To have not told mutual friend exactly what was said to me when my ex broke up with me

[Scotcousin]

I was so hurt when my ex said to me, after almost 5 years, that he'd never been in love with me and always knew I was more into him than he'd ever been to me. This was a few months ago and I'm over the heartbreak stage now. A mutual friend asked to meet me for lunch yesterday, which I did - I hadn't seen her since breakup, but she's seen him. She's lovely, not one to pry or ask questions. Because she knows both of us, I decided not to go into details of the breakup, just that I was very hurt and wanted nothing to do with him. Afterwards, I wondered whether I should have told her more, but something held me back. Should I have let it all out or did I act with dignity?

Nope I think you did the right thing. None of her business anyhow and you've definitely held you dignity!

You did right not to say anything.

You definitely did the right thing - much more dignified. Sending love 💐

You did the right thing.

Yes you did right. Best to keep quiet and closed - and doing so also makes you stronger. Over sharing personal stuff to those who know your ex may weaken you and yes there's a risk of it getting back to the ex. It's private and personal.

You did the right thing. I put you are not being unreasonable. But I'm not sure whether this was the right option. You might want to clarify how you would interpret YABU or your results might be confusing

Good to know I did the right thing. I thought about it afterwards and wondered why I was saving his skin, but I think it was the fact that she didn't ask me anything or pry at all, felt like it was the right thing to do and keep my dignity intact!

Didn't realise I'd enabled voting, sorry. There was no need. Thanks.

My exh was really nasty but I have several friends who have professional ties with him and I made the decision at that time to not tell them about him. One of these friends recently commented how it must be weird to have such a saint for an ex, how he's so well thought of. It irks, but that's not hard to sit with.

You did the right thing. You don’t owe her a detailed account, unless you want to obviously.

Yes dignity and self respect come first!

Of course you don't have to tell her anyone else your private business for any reason

Do you usually over share, I'm asking because I wouldn't give this a second thought, especially as she didn't ask

As long as you know he was rewriting history to make himself feel better, that’s the main thing.

You did the right thing.

Last thing you'd want is her running back to him blabbing about what you've said. Which is what usually happens in these situations.

You did the right thing for you at this time, but don't feel you can't talk to friends about what he said if you want to.

Yes, I have talked with my close friends, which helped. I held back with her because she's a mutual friend.

Yes, rewriting history, or else used and strung me along.

Trust yourself a bit more. You are very dignified .

You behaved with discretion and dignity, which is fine! Wish more people understood that not every detail needs to be shared.

I think it was fine not to share but it would have also been fine to share if you wanted to. It's your experience and you choose who you tell that too.

Yes, have shared with non-mutual friends, who helped me a lot.

After my breakup, I tended to be neutral with what I said to mutual friends.

Probably I was overthinking but was wondering if she expected me to reveal more. She's a lovely person, didn't ask any questions when I said I'd been hurt. Am glad now as I probably would have put her in an awkward position.

I agree it would have been putting her in an awkward position ans she may have seen it as painting him in a bad light. You acted with dignity.

Thanks, seems to be the consensus that I did the right thing! I was worried maybe she thought I couldn't confide in her, but she knows I was hurt so that's enough.