DD has a very possessive unhealthy friendship with girl at school

[TakeAShowerTakeAShower]

DD6 has in recent months made friends with another girl in her class who has unfortunately become extremely possessive of her - she initially would cry and make a fuss if DD played with another child, and would pressure DD to make promises to play with her instead. This has now progressed to forbidding DD to play with others and physically taking her by the arm and pulling her away from other children. DD has said how she is upset at not being allowed to play with other friends, and how she tries to tell this girl she would like to play with others but the girl basically harasses her into submission by literally following her around the playground and whining until she gives in. DD has suggested they all play together and the girl refuses and says she only wants DD to play with her (sounds reasonable!)
I have broached this with DD’s teachers who haven’t taken it seriously at all. Do i approach this girls parents? I have never actually met them but I have their contact details from the class WhatsApp group. Meanwhile how do I support DD? I have reiterated over and over again how she is allowed to play with whoever she wants and I have had a couple of other friends from her class round to our house to play during half term. Would really appreciate advice from anyone who has been in a similar position with their child! Thanks!

I did actually say a few weeks ago to DD if she feels unable to say to this girl “no” then to blame it on me, say my mum says we’re not allowed to play because you don’t listen to me when I say no Thankyou to things. The girls response was that’s ok we won’t tell your mum.

"Speak to the head teacher then. Explain you've told dd to approach the teacher but she's too shy. Let her know you've approached the teacher twice and nothing has changed."

Email Head. Then Your'll have it in writing, thus a paper trail.

I had a friend like this at school and it was horrific. It gave me such a warped idea about what friendship is and it has affected me my whole life. No-one cared then because it was the early 90s. However, please seek some help from school - they may not be fully aware of this dynamic but would want to help for both girls' sakes. Good luck, I hope it's sorted too.

Op I had an extremely similar situation, in my case on one level they got on but it was definitely toxic and I don't know why they couldn't get this.

They couldn't understand that toxic, control element.

It was awful to the point where we nearly left the school.

A very similar thing is going on with our DD, age 12. Her friend of a few years has become increasingly dependent on our daughter.
She asked to move classes at the start of the year, just to get some respite. She immediately became so much happier and enthused about school...until a few weeks later the friend was moved to her new class! It is now an ongoing battle between us, our DD, the other girl and her parents and the school.
It's such an important age with physical and emotional changes to contend with, and this just makes it so much harder.
I hope your DD's situation is resolved quickly. It sounds like you are doing all the right things- I just hope those you have spoken to actually sit up and take notice.

I find some online resources about what makes a good friend and how they should make you feel? Id also start role playing situations with dd to give her the confidence not to be pulled away from the group. Self-empowerment is a big thing here - teach dd to be her own person and that she is worthy of people who treat her with respect and respect her wishes when she says no or wants to change domineering girls plans.

Well that’s not the way to handle it! Bloody hell. At no point in that example did you explain to the child doing the forcing that this behaviour is not kind/not acceptable……!
Wow

Personally I would be going into the school and making a fuss until something was done.

If the teachers aren't taking it seriously talk to the HT

No, don't talk to the parents. They're not in the playground

Your DD sounds very kind to want to take this girl’s feelings into consideration, but learning to say NO and accepting that sometimes that may upset someone else is a valuable lesson. She is entitled to her boundaries and this girl is trampling all over them!

I’d also make a complaint about the teacher doing sweet FA.

Op my daughter can be quite like the posessive child in this situation.

She has now been diagnoses as autistic and I recognise that as an autistic trait - she can't do group play because of sensory issues etc so tended to try and find a child who would be happy to just be with her but it could seem bossy.

As several teachers have come on here to say - this is really normal child behaviour.

The reason we send 6 year olds off to play together in groups at school/ park etc is so they can learn this stuff! Part of this is for your child to learn herself - with some support from adults of course.

Being furious with another six year old is just odd OP you need to remember that is also someones precious child who is learning how to be a normal human through play and socialising.

Go back to school and say you are feeling you aren't being listened to and see what the lunchtime TAs can tell you - it may be more two sided than you are hearing.

My 8 year old tells me all sorts of stuff from the playground that is very one sided.

This thread was last November so it probably isn't very relevant anymore as OP hasn't returned.