance about not getting involved with someone who was a victim of a crime you investigated, nothing about you shouldn't ever date anyone at all in your local area!

Curtayne · 06/11/2022 19:46

Butterlover1 · 06/11/2022 19:42

I think you should mind your own business

Why? Im not getting involved 'in real life', just curious as it isn't something I'd have ever spent a second thinking about before but I find it interesting.

OP posts:
OverArmour · 06/11/2022 19:48

It sounds like a ’just not that into her/excuse’ but I would be tempted to do a request to see who had accessed my medical records. Probably paranoid but I’d be curious.

VladmirsPoutine · 06/11/2022 19:50

You've written this is in a weird way. Anyway yes he's not interested.

SleepyRich · 06/11/2022 21:04

Yes this wouldn't be a problem at all how you describe it, unless she could in some way be thought of as a vulnerable adult?

Even if they realised x years ago he'd prescribed her a course of antibiotics for a chest infection it wouldn't matter. It becomes a problem if they started dating directly following a consultation/this was how they met because it suggests that the consultation was not professional/taking advantage of a position of power/responsibility but that hasn't happened here.

itsatavern · 06/11/2022 21:29

They could work around it if they wanted but he sounds like he wasn’t bothered about working around it so she’s right

CaronPoivre · 06/11/2022 21:35

Very few would start a relationship with someone using their practice. Many don’t live in their surgery catchment area, as a conscious choice.

Hadjab · 06/11/2022 21:36

Butterlover1 · 06/11/2022 19:42

I think you should mind your own business

There’s always one 🙄

epythymy · 06/11/2022 21:39

This is actually quite serious, a GP can be struck off for having a relationship with a patient. However there are a number of ways of getting around this, he can declare the relationship to the GMC, she would need to switch to another practice.

Georgeskitchen · 06/11/2022 21:55

If he was interested she would have to register with a different practice.Then they are free to pursue a relationship

pastabakeonaplate · 06/11/2022 22:00

Ingrainedagainstthegrain · 06/11/2022 19:42

That's professional of him but I also think he's not into her.

This

Namechangeforthe · 06/11/2022 22:05

GP here.

He has done exactly the correct thing. Even if he really liked her there is no work around.

GMC advise that doctors should not end a professional relationship (i.e. ask her to move to another practice) with the sole purpose being to pursue a relationship.

Worriedddd · 06/11/2022 22:11

GP might be worried if things went sour she would accuse him of pursuing an inappropriate relationship. I'd say if he really wanted to see her he could make it work declare the relationship change practices. Sounds like he's just not into her. I would never date a patient, you have it drummed into you there's a power imbalance and it's unethical.

Gwenhwyfar · 06/11/2022 22:15

"GMC advise that doctors should not end a professional relationship (i.e. ask her to move to another practice) with the sole purpose being to pursue a relationship."

But they don't have a professional relationship.

MadameDe · 06/11/2022 22:21

I can imagine a comparable situation might be if a teacher entered a relationship with a parent from a school - that might also lead to disciplinary action. Couples talk and it's kind of expected - there could be a massive breach of confidentiality if they let something out about a student.

I'm assuming the rule is there to protect the confidentiality of all the patients not just the one they're dating.

RunnerDown · 06/11/2022 22:26

MadameDe · 06/11/2022 22:21

I can imagine a comparable situation might be if a teacher entered a relationship with a parent from a school - that might also lead to disciplinary action. Couples talk and it's kind of expected - there could be a massive breach of confidentiality if they let something out about a student.

I'm assuming the rule is there to protect the confidentiality of all the patients not just the one they're dating.

The rule is there because of a potential abuse of the power balance in a doctor patient relationship. Doctors should not discuss patients with their partners , even if they are married .

grapestar · 06/11/2022 22:28

He isn't in to her

LBFseBrom · 06/11/2022 22:33

I doubt he gave the true reason for not pursuing the relationship. If he was really keen he would have carried on, maybe suggested she went to another surgery.

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