To have not told mutual friend exactly what was said to me when my ex broke up with me

[Scotcousin]

I was so hurt when my ex said to me, after almost 5 years, that he'd never been in love with me and always knew I was more into him than he'd ever been to me. This was a few months ago and I'm over the heartbreak stage now. A mutual friend asked to meet me for lunch yesterday, which I did - I hadn't seen her since breakup, but she's seen him. She's lovely, not one to pry or ask questions. Because she knows both of us, I decided not to go into details of the breakup, just that I was very hurt and wanted nothing to do with him. Afterwards, I wondered whether I should have told her more, but something held me back. Should I have let it all out or did I act with dignity?

Urgh....mutual friends can prolong heartbreak. Be careful not to spend too much time with them and focus on you. You need to heal after that imbecile doing that to you.
Stay fabulous, plan something exciting, eat nice food, hug yourself and remind yourself you're way, way better than being treated so badly by an idiot xxxxxxxxx

Yes, I know I was treated badly by him... didn't make it any easier to get over. No doubt he's moved on to someone else. He's had many relationships. I won't be seeing mutual friends too often. It was the first time this one had reached out to me.

This friend has contacted me again and suggested we meet for a walk over Christmas. As I said before, she is lovely and I do enjoy her company, but I'm finding when I happen to see or bump into mutual friends, it gets me thinking of him and the breakup again and I'm not getting that "clean break" - I'm finding it a bit unsettling, but yet feel it's nice of her to reach out.

Any advice appreciated.

I split from my ex 10 years ago. It wasn't a particularly pleasant break up and we had a lot of mutual friends.
Since the breakup up I've continued to remain friends with them, never asked them to choose sides and as far as I know they still remain friends with my ex.
I don't even think of him now and very rarely do any of them even mention him.

I've also remained friends with his sister and we've also met up.

I would say the first year is the hardest when in mutual company but honestly put it out of your mind. This girl appears to enjoy your company and learn to be her friend without association to your ex and find subjects to talk about that keeps the subject away from your ex and you'll find yourself having fun

I'd be really honest with her and say you need a clean break for a while to re-set yourself. Just say it doesn't mean you don't want to see her ever again but that you need a bit of time to yourself. She will understand and if she's as nice as you say, she'll still be there for you when you're ready. Don't commit to anything until you feel okay. And one day, you'll go through a whole day and realise the thoughts and memories aren't as painful any more and you're feeling stronger. It does happen and you will love your life and love again xx

It might be best then maybe to just meet occasionally but keep the contact there.

There's no right or wrong here OP. It's a question of what brings you comfort at a hard and lonely time. If it felt too private to tell your friend then that's fine. If you were ashamed or embarrassed to tell her then that doesn't serve you - silence reinforces the shame and prevents you from getting help. Do what feels gentle and supportive to yourself.

Having been through something horrendous I would say actually unless someone is the very closest of friends don't share anything. People are terrible gossips even when well
Meaning and i definately regret being so open with some friends following the passage of time.

You dont have to share everything and, if you do, dont be surprised if it comes back to bite you in some way. It's your life. Do what you're comfortable with. And, oversharers, do what your friends are comfortable with. TMI can bring about a rapid reassessment of friendship.