I don’t know where to turn re dd and school

[Frustratedcamel]

I posted a while ago regarding my dd (now 13) and her difficulties since starting senior school whilst awaiting neuro developmental assessment.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4570006-to-ask-for-help-with-dd12-im-at-the-end-of-my-tether

Things have gone from bad to worse and I’m totally stuck and feel like I have nowhere to turn.

Her behavioural problems have got worse and she’s constantly in trouble, detentions, isolation, even suspension on occasion.

My problem now is what to do next. The latest in a long line of incidents is that she was issued a self regulation pass from SEN, she was told she could use this to exit lessons if she was overwhelmed and go to SEN. The pass was confiscated from her on Friday because she had “used it incorrectly”. I was there when she was told the teacher had to let her use it…apparently a teacher said no, but she walked out anyway and was disciplined for this.

When they phoned me, they said she’s trying to use it to get out of trouble (which was one of the reasons she was given it…to go and calm down rather than stand and argue or similar). She’s confused and upset, I’m bloody confused and now she has no self regulation pass, she has to wait for the class teacher to ring for someone to come and get her (which means waiting, which is the hard bit as these things are often done in crisis).

I feel very much that they concentrate so much on reprimanding her for her behaviour that they are failing to see what it’s doing to her mental health. I can see their frustration as it’s disruptive, but the punishments aren’t working. In fact they’re making it worse!

I can’t move her to an appropriate school until we have a diagnosis and an EHCP, though I do think she’d manage mainstream school fine with the appropriate support (so does her SEN keyworker).

CYPS are aware, I’ve emailed them. She has a counselling appointment next week, though because the main problem is school, I'm not sure how much that will help, Im willing to try anything though.

In the meantime, I’m torn. Her mental health is so low, the school don’t seem to want to listen and keep saying it’s chosen behaviour, she needs face consequences etc. What the hell can I do, who can I turn to?

Part time timetables should not be used long term on their own. DC should be in school full time or alternative provision should be made as well as/instead of. As well as this you need to ask for an early review of the EHCP.

@Thatsnotmycar the timetable increases over 6 weeks until she's hopefully reintegrated. And I'm appealing the EHCP as it was based on reports 3+ years out of date. Currently she's not able to attend for a full day but we have a review of the part time table on Thursday. It's a real balancing act to get it all right.

I won't tell you how many SEN appeals I have done as it will out me. Look up IPSEA and apply for her to assessed for ehcp needs assessment right now yourself. Your wasting years waiting for school to apply and I'd bet my house they aren't doing it. It's one form. So easy to do. Your reasons and evidence is in your OP

Do you have SENDIASS in your area? Just Google it and add your area name. They are great at helping to support and mediate between parents/carers and schools. I've been a SENDCO and it is a very challenging job and things like these passes are often seen by staff as an excuse. Unfortunately, secondary staff don't have the same relationships as primary with the pupils to learn their SEND inside out due to seeing so many classes (and large ones at that!) each week and also such a minimal amount of teacher training is about SEND.

The best thing you can do is the EHCNA. Fortunately the SEND Code of Practice sets out legal deadlines for responding to these for both the school and local authority. I suggest you download the local authority paperwork (all available online on their website) so you can start putting on all the information you need to add. A huge part of it is information from home like family life, what you see at home, your hopes for your child etc. It should be written in collaboration with the school such as in a meeting however when COVID turned up I often emailed the paperwork to the parents/carers to fill in as soon as I knew they'd sent a request to the local authority then we checked it through over the phone or on a video call so don't be surprised if the school do this. You can absolutely insist on a meeting as part of the SEND Code of Practice but equally you can do it yourself at home and send it across if preferred.

Be warned, it's a huge document to complete and the more detail the better. Make sure everything you write in it is dated as to when something was first noticed, what was seen, what was done to help DD (e.g. added to school SEN register? Given lesson pass etc) and the impact of that. Don't use the document to slate the school as they will literally turn around and say no you can't have the next stage of the EHCP until the school gives DD back her lesson pass and tries it again for however many months 🙄 just be factual- when something happened, what happened, adjustments made to help DD and impact.

Ensure you see the final version before the school submit it to the local authority too and keep it for your records. Ask to be CCd in when they email it in to the SEND team.

Be careful with SENDIASS, some are good but too many repeat the LA’s unlawful policies. IPSEA and SOSSEN are better.

You don’t need to complete the LA’s EHCNA request form even if they tell you you do. Sending IPSEA’s model letter to the LA is sufficient. You don’t need to wait for the school to send it you can send it yourself so you know it’s sent ASAP.

I’d home educate tbh. There’s nothing worth impacting their mental health like this.

i'm in a very similar situation with my DD13, i think she would be better being home schooled but i'm a lone parent with a very full on job, I can't not work or go part time as we need the money so much.

Thanks everyone for your advice and comments.

I contacted SENDIAS today and they are going to get in touch with me when they’ve sourced the appropriate team.

I have started filling in the EHCNA and the school SENCO is calling me tomorrow.

I have spoken again with school regarding my concerns and they have agreed to a temporary reduced timetable and review in a couple of weeks.

I’m a bit confused about the assessment process my dd is receiving as we were referred 2 years ago for a full neuro developmental assessment but we’ve had one part of an autism assessment so far (through an external company on behalf of the nhs) and no mention of anything else (ADHD etc. which seems to be what were swaying towards) I will check regarding this, as I do t want to be waiting another year for a different type of assessment if they decide it isn’t ASD.

With the reduced timetable, it should only be short term with the aimed of reintegration. After that DD should be attending full time at school or alternative provision should be made some or all of the time.

Starcount does DD have an EHCP? If so, have you considered EOTAS? You can’t be compelled to organise and facilitate that as the LA retain responsibility.

Meant kindly because I have a SEN child, if your daughter was having a meltdown the teacher may have acted appropriately especially as they had 20 or so other kids to deal with. A meltdown is hard enough to deal with alone, when there's one child. Imagine if you have to perform your job while looking after a room full of other kids and also dealing with it perfectly. Your child may be confused but it sounds like it easily could've been no fault of the teacher, who can't read minds and didn't know that your child wasn't being wilfully disruptive.

Btw we got a full educational psychologist assessment for ours and we got it done privately and it made all the difference. Private was a stretch financially but it made a huge difference once we had a diagnosis.