To think it’s ok to keep DD in swimming?

[KeepUpTheSwimmingYesorNo]

She’s 8, in stage 2. Has been in it for almost a year and her teacher things with her progress levels she’ll be in it at least another 3-6 months – joined stage 2 end of December 2021.

She never finished preschool swim as she turned 5 in July 2019 so moved to Stage 1 and then with covid lockdowns stopping it was in Stage 1 for about 18 month if you only count her actual lessons (and not the time she was still that stage but not allowed to swim due to closures) – the break for the closures didn’t either hinder nor help her progress in my opinion but that’s fine.

Friends have come and gone in that time, a boy who’s the same age that she started Preschool swim with is now Stage 5, and she’s the oldest in her group. But she’s kept at it. I can’t say she’s always wanted to go but she’s been fine once in the pool, works hard and her teacher describes her as determined.
I think it’s teaching her perseverance and showing her that hardwork pays off, especially as she doesn’t find it easy.

She’s a girlguide and one of their rules/laws is about challenges and I think she’s taken that to heart (she also wants the swimming badges for her camp blanket but that’s a whole other thread!)

ExH thinks it’s cruel to keep taking her to lessons, says she should try something else and go back to swimming in a few years maybe even as an adult, especially as she’s now the oldest in her stage 2 by quite a bit (about 2 years, but only 1 school year, there’s a year 2 from her school in her class). He says she’ll start to resent going as his parents forced him to go until he could swim 25m and he hated it. He never swims now and avoids water as much as he can because of it obviously he still showers etc, but I think he means like walks along the canal/river etc.

We share the costs of activities btw, technically he pays for 1.5 activies a week and I pay for 1.75 activities a week (she has an EHCP for school so school pay 3/4s of the cost of one of their clubs) – she does Brownies, Swimming, Dance and a music club at school (the one I pay ¼ of)

So WIBU? Me or ExH?

YABU – ExH is right
YANBU – You’re right to keep sending

What about a few private lessons, one to one teaching might help speed up progress?

YANBU in that she needs to persevere with her lessons. Swimming is an important life skill rather than a hobby that she can choose to pick up and put down.
That said, those lesson do sound soul destroying in the lack of progress and you might be knocking her water confidence anyway.
Could you look into private lessons and/or book a holiday somewhere with a pool so she can get lots of swimming practice in a short space of time.
Moving up one or two groups to be with children her own age will help with her confidence and enjoyment.

How often does she go swimming outside of lessons? If she only goes to lessons she might not have found her comfort zone in the water and learned the basics of floating.

Like previous poster a few private lessons wouldn't hurt and. Going and having fun may bring on her confidence

my son was in stage 2 for a very long time and what helped him was crash courses they do in half terms. He is now in stage 3.

We go swimming once a week outside of lessons.

No private or crash courses available at the leisure centre we use, will look into if they have them at others.

Has she had the same teacher all the time? Other than Covid has there been disruption to her actual lessons?

My eldest is 7, and managed to complete her final chapter of waterbabies in summer 2020. We struggled to find lessons after that and we finally did Level 1 Swim England this summer as an intensive course (swam everyday for a week). Then we managed to get them in a Level 2 class in September, just before half term they completed that and then have done 2 level 3 classes and been moved up to level 4.

I think if they’d been stuck for as long as your DD has they’d have given up (despite also being a Brownie and ultra motivated by badges). I’d second a PP suggestion of looking into 1:1 lessons so it’s not as obvious when her classmates move on around her.

Definitely look into private one to one lessons.

My DD that struggled the most with swimming turned out she has dyspraxia. Explains so much! Excellent balance and runner/athlete but swimming, throwing & catching utter awful.

@Marmite27 Different teachers for each stage so she's had 3 teachers.

No distruption other than missing the odd lesson due to illness or parties or similar.

DS1 needed a few nudges along with holiday boosters/ private lessons in thd early years.
It turns out that he's dyspraxic so his general rate of picking up skills is slower than average.

At least he's small for his age so doesn't look too old at his classes. He's in stage 6 in y7 now.

I was a non-swimmer until 16. Better to be a swimmer that doesn't than a keen non-swimmer that can't. It takes a lot of courage to go to adult lessons as a teenager/ young adult.

YANBU, your ex needs to get used to the idea that she won’t do things at the same rate as everyone else. With the EHCP you would have thought he’d have a better understanding of this.

If she's still enjoying it, I can't see the harm in persevering.

But like others have said, swimming is a life skill, and perhaps it's time to throw something a bit more intensive at the problem?

Swimming is a basic life skill. I’m a lot like you ex in that my parents said I had to swim 50 m and could then stop. At the time I resented it and I still absolutely hate it now; the swim up bar on holiday is the only place I’m swimming these days. However, I also recognise how important it is so I think my parents were sensible and I’ll say the same with my kids. I couldn’t give 2 shits about them learning butterfly but they absolutely need to be able to get themselves out of trouble.

If I were you I’d look for different lessons, like maybe those swim schools that borrow private and school pools, but I definitely wouldn’t give up on lessons just yet.

As Brown Owl, this makes my heart sing that she is taking her brownie promise so seriously. It might be worth having a quiet word with her leader - if a parent told us about this, we have some "fun" badges that we give out (think Well Done or I Challenged Myself etc) to encourage motivation etc.

On the swimming side, i echo others that perhaps some 1:1 / intensive classes might help move things along. It's a different level, but i've been taking my 16month old swimming for a year and she hated every week until we did a run of twice weekly instead of once weekly to make up for missing some weeks when she was ill. Going more frequently seems to have kicked something in and her skills all suddenly started to come together. I can see how that would have an even greater impact in an older child.

I think stopping swimming before they’ve reached a decent level is a bad idea. Anything else, fine, but not swimming.

Does she have school swimming too?

I’d look for a holiday intensive course - mine did leisure centre lessons once a week where progress was sporadic (some teachers great, some not, sometimes they moved up quickly, sometimes they languished for ages). If we were in a languishing period they did a half-term once every day for 5 days course with the private school, and that always progressed their technique so much more.

You can find the info for each stage on the ASA website. Take her yourself and play games that work on the different parts, who can mushroom float the longest, play ball games etc and it will come more naturally.

Is there something specific she's stuck on stopping her from moving up? Mine couldn't dive in and spent ages at the same stage. Eventually moving up but it took some work on the diving!

@NoSquirrels No school swimming, they take them in Year 2 and she missed out due to Covid and they won't be catching them up.

@Forestdweller11 Her teacher said nothing specific she's about 60% through it apparently, the skills are tested regularly so they do 2-3 skills per lesson but rotate but then some are practised every lesson.

She's not diagnosed dyspraxic but she has "General Co-ordination issues" according to the EHCP.

As long as she is happy ish to keep going I think you should encourage it. It’s not like giving up learning the piano, one day knowing how to swim could save her life.
The only way I could see argument for a break would be if she was getting really upset and having her confidence affected.

Swimming is an important life skill not just a hobby. Well done for encouraging her to keep at it x

Is there a swim manager you can speak to? I had similar with ds and he was in a group with kids younger than he was and was in the same stage for a year. The swim manager had a look and said she'd move him up; and within weeks he was moved up again. Might be worth a go.

As for giving up, I think it was on here that I read that it was recommended to keep going to stage 5 as a minimum and stage 7 ideally.

Another tactic is to move within the same stage but to a different class with a different teacher. A different person assesses them differently - that also worked for us when ds was stuck and he moved up within a few weeks that time as well.

@reigatecastle I think given she was with different teachers for Preschool and Stage 1 (so two other teachers) and made similar progress it's unlikely to help, plus this time slot works and Friday nights after school are premium slots apparently there's a waiting list for it. The only other night they have space is the same time as Brownies and I doubt she'd give up Brownies for swimming.

3-6 more months..
Honestly....take her out and give her 1:1 lessons. She'll learn quicker and not destroy her self esteem by watching the other kids progess faster.
Or look for SeN classes locally - they may have better ways of teaching her 😊